The Raptors: After 2 straight losses, the Warriors needed a team to help them get back on track, and that team was the Toronto Raptors. The patented defense of the Great North allowed the visitors to shoot over 50% from the field and 40% from downtown. There wasn't a whole lot of defense on either side as both teams reached the century mark. Even Aaron Gray had a 20/10 game. Big Baby must've bestowed Aaron Gray with some special powers with his love nibble the other day.



Once word gets out about this, Big Baby is going to have to deal with a lot of players trying to stick their chins in his mouth. Some speculate that this ability to bestow powers with a chin bite, stems from Big Baby's habit of biting balls. And no, that isn't what it sounds like. 



At the time, I think those who noticed this strange habit just assumed that Baby was daydreaming about hamburgers. Now it seems there might be some deeper meaning. Other theorists suggest that these powers might have something to do with the time Baby got knocked the fuck out by a Pumaman elbow. This is known as the Dead-Zone explanation, although it usually requires comas. 

Ankles: Cosmic irony pulled the rug out from under Andrew Bogut's return, when Stephen Curry left the game in the third with an ankle injury. The sprain seems mild, and the Warriors prevailed against the Raptors; but still, whenever fans throw their hands to the heavens in exasperation, cosmic irony is likely nigh.

The Jazz: The Rockets simply blew their opponent's stinkin' brains out with a loaded 45 point victory. It's not a traditional revenge game, but something tells me that the Rockets didn't appreciate how the Jazz resurrected the Lakers. Houston and Utah are currently tied for that precious 8th seed, so it's easy to see how the violence escalated. You're probably thinking this game was played in Houston, right? I mean, if the Jazz can do anything, it's win at home, right? Wrong. This unmitigated face stomping took place in Utah, a place where the Jazz hadn't lost all month.

Randy Foye led the Jazz with a measly dozen points, but that was the least of their troubles. The Rockets cruised to 125 points on 53% shooting. This was one of those classic woodshed games where every player on the winning team has a positive Lenovo +/- and vice versa.

If those descriptions alone don't blow your mind, howzabout some 'worst home loss in franchise history'. I bet that gets the mind a'blowin'.

Al Jefferson amusing quote machine: Big Al really summed the loss up in his post-game comments.
We could have had Michael Jordan in his prime with us tonight and played the way we played and it wouldn't have mattered.
Normally, I would call that hyperbole, but I think in this case he's actually being completely realistic.

The Bobcats: Seeing that they're the worst team in the NBA again, the Bobcats are no strangers to losing. I might not have even bothered writing them up for this 8 point loss in Chicago, but then this happened.



I don't know what constitutes a booze cruise, exactly. Maybe, it's as simple as it sounds. Jimmy Butler lost his starting gig to some guy named Loul Deng, but the sophomore player scored a career-high 19 points anyway. Third year player, and current Bobcat, Jeff Adrien got his first NBA start and delivered 14 points and 10 rebounds, setting or matching career-highs in both categories. He'll have to write Hakim Warrick a nice thank you note for disappearing from the roster, that is if he can find him.

Both the Wizards and the Kings: Woe unto the team that looks for the Zeke-Child to be its closer, and woe onto the team that tries to defend the Zeke-Child with Garrett Temple and loses to said Zeke-Child in Washington. So much for that 5 game home winning streak, huh Randy? The young man who got his name from a bar bet described the terrible defense that confronted him in crunch time.
I seen a guy that was guarding me that hasn't played the whole game, so I felt I had the opportunity to take him. And he kind of forced me to my strong hand, so I just wanted to make a play and it happened to go in.
From training camp on, Wizards players are instructed to always force a player to their strong hand... The theory is, that seeing such an easy lane to the basket, the player will become overly excited, trip, and turn the ball over. You'd be surprised how often that strategy has worked for them this month, but this time around the Zeke-Child sunk the floater with a second to spare.

The Magic/Andray Blatche's face: Kyle O'Quinn doesn't play much, in fact he's played the fewest minutes of anyone on the Magic's roster this year. But with the Magic down by 24, he dug deep, put his squad on his back, and delivered the biggest play of the night.


Wow. I bet Andray really wanted to kick his ass right there, but was probably in too much pain. Due to a rarely invoked NBA bylaw, this made the game a victory for the Magic in several states of the union, which led to a scourge of violent gambling disputes. Unfortunately for the Magic, New York was not one of those states. In the state of New York, they still officially got their ass kicked.

Lacktion:
Warriors-Raptors: Count Bazemore struck again with a 47 second Mario.
Kings-Wizards: Garrett Temple had a 13 second Mario, in which time he lost the game by attempting to guard the Zeke-Child.
Grizzlies-76ers: Philadelphia's Shelvin Mack had an 18 second Mario, as far as I know that didn't cost the Sixers the game, but that didn't stop several teammates from loading up some socks with bars of soap for when he came into the locker room. 
Bulls-Bobcats: The Cats gave Jeffery Taylor 1 minute and 24 seconds, and he gave them a +2 suck differential. He also brought some milk, so they decided to keep him around. 
2 Comments:
Anonymous Anonymous said...
It's "due to" not "do to"...

Anonymous Anonymous said...
This is the #1 reason reason Andray Blatche will not be on the 2016 Olympic Dodgeball team.

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