1,2,3,4 I declare thumb war.....oh you mean I'm supposed to be out on the floor right now?




Remember girls, the Wizards logo is actually lava!




 After getting kicked out of the Justice League for painting Wonder Woman's invisible plane, Keith Smart does training for his next job on the streets: Begging.



"So this is what it feels like to be part of the home crowd at a Bobcats game"




Coach Hollins tries to shield the fans from watching his team butcher the pick and roll, only to horrify them even more with his fingers





Dallas Mavericks:  Well, I'm gonna go out on a limb and assume the Mavs are still celebrating last year's championship, because the team they've been putting out on the floor these past few weeks would struggle even in the WNBA.  

Getting blown out at home to the Flippers, the Mavs got outscored in every single quarter, with the deficit growing to be as large as 22 points.

For the Clippers, this is their first 6 game win streak in 20 years, you know back when Michael Jackson played with kids his own age.  Ironically, the Clippers last 6 game win streak also began against the Mavs, who were that era's Clippers.  Funny how that works.

To add insult to injury, the Mavs allowed Randy Foye, a 39% shooter, go off for more 3 pointers (8) than the entire Mavs team.

"We just couldn't get the ball to fall for us and Foye was hitting dagger after dagger," Delonte West said. "All those 3's, it takes a lot out of you"

He also added

"I haven't been drilled like that since LeBron's mother"

Dallas is now just 2 games from falling out of the 8th playoff spot:



 



Oklahoma City:  The Thunder outshot the Grizz, got just as many free throws, had the same amount of rebounds, hit more three pointers.....and still lost.

Despite blowing up every team who are at the top of the standings, the Thunder decided it was time to party like it's 2009 and fall to the Grizzlies.  

OKC gave up 18 turnovers and when you lose by 6, that obviously made all the difference.  A surprising stat at first, until you see who is virtually at the top in giving up the ball

"They didn't turn the ball over. A lot of people think we just get the ball out and run. Our fast-break points usually come off of us playing defense and tonight they took care of the ball a little better," Durant said. "We missed some in transition as well but, all in all, they did a great job."

No no Durant, the Grizzlies did turn it over, at least 10 times.  But when you're out turning over (that's English, right?) the opposition 2 to 1, it probably feels like the other team doesn't lose the ball very often.

*heavy old man breathing*


That would be the Spurs on the Thunder's necks, who are now just 1 game out of first place in the West.




Chicago Bulls:  You know that feeling when you're up up 15, being part of a team that has gone 86 games without losing back to back games (a record only matched by the 1997 Utah Jazz), and you look out into the crowd, and bask in the glory of thousands of adoring fans?

Well, unless you play for the Bobcats, the feeling was all too real for the Bulls who looked like they were gonna massacre the Houston Comets, on their way to keeping the best record in the NBA.

And then you realize, oh damn, it's only halftime!

The Bulls got outscored in the third quarter 19-31, allowing 6 Rocket players to shoot over 50% from the floor.

And that's just the good news.

Chicago went an Antoine Walker-esque 5-17 from 3 point land, saw that 3 point percentage, and thought to make up for it in the free throw department (8-17), but failed in that as well.

The Bulls fell in back to back games for the first time in ages, and Derrick Rose is nowhere to be found.

Oh, and did I mention 19 turnovers? Cause that totally happened.


Washington Wizards Generals:  And what would be a 'Bawful post without one of the teams that provides us with the best comedy night and night out?

This was one of the better games for the Wizards, as they allowed themselves to only get down by as many as 23 points to the Bucks, as oppose to the usual 33 every night.

"I don't think we had the bounce in our legs tonight that I've seen," Washington coach Randy Wittman said. "We were down on ourselves a couple of times. I felt it in our huddle."

Wittman went on to add "But then I realized, hey, we're the Wizards, and we've been down on ourselves every night.  So at least that aspect of our game has stayed consistent"

Also, what kind of bizzarro world do we live in where Monta Ellis only takes 11 shots?  He was very close to taking only 10, which would give him the 6th highest number of shot attempts on the team.

The Bucks won, but I'm totally waiting for those nights where Monta can jack up 25 shots a game. I guess with Brandon Jennings on your side, the competition is gonna be tough.



Tonight's Games:


Spurs at Cavs:  SA finally has everyone healthy, but ask me again in a week and that will probably change.


Knicks at Pacers: Here is the story of two teams going in completely opposite directions.  I'll let you figure out which team plays what role.


Bobscraps at Craptors: In the industry, we call this matchup a 2 1/2 hour bathroom break.


Magic at Pistons: After blowing that game to Dallas, the NBA had to throw the Magic a bone.  I'm sure after the trade deadline next season, the NBA will probably have to schedule the Magic to play the Pistons every night.


Sixers at Heat:  This should be a great matchup!....Until you read the following:

"A visit from the 76ers (29-23) could also help. The Heat have dominated this series of late, taking 10 straight regular-season meetings by 12.4 points per contest. They've won 16 of 18 home meetings when their three wins in the first round of the playoffs last season are included."


Warriors at Grizzlies:  The Grizz are looking for their 6th straight win against the Warriors.  Common logic tells me they'll get it.


Suns at Paupers:  I always wondered what a Steve Nash vs Isiah Thomas matchup would be like.....I guess Steve Nash vs Isaiah Thomas is the next best thing....right?


Nyets at Lakers:  A picture is worth a thousand words:






Speaking of pictures, congrats to Kentucky for winning the 2012 NCAA Championship.  Anthony Davis said that he looks forward to growing as a player and making all the necessary changes to succeed:







Chris's Lacktation Report:



Bucks-Generals: Jon Leuer lacked it up with a +2 in 167 seconds via brick and foul.


Rockets-Bulls: Jimmy Butler jaunted into a quest with Link for a mere 21 seconds to earn a Mario.


Clippers-Mavs: Dominique Jones floated a stock split worth 2.95 trillion (178 seconds) for the Mavs.


Jazz-Frail Blazers
: Joel Przybilla felled three boards in 21:56 with a brick, four fouls and a turnover for a 5:3 Voskuhl, while Hasheem Thabeet can now go to the same golf courses as Paul Allen after a 1.65 trillion (100 seconds). 

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16 Comments:
Anonymous Naz said...
"For the Clippers, this is their first 6 game win streak in 20 years, you know back when Michael Jackson played with kids his own age."



Magnificent. Quip of the season, I reckon.

Blogger winnetou said...
It was a bit of a surprise to see the Kobe Controller posted (without a "call for ball" button, unless that's what shoot does off-ball) without any mention of his performance on Saturday vs the Hornets: 3/21 FGM/A, 1/8 3PM/A. And to boot, quoting straight from the game story:

THE STAT: Bryant was 0-for-7 from 3-point territory and 0-for-15 from the field before burying the go-ahead 3-pointer.

His first FGM was in the 4th quarter, with 7:30 remaining. He still took (and made) the 3-point shot that gave them the lead with Jarret Jack right on him.

Anonymous JJ said...
Raza, that was an awesome post. Many lines that made me (literally) LOL. I especially loved the Kobe controller and Anthony Davis pictures. I thought Michael Jackson joke was a little low blow (only because he's dead now), but I admit it made me laugh. Looking forward to the next post!

Blogger stephanie g said...
Flippers? I don't think dolphins are known for flopping; on the contrary, they're graceful creatures. Or maybe you're saying they Clips are full of chromosomal abnormalities. I can buy that.

Anonymous David said...
I saw this picture on the Golden State of Mind blog. Our chances of getting into the top 7 on draft day are looking pretty good...


...we just have to suck a little harder...

http://cdn2.sbnation.com/imported_assets/1029675/tankstandings2April_medium.jpg

Blogger senormedia said...
Well done Raza. Nice to have you contributing.

Anonymous Anonymous said...
Check this out:
http://www.nba.com/bobcats/photos/120122_nets_09.jpg
http://www.nba.com/bobcats/photos/120326_celtics_03.jpg
http://www.nba.com/bobcats/photos/120117_magic_01a.jpg
should we call it kembaface?

Blogger Raza said...
Haha those pics are great anonymous

steph - full of chromosomal abnormalities, in regards to the Clippers and judging by how Chauncey Billups looks, that sounds about right.

winnetou - I didn't do the wotn for the day after kobe's epic 3-21 performance. But don't worry, I'm sure he'll give us many more bawful performances this season.

Anonymous Naz said...
You know I'm a fan of Tom Leykis, after this season I think "Take me out Kobe style" is going to mean Tom playing a sound effect of a ball clanking off a rim

Blogger kazam92 said...
The worst part is Anthony Davis looks completely normal in the .gif post Barbasol shave. Hope he gets the memo

Blogger Matt said...
Awesome post, Raza! Each successive caption made me laugh more than the previous one.

Blogger Raza said...
kazam - Yeah, it's so weird how he looks so normal without that awful unibrow!

matt - appreciate it buddy, but hopefully once you're done with training you can provide us with even better captions like you always do my man

Blogger chris said...
LOL, speaking of Anthony Davis...

http://news.blogs.cnn.com/2012/04/03/kentuckys-anthony-davis-says-he-hasnt-decided-on-nba-yet/

in the middle of that hard news piece is a link to DJ Gallo's comedy site. No joke.

http://www.sportspickle.com/pictures/gallery/12080/the-10-greatest-example-of-anthony-davis-unibrow-tributes

YEAHHHHHHHHHHH

Blogger Wormboy said...
This is brutal:

http://www.nytimes.com/interactive/2012/03/19/sports/basketball/19linsanity-graphic.html?ref=basketball

Anonymous Anonymous said...
Ha Ha.. I laughed loudly at the Spurs gif and the Anthony Davis "shave" and my co-workers were alarmed :)

Great work, Raza. As usual.

Blogger Raza said...
lol chris - That DJ Gallo link is hilarious and incredibly random

Wormboy - That comparison to the Awakening made my day. Brilliant stuff!

To everyone else: As always the thoughts/comments are appreciated!

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