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Well then, maybe we should have waited before telling Baron what the Knicks road record was
Wait, what the hell did he do to Simba?
Where Dodgeball happens
"Dude, you're letting us beat you? Come on, we'd struggle to beat college teams man!"
After taking a crap on the Knicks, Noah opted to take one on the floor
Mikhail Prokhorov still keeps the lights dim Godfather 2 style as he recovers from no Dwight in sight
Even the cheerleaders are too ashamed to place the Wizards logo on their shirts
Miami cHeat: If I told you that these bozos in black shot 45% from the field, 45% from 3 point land, and even threw in a 35 point quarter for good measure, I'm sure you'd assume it was just another day at the office for the Heat.
On most nights that would be good enough for a win, but on this night.....well let's just say letting the Celtics shoot 60% from the floor, 64% from 3 point land, and a couple 30+ point quarters to boot....you guys see where I'm going with this, right?
"We left Boston feeling awful at our performance," LeBron James said. "I don't feel as bad tonight. Those guys, they were locked in. Not only did they make their open shots, they made their contested shots. ... When you've got it going like that, just tip your hat off. We tip our hat off to them tonight. They won it."
We are going to start taking bets that the LeBron might be saying that 4 more times in May. Just sayin'
Boston led by as many as 18, and Rondo had his18th straight game with double digits in assists. That's the most consecutive number of double digit assist games since Nirvana's Nevermind record release party.
Christopher Boshikins: Yikes, the only thing he did right on this night was to be a Bosh. Going 5-13 from the floor just isn't going to cut it. Especially on a night when your second best big man is Ronny Turiturd.
If there ever was a weakness for the Heat, it's their (un)formidable front line. I know Joel Anthony wasn't playing, but the fact that I even have to mention that when it comes to their frontline tells you everything.
Of course, they'll probably still make the Finals anyway.
Skip Bayless: Yowza, talk about getting destroyed. Jalen Rose put this clown in his place like you wouldn't believe:
I think after this, Skip just do what his name says when it comes to giving his basketball takes.
Charlotte Bobscraps: Charlotte lost for the 49th time this season, the sky remains blue, and Simple Plan still can't sell any records.
The things above are obvious.
The things below are downright 'Bawful:
The all time worst team in NBA history, the 1973 Philadelphia 76ers went 9-73 for a winning percentage of .110
Your 2012 Charlotte Bobscraps? 7-49 and sit at a "winning percentage" of .125.
Should they lose their remaining 7 games (and since their in Anthony Davis mode it's likely) they will go down as the most 'Bawful team in NBA history.
Can you imagine how bad it would be for them if it wasn't a shortened season? *shudders*
New York Bricks: The stats aren't all bad against the Bulls, well except for getting out-rebounded 33-51, and you know, 17 turnovers.
But other than that, things were great.
Derrick Rose got injured again, but the Bulls have gotten so used to that at this point that they woke up Richard Hamilton from his slumber Mummy style, and he led the team with 18 points.
The Knicks got a pretty 'Bawful-esque performance from Landry Fields who went 4-13 to go with the glorious 0-9 performance from Novak, Jeffries, and Douglas combined.
"We got outrebounded," Carmelo Anthony said. "They beat us on the boards. I got two rebounds. I've got to do better than that."
And the Knicks got to do better if they want to keep that playoff spot. Not letting yourself get outscored 10-25 in the 2nd quarter of games would be a start fellas.
Orlando Magic: As if it wasn't bad to let the Wizards shoot 50% from the floor (even they didn't know they were capable of that) but to shoot 36% from the floor yourself against the league's favorite basement dwellers....well guys, there are only so many ways you can tell a team how to get an extra L for the win loss record.
Dwight-less turned the Magic into hopeless, as the Wizards ran them out of the gym with a 34-23 fourth quarter.
Jokes have been made that some college teams could possibly beat the Wizards....well without Dwight, that's pretty much what the Magic looked like.
Pacers vs Cavs: I put $100 on the Pacers. Some bets are too good to pass up.....I hope.
Sixers vs Raptors: Oh how the might have fallen. Sixers have gone 5-10 in their last 15. As for the Craptors, well the Fallen just....continue to fall.
Celtics vs Hawks: According to the AP Preview:
"Though Boston has played well overall and held Atlanta to an average of 82.5 points on 39.6 percent shooting in the last four meetings, the Hawks are a confident group"
Uh, that preview must have been written by Joe Johnson's mother. The Hawks are going to get crushed.
Paupers vs Hornets: These teams are probably thinking: 7 MORE GAMES TILL SUMMER BREAK! WOOO!
Knicks vs Bucks: The battle for the potential victims of a first round sweep begins now
Clippers vs Bucks: You know the Clippers have stepped it up lately, this ought to be a great game. But then again, I think the more intriguing matchup will be who can botch crunch time more: Vinny D or Scotty B? Stay tuned folks.
Suns vs Grizzlies: I'll be pulling for the Suns in this one, but I just hope they don't meet a fate similar to the guy in Grizzly Man when they go to FedEx Arena.
Lakers vs Spurs: That lovely NBA scheduling. These teams play each other 3 times in 9 days. I can't tell if this is still the NBA or Champions League.
Kobe has already had 12 games this season where he has had more Field Goal attempts than points. Something tells me if they ever build a statue of the guy, it will be made out of bricks.
Warriors vs Frail Blazers: No game is actually going to be played, these teams will simply sit at center court and figure out the best places to beach it up in Cancun in a couple weeks.
McNuggets vs Timberpups: And I end this post with a JAVALE MAGOO VIDEO!
The most 'Bawful 60 seconds an NBA player has had in years:
The gift that just keeps on giving.
Chris's Lacktation Report:
Celtics-El (Oh El) Heat: Norris Cole went +1 via brick in 178 seconds.
Bobcats-Cavs: Manny Harris handled one foul in 4:11 for a +1.
Sixers-Nyets: Sam Young rang up one foul in 139 seconds to give the Sixers a +1.
Meanwhile, New Jersey's Shelden Williams countered 2 steals and an assist as starting big man with a brick, three turnovers, and three fouls for a 6:0 Voskuhl in 17:58.
Purple Paupers-Mavs: Chuck Hayes logged into the ledger despite a board in 7:32, by bricking once, taking a rejection, and earning one foul and one turnover each for a 2:1 Voskuhl.
Dallas's Ian Mahinmi made 100% of his field goal attempts (one try exactly), and even gathered a board in 8:14, only to get a 4:3 Voskuhl via fouls. And Dominique Jones upgraded to a Gamecube after 36 seconds of battling King Koopa for a celebratory Mario.
Knicks-Bulls: Josh Harrellson can now waste a treasure away like the Dolans after earning a 1.25 trillion (75 seconds).
Chicago's Mike James had 6 seconds to blow the dust off of an Excite Bite cartridge for a SUPER MARIO!
Labels: Raza, Worst of the Night