Well, folks, it looks like this lockout ain't gonna end any time soon. It's sad, but as many of you know, I like to try to take lemons and, well, hurl them against a brick wall just to watch them splatter.

With the dearth of basketball excitement these days, how many comments have started "This has nothing to do with basketball, but..." So it sounds, frankly, like some of us need to circle the wagons as it were, huddle around a campfire as the weather turns icy, and enjoy a new subject or two in response to our favorite sport collectively giving us the finger.

Ever thought to yourself "My God, that Evil Ted post was a piece of shit. I wonder if he has the capacity to fail and disappoint me on topics other than basketball." Well, the answer to that is a resounding "Yes!"

Behold my lemon juice covered brick wall of an alternative. Give it a test drive, kick the tires, hump the gas tank opening, and leave a rotten fish in the glove compartment.

One great thing about it for me is that it requires very little research - it's just a vehicle for the stupid thoughts spinning in my head at any given point. Another great thing about it is that my head can't go on strike, or be subjected to a lockout...well, there was that time in 2004 when my head demanded more money and better hours and stopped working or about a month until I gave it a new contract, but that incident was quickly resolved and thanks to the Xanax I don't think it will ever happen again.

Screw you, David Stern...you just gave birth to Lemonwall.

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23 Comments:
Anonymous The Other Chris said...
Ever thought to yourself "My God, that Evil Ted post was a piece of shit. I wonder if he has the capacity to fail and disappoint me on topics other than basketball."

I lol'ed.

Anonymous czernobog said...
Wait, are we blaming the whole thing on David Stern?

Anonymous Anonymous said...
@czernobog -

well, the Jews do have a long history of being scapegoats...

Blogger Evil Ted said...
You're right, anonymous - I should be more even-handed. Black people like Michael Jordan are partly to blame as well.

Fight the power!

Anonymous Anonymous said...
Bat Villains or NBA Team Owners?
http://retrorebirth.files.wordpress.com/2010/07/batman-robin-1966-tv-villians-wallpaper-h.jpg

Anonymous January said...
I hope the lock out will be over.

Anonymous Ignarus said...
Bookmarked!

Anonymous Anonymous said...
shouldnt this be #215? the last two were numbered wrong too

Blogger Evil Ted said...
If I had known people were going to care so deeply about the Lockout Positive numbering system, I would have definitely given a crap about keeping them in strict sequence.

Anonymous Matt said...
Considering your audience here, I think it was pretty much a given that people would be pointing out inconsistencies in the Lockout Positive numbering sequence.

That doesn't mean that they actually care about the sequence, but you should have known they would have jumped on any inconsistencies.


Oh, and your writing sucks. Why do you even bother? (that's how I was supposed to end my post, right?)

Blogger Evil Ted said...
Thanks Matt - I feed off testicle-shrinking criticism like oxygen.

Blogger KHayes666 said...
Here's my Bawful story of the day.

I read an ad in the New York Times 2 weeks ago that Shaq will be appearing at a local bookstore to sign books last friday. Since my friend's birthday was coming up and the fact my fiancee has one of Shaq's jackets (don't ask) I figured I'd take the two of them to see him that night. That Wednesday I bought the book (came out the day before) at Barnes and Nobles and was all set for friday....then came the Bawful.

I go to the store's website for directions to the place on Thursday and the fine print was Shaq will be signing books ONLY for people who actually bought the book at the store. *Insert Raptor Mascot Fail here*

So yep, spent 27 dollars and didn't get to meet Shaq. To top off the Bawfulness, he takes several shots at Greg Ostertag during the course of the book.

Blogger Wormboy said...
Great idea! Just get rid of that RedSox and Patriots crap on the header.... :P

PS You can leave Larry. Seems like a good deal, right?

Blogger Wormboy said...
News flash: "Cuttino Mobley sues Knicks over heart problem!"

Funny, I thought all the Knicks from the Isaiah Thomas era had heart problems....

Thank you, I'll be here all week.

Anonymous Stockton said...
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0191397/

No? No?
ESPN doubleheader:

Ostertag vs Bryant Reeves
Antoine Walker vs Allen Iverson

Anonymous JJ said...
Oh wow, ET. "Thanks Matt - I feed off testicle-shrinking criticism like oxygen"?!?! Even as a joke, that's such an emasculating statement that I feel no mortal man should have to utter those words. It seriously made me feel depressed just to read it. Please don't say that again.

Blogger Wormboy said...
Shaq takes shots at Ostertag? WTF? Low hanging fruit.

Blogger Wormboy said...
And your new site's theme song:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5tHHRpAzGcM

Anonymous Anonymous said...
http://www.nbpa.com/

looool

Blogger Wormboy said...
Stern said, "let there be a shortened season!"

And there was.

http://www.nytimes.com/2011/11/27/sports/basketball/nba-and-basketball-players-reach-deal-to-end-lockout.html?_r=1&hp

Anonymous The Nightbringer said...
Welp, unless someone already mentioned it..

http://dimemag.com/2011/11/the-lockout-is-almost-over-we-are-getting-nba-basketball-for-christmas/#more-100980

Blogger Dick Sullivan said...
NB fucking A

Anonymous That one human... said...
Finally! Some long awaited bawful. I'm ecstatic now.

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