Vag_Carter
Nothing will you stop you in your tracks quite like severe vaginal cramping
(Submitted by Basketbawful reader The Gazelle)

When you're done attending Clutch the Bear's mascot fantasy camp, come back here and check out these bawful links:

In the wake of Amar'e Stoudemire's mom getting arrested, we have a unreal interview with her courtesy of KTVK-TV. As the very first comment on that site notes, she's "like a character from MADtv." Twenty two minutes of rambling insanity and carefully choosing her words to make it sounds like she did nothing wrong and was railroaded by the cops.

In even better news? A story confirming what us Suns fans hoped: Amar'e is unlikely to re-sign with the Suns. Maybe they can actually have someone on the floor who actually rebounds and plays defense every once in awhile. So long, STATUE. (Thanks to Basketbawful reader gebwel for suggesting that fantastic nickname)

Oh, and to cap it all off, the new Nyets owner Mikhail Prokhorov continues to be eccentric, insane, and fantastically entertaining. It's like he's going out of his way to create fodder for our website. Oh, and for Bill Simmons as well.

Worst of the Night in Pictures:

20100519-danny-devito
Are we sure Danny DeVito isn't really Stan Van Gundy's father?


20100519-kobe
"I'm gonna fingerbang the hell out of you with this bandaged finger."


20100519-kobe-gasol
Sigh.


20100519-crawford
No wonder the officiating has been sometimes sketchy. You can't see the game well sitting on the floor, Crawford! He doesn't even notice the player in a heap in front of him.

All The Saturday Games:
Magic at Celtics - ESPN, 8:30pm
Celtics lead series 2-0

Glad to see the Celtics finally remembered how to shift out of neutral and back into gear. I'm afraid that the Magic will suddenly remember how to hit a jumpshot, but the look in Vag Carter's eyes when he got up to shoot those Nick Anderson style free throws says a lot about this series.

* * *

All The Sunday Games:
Lakers at Suns - TNT, 8:30pm
Lakers lead series 2-0

If the Lakers just feed the ball to Gasol in the post every single possession, how long does it take for the Suns to figure out how to defend against it? I think somewhere around September or October at the earliest. Sigh.

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31 Comments:
Anonymous Czernobog said...
That Simmons Article was fun.

And man, I do not envy Carter's Ob\Gyn.

Anonymous Czernobog said...
Also, question.

I just wrote elsewhere that not only do I think David Lee is a better player then STATUE, but that I would even prefer Luis Scola on my team. Did I go overboard in a fit bitterness over his recent play?

Anonymous Sorbo said...
Average minds think alike, Bawful. I thought the same thing when Vag Carter's yeast infection acted up. I also like that we now have Russian Mark Cuban in the East and American Mark Cuban in the West. Stern now has two foils!

Blogger Andrei said...
I don't know if anyone watches The Soup here, but as I read the description of Stoudemire's mom I just thought about the drunk woman from The Soup who says "Donga-do balls!". Looking at the clip and the appearance of STATUE's mom the truth is far more funny.

Anonymous Anonymous said...
I thought Crawford was trying to pick a fight with the lady in the striped shirt.

Blogger GMoney said...
Those two in front of Crawford are two of the counselors from the Dr. Drew Celebrity Rehab place. How they can afford courtside Lakers tickets, I do not know.

Anonymous Anonymous said...
Bawful, to be fair, it's the uterus that cramps; leave the vajayjay out of this one :)

Blogger zyth said...
http://sports.yahoo.com/nba/news;_ylt=Alnx3MPGaR_oC98s.oiVFle8vLYF?slug=ap-lakers-suns
you have to wonder,do they ask him to rebound?

Anonymous il7mago said...
I'm pretty sure Vag tried to miss the second FT on PURPOSE, just look at him hint over to Nelson right before.
He did brick the first one out of pure stupidity though..

Blogger Wormboy said...
On the Gasol point, I don't think there's any figuring for the Suns to do: they just don't have anybody who can guard him. He's got a great repertoire of moves, and he passes excellently.

Anonymous Axe Head said...
Off topic, but don't you just HAVE to have Vince Carter somewhere in the image at the top of the home page? With that fearful "Nick Anderson" look in Game 2?

Anonymous Heretic said...
Well the rape continues for the Magic. Carter can't guard for shit.

Blogger stephanie g said...
I'm not sure what's worse, Orlando's horrific entry passing or Dwight's complete inability to do anything if he does get it in good position...even with a big fat baby on him.

Blogger Basketbawful said...
So...where are all those peeps who said the Magic were a better team this year than when they made the Finals last year?

Blogger Ivan said...
Granted Basketbawful, nobody expected the Magic to pull a Cleveland...

Anonymous Heretic said...
I think Magic and Cavs made a fatal mistake this year of assuming where they'd be in the post season. Cavs assumed they'd be facing the Magic in the ECF and so got shaq which was part of the reason they never got to the ECF. Magic assumed they'd be facing the lakers again in the finals and so got Vince when Turkoglu left as an offensive threat. Ofcourse Vag is one of the reasons they won't get to the finals this year. Hilarity all around.

Anonymous Anonymous said...
"So...where are all those peeps who said the Magic were a better team this year than when they made the Finals last year?"

Are they the same people who thought the Washington Capitals would make the Stanley Cup this year? :p

Anonymous Anonymous said...
donnie hutchins again here. i saw that the courtside reporter craig sager looks like shit maybe the nba needs to imitate the philippine basketball association by putting hot female courtside reporters here is a photo of lia cruz and patricia bermudez hizon

lia cruz - http://firequinito.com/uploads/basketball/lia-cruz.jpg

patricia bermudez hizon - http://kahitsino.org/wp-content/uploads/2009/12/PatriciaHizon.jpg

Blogger beep said...
When you miss over 40 shots offensive glass should be important. Yet Magicians were back on their half few seconds after one of them released the shot, each time. I wonder if those 3 offensive boards recorded weren't a mistake.

Anonymous Mick Dundee said...
The Magic are a better team than last year.

It's just that the Celtics are better, too.

Everyone seems to forget that the Celtics didn't have Garnett last year. And they took Orlando to seven games. Without the linchpin of their defense and their primary offensive weapon inside. How anyone could be surprised by what's transpiring now is beyond me.

Orlando should count themselves lucky if they steal one game. It's a team of boys playing a team of men.

Anonymous Czernobog. said...
Talk about being dismantled. Like a watchmaker with a WWI era officer's wristwatch.

WV: baldsts. Orlando's stats could be described as baldsts.

Blogger Fishy said...
Kobe, Gasol and Fisher are the only ones who showed up today.... oof.

Blogger chris said...
Postgame interview: Craig Sager in a pink suit talking to Statue, brings up recent criticism over lackluster play.

Statue's response?

"My dedication to the game should never be questioned. I always give 100%."

Um...

Well, why don't we consult that AnacondaHL gem I just linked to and look at this "highlight."

Yeah.

Maybe if you can have three more 42 point nights, everyone can overlook your lack of hustle on other evenings, but until then...

Blogger Basketbawful said...
I'm glad the Suns stuck with the zone tonight...sure it gives up some easy points, but I'd rather see the Lakers shooting long distance shots than layups.

Anonymous Karc said...
Yeah, about that "4th" ranked defense for the Lakers, gave up another 118 points tonight to the Suns and lost. 24th ranked three-point shooting, so why not take 32 threes and only hit 9. There was a sequence late in the game where they shot four bricked threes in a row, I think they were only down by 4 at that point. Sure enough, Suns go up 10, ball game over.

Of course, there was the obligatory "stat curse" when it was mentioned that the Lakers are unbeaten in the playoffs when Gasol and Byrant score 20 each. Not any more.

One of the interesting arguments I hear from people who defend the Lakers is that they play smart basketball. Watched that fourth quarter. Five turnovers, Odom fouling out, Lakers getting sucked into bad jumpers from a zone defense of guys six inches shorter than them. Not proclaiming to be an expert at basketball, but going into the paint seemed to be working.

Can we just hand the title to Boston at this point? Seriously, who's going to beat them? Orlando's deadly (more like suicidal) three-point shooting? The Lakers' stupidity to rely on their 24th-ranked three-point shooting when they've got a guy in there who's virtually unstoppable in the post (Gasol went 11-14, could have been 19-23 and a win if they take out the gun-slinging). Suns don't have a chance against a team that actually plays some defense.

And, LA fans (including the ones in Phoenix), quit this whole "We want Boston" chant. First, you haven't beaten the Suns yet. BTW, WOTN goes to Andrew Bynum for this nugget (http://probasketballtalk.nbcsports.com/2010/05/guess-which-laker-started-talking-about-the-nba-finals-already-go-on-guess.php), then stinking out the joint with a field goal, two rebounds, and four fouls in under eight minutes. This goes back to my whole "Lakers are not that smart" position. Paul Pierce did a similar thing the other day after the road win in Orlando (basically tweeting that the series was over, and it is), and Doc Rivers immediately got on his case for it, saying "I wish he hadn't said that." Ray Allen chipped in something about humility. Pierce redeems himself the next game in a team effort to crush the Magic. Where was Fisher to take the "humble" stance? Or Phil Jackson with something about staying in the zone? Though he gets a slight pass because of the AWESOME shot at Craig Sager's suit, calling him the Good Humor Ice Cream Man. Lakers may win the series, but you'll probably be chanting "No more Boston" after they bitchslap the Lakers in 5.

Blogger zyth said...
http://hangtime.blogs.nba.com/2010/05/24/nash-pops-nose-back-in-place/?ls=iref:nbahpt1

so,um,when do we fawn over Brons or Kobes toughness next? Its just ridiculous how little love Nash gets around the world.

Anonymous kobefearslebron said...
Hey Bawful,

Maybe you can use this on your blog:
http://farm5.static.flickr.com/4063/4634324077_d4520b1335_o.jpg

Anonymous Mladen said...
Mike Brown is officially fired! They put it up on NBA.com's home page, as "breaking news".

Blogger BadDave said...
Just because it blew my mind.

Blogger AnacondaHL said...
1) Las Vegas is awesome. When you can actively root for the ECF to suck, and win money knowing the game will be shitty, that is excellent.

2) Missed the Suns game due to flights, and the recording is borked, thanks Comcast. This seems like one of those games that can't be figured by the box score alone, but I see correlations in Artest and Odom not shooting well, Amare with actual defensive rebounds, and Frye still spraying fecal matter all over the place despite the win.

cool and sufficient means to increase the knowledge I would be this!

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