A little old school man love courtesy of Jalen Rose and Mark Jackson
(via Andy Gray's SI Vault)

There were only two games last night and there's only two games tomorrow night, but on tonight's slate we've got a real bevy of bawfulness to the tune of 13 games. That's like a giant basketball sandwich! But before we look ahead to all the wonderful things The Association has in store for us tonight, let's first reflect back on what happened last night.

Worst of the Night in Pictures:

Here LeBron accepts the NBA Douche of the Month Award for backing out of the slam dunk contest.

No wonder John Hollinger said Jose Calderon is
"probably the worst defensive PG in the league right now."

Wow, that's um, quite some attendance they're
getting down there in Miami these days.

Can someone tell me why it looks like the Heat have
as many banners hanging in their rafters as the Celtics do?

Nationally Televised Game:

Jazz at Spurs - You know, I'm tempted to dub this tonight's Basketbawful Game of the Night simply because Dick Vitale is calling it, but I think I'll leave that honor to something a little further down the page.

All the Other Games:

Kings at Hawks - Something to keep in mind if you're betting on tonight's winner: Sacramento is 3-16 on the road and Atlanta is 16-5 at home. You do the math.

Pacers at Magic - Tonight the Magicians look to see if their strategy of freezing out Dwight Howard and his newfound bank shot will keep their losing streak alive, but Indiana just got drilled in Miami last night so that might not happen.

Frail Blazers at 76ers - One team is totally inept and the other looks like they just took a car ride with Chris Brown. Ladies and gentlemen, this is your Basketbawful Game of the Night.

Mavs at Wizards Generals Bullets - The last time these teams played was opening night, when Washington beat Dallas badly on their home court and it looked like the Wiz were gonna maybe be championship contenders this year. Boy what a difference three months makes.

Heat at Bobcats - Has anyone noticed the Cats have got the best record of any team in the league in 2010? Miami's on the second night of a back to back in Charlotte and might be in trouble in this one.

Celtics at Pistons - Rasheed makes his first return to Detroit after bolting last summer for greener pastures in Boston. Maybe he'll get a double tech and an ejection just for old time's sake.

Grizzlies at Hornets - Two rather surprisingly good teams of late, but something to keep an eye on: CP3 has fouled out of two of his last three games after only doing so once in the previous 300 or so games.

Craptors at Bucks - Brandon Jennings' Rookie of the Year bid might get a big bump tonight, seeing as how he's squaring off against possibly the worst defensive PG in the league.

Thunder at Timberwolves - Minnesota appears to be a speed bump on Oklahoma's road to the playoffs, but might actually put up a fight if Kevin Love gets over his strep throat and suits up for this one.

Nyets at Suns - With the way Phoenix has been spiraling downward lately, you can guess how desperately happy they are to see New Jersey and their three wins on the schedule for tonight.

Nuggets at Warriors - Nellie's hapless defenders are actually better at home than Denver is on the road, so Gol_en State might actually have a chance in this one.

Bulls at Clippers - The Bulls go for their fifth road win of the season against the Other LA Team tonight in the Clip Joint. Which center looks weirder: Chris Kaman or Joakim Noah? Leave your votes in the comments.

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39 Comments:
Blogger Dan B. said...
Holy freaking crap, that Jalen Rose/Mark Jackson picture is amazing. And a little creepy. (I cannot tell you how much I love that SI Vault Twitter feed. It's a never-ending source of vintage bawful)

Kaman is one weird looking dude, but my vote goes to Noah. The tiebreaker? Noah's legendary draft day suit.

Blogger AnacondaHL said...
Dear Suns,

Even you guys can't possibly fuck this one up. Please win TIA.

-AnacondaHL

P.S.: LOPEZ VS LOPEZ!

Blogger Kcan said...
Shaq just showed off his foot. WoTN

http://img228.imageshack.us/img228/3175/0120shaq1526.jpg

Blogger Dan B. said...
AnacondaHL -- The Suns are at home and they aren't playing on TNT. They've got a good shot. And yes, hot Lopez on Lopez action!! Woo

Blogger AnacondaHL said...
Dan B.: Where's the link for people who don't know about basketball to a movie file "HOT_TWINS_ACTION:_Robin_Lopez_on_Brook_Lopez!!!REAL!.avi"

Anonymous CaptainHomeless said...
I would say that Kaman is more traditionally ugly, but Joakim Noah is definitely the weirder-looking of the two.

Blogger chris said...
Yams: Well, they DID put up a banner for Michael Jordan...no, really.

Sigh.

Blogger chris said...
BTW, I AM surprised that Donald Sterling hasn't emulated the habit his down-the-hall neighbors at Staples does, and dimmed the lights severely for games (which would also hide any empty seats that are sure to be found when the Clippers have their paint on the floor) - wouldn't that save him a buck on his energy bill!??!?!?!

Blogger chris said...
CaptainHomeless: You KNOW you're synonymous with bad-looking when in GIS, the automatic search string generator immediately tries to add "ugly" when you type in "Chris Kaman."

But how do they compare to Larry Legend, Stache-Era?

Blogger AnacondaHL said...
chris: Celebs frequent Lakers games, and they limit the invasion of privacy. OTOH, porn stars frequent Clippers games, and turning down the lights would, uhm, enable some other kind of invasion...

Anonymous 1980s said...
LOL, yes Lebron gets the douche of the month award for stealing the spotlight at last years dunk contest; and now stealing the spotlight again this year by backing out of it.

Blogger Wild Yams said...
chris wasn't lying, here's photographic evidence that attempting to search for "Chris Kaman" on Google automatically prompts you to search for "Chris Kaman ugly".

Blogger chris said...
AnacondaHL: You mean that celebs want "privacy" while sitting courtside? Never would've guessed.

Blogger chris said...
AND...former Crabs coach John Lucas claims to ESPN that Cleveland tanked hard to catch the royal crustacean!!!!!!!

Anonymous DeWoof01 said...
Two quick things:

1. Lopez on Lopez could open up a whole new man love category, incestual man love.
2. Fuck Lebron. The second he said he was going to be in the dunk contest this year during last years shitfest (read setup in advance to feature howard & robinson) I knew he would puss out. I mean what the hell? He goes around doing all this stupid camera and dancing shit acting like hes better than the NBA and then he pusses out like this. Note to Lebron, Robinson is fucking 5'9" (if that) you are one full foot taller than him, and you won't enter because you don't think you can beat him?

Sorry for the rant I had to get that out.

Blogger Wild Yams said...
Mr. Bawful - According to ESPN, you were raised in Illinois. Clearly someone over there wasn't reading the Living Large saga this summer. Nevertheless, congrats on making their Top 10 :)

Anonymous kazam92 said...
As someone who's been to heat games, all the banners are for 90's Atlantic division titles, Shaq era Southeast division titles, and the lone 06 title.


Yes our attendance is abysmal

The Heat hang a banner every time their fans get free chalupas at 100 points.

Anonymous Miller31 said...
http://imageshack.dk//viewimage.php?file=/imagesfree/Mhx33135.png

I know the Mavs are old.. But really, in black and white?????

Blogger Basketbawful said...
Yams -- Yeeeeeah. I didn't want to kill Henry's mojo, especially when he picked one of my posts out of thousands.

By the way, I wanted to answer a question you had about the Celtics yesterday.

You and Dwyer are right: they didn't bring it the other night the way they should have, and used to. But really, KG is the team's conscience. For good or bad. I mean, let's face it, PP and Ray-Ray weren't the "bring it every night" kind of guys until they teamed up with KG. It's just the way it is. That's why most teams need a Alpha Dog to push them. That's what Kobe does for the Lakers, even when he's not shooting well, he intimdates the other guys into playing harder.

KG does that with the C's, and I'd be really surprised if their intensity doesn't pick up after he gets back. Does that mean the team is fundamentally flawed without him? Sure. The same could be said for the Lakers. Hey, Ron Artest has never behaved himself as well as he has this year, except maybe during the 2003-04 season.

Blogger Basketbawful said...
The Heat hang a banner every time their fans get free chalupas at 100 points.

The sad thing is, I don't doubt it. They are, after all, the same franchise that retired the number of a guy who not only didn't play for them, but who tortured them out of the playoffs several times...and that was before they'd retired the numbers of any of their own players!

Blogger AnacondaHL said...
chris: Compare the airtime celebs get in LA with, say, Eva Longoria in San Antonio. It's just to go watch the game, maybe one or two quick camera shots, and that's it. Probably helps if the lights are low too. You also get your own waitress (based on my one experience sitting lower level for a Lakers game).

Also, AHAHAHA on ESPN (Wake at UNC) they just said people used to go to the UConn women's basketball games to study, because it was quieter than the library. I am a horrible person for finding this hilarious, while also wondering why I didn't think of doing this.

Blogger Wild Yams said...
People tend to forget that the Heat also retired Dan Marino's number. I mean, at least Jordan played in the arena at some point, even if it was for the other team.

Mr. Bawful - This isn't the first time the Celtics have been without KG in the last few years though, and in the past they've played pretty damn well without him. I'm not really making a claim that I know what exactly ails the Celtics, I'm just saying I suspect it might be more than just them missing KG. The way they packed it in on Monday was really startling. It was almost Nyets-esque. I think something's going on there that hasn't yet surfaced.

Speaking of Artest, he behaved himself pretty well last year, didn't he? I don't remember anything he did which really raised eyebrows (other than maybe his run-in with Kobe, although even then it seemed like most people thought he was in the right there). He even seemed downright affable at times, especially in his post game press conferences with Yao.

In any event, I think the Lakers would probably do OK in the short term without Kobe. Kobe is the Alpha Dog, but he also hogs the ball quite a bit (unlike KG). With the talent the Lakers have, they'd probably do OK with the wealth being spread some. The biggest downside might be that Kobe's backup, Sasha Vujacic, is probably an even bigger ball hog than Kobe is, just without any talent whatsoever. I will say, there's been an awful lot of Laker fans calling for Kobe to take some time off and get healthy over the last month or so, so I don't think I'm alone in thinking the Lakers could still be quite good for a bit without #24. They wouldn't be title contenders without him, of course, but I bet they'd still post a decent record if they had to go without him for a month or so.

Blogger AnacondaHL said...
Seriously, Suns. Come on.

On a bright note, I found the YouTube of a commercial I saw a while ago on YES, and which I just saw again. MetroPCS's Tech&Talk might be the best thing about watching this channel.

Anonymous kazam92 said...
I. F*cking. Hate. Being. A. Heatfan.


Can someone check if a team has ever won by 30 one game then lost by 40 the next game?

Blogger AnacondaHL said...
Haha kazam, I was just coming in here to mention how jarring the box score of that Heat game is. In fact, the entire WOTN writeup could just be numbers, because they are just that staggering.

Anonymous BW in Cleveland said...
Two things:

1)This Utah-SAS game is awful. I feel like I'm back in the mid 90s watching Knicks-Heat except for a gross lack of elbowing, Marv Albert announcing, and moderate level of entertainment value.

2)If you live in Cali or are a beer fan in general, grab a magnum of Alesmith Speedway Stout. I'm somewhat of a beer specialist and I say with no hyperbole its one of the top 5 beers I've ever had. Other than that, I got nothing. 14 hour day at the office and I'm tired, grumpy, and yearning for the week to end.

Anonymous BW in Cleveland said...
Christ on a cracker Anaconda, I make a good night post and I see your last dig on the Heat game. Had to go check the box score to get the skinny. Great night by the Heat if they were doing a collective Sandy Lyle impression (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8K2v2XFYg_Q) watch it @0:41. Fucking hell, were they playing murderball in handcuffs?

Blogger mg said...
I think Timmy just posted a new career-high in Duncan faces tonight. Memo Okur (yes, Memo) is eating him alive in what was supposed to be his big night. What a whiny bitch.

Blogger Kelly said...
Well on the plus side my Blazers won. On the minus a million side BRoy has further injured his hamstring. Sigh, where do we go to order dozen protective plastic bubbles? I mean really, somewhere Kobe Bryant is rubbing his hands together Montgomery Burns style, cackling with glee about how effective his Blazer voodoo dolls are working out. I mean that's got to be the only logical explanation, right?..right?

Blogger Wild Yams said...
I'd like to reiterate my above speculations/concerns about the Boston Celtics. They lost to the Pistons tonight, and that was despite Detroit's starting front court of Ben Wallace, Jonas Jerebko and Chris Wilcox scoring only 10 combined points. If it was one aberrant game like this, then no big deal, but this is now officially a trend. And don't blame Scalabrine for this one as he only played 6 minutes. It also wasn't the second night of a back to back, cause Boston was off yesterday and this was only their second game in the last 6 days. Boston had only 30 points in the second half tonight against a Pistons team that now only has 15 wins on the season. Detroit also used a zone defense in the second half of this one, a defense which is notoriously weak when used for extended stretches.

It gets worse though. To start things off, Sheed got what can only be called a mixed reaction at best when he was introduced to the Detroit crowd. Then later, in the second quarter, Glen "Big Baby" Davis lost his cool with a fan after the fan kept calling him "fat boy" and "chubs". Davis apparently used some of the language that typically only KG uses on the bench, which then prompted the fan to file a complaint with the arena's security. Evidently the Celtics TV and radio broadcasts clearly picked the whole tirade up on their mics. After the game Doc Rivers said "Shame on Glen" a few times to the media in regard to the incident. Here's the footage for your viewing pleasure.

Anonymous Ray said...
may be off-topic, but still related to nba b-ball ...

Dalembert's trip to Haiti :
http://sports.espn.go.com/nba/news/story?id=4844504

=/

Anonymous Anonymous said...
http://chronicle.augusta.com/stories/2010/01/19/nba_563760.shtml

A league for white Americans.

""There's nothing hatred about what we're doing," he said. "I don't hate anyone of color. But people of white, American-born citizens are in the minority now. Here's a league for white players to play fundamental basketball, which they like."

Lewis said he wants to emphasize fundamental basketball instead of "street-ball" played by "people of color." "

Blogger Vasco said...
Jennings was 5-21 shooting against the raptors.

Shouldn't someone on that team put the kid in his place? If the coach doesn't do it I expected some of the players to do it.

Anonymous Geert said...
Yes, Lebron is a douche for not participating in the dunkcontest. That is, if they even asked him. Do we know that for sure?

Altough I have a hard time believing the NBA does not want to see James in the contest, there ofcourse is a tiny possibility that somewhere in the secret NBA offices some employee was like 'he's saying no anyway, let's not ask him'. This is all hypothetical ofcourse, but maybe a treatening/asskissing call ('James, participate or get called on all your travels from now on.') from David Stern would have pushed him over the yes-saying edge. Figuratively speaking ofcoure. James falling of an edge would only injure him. Altough it would be pretty funny if Stern really pushed him from an edge.

However. I was just saying. Lebron should not have been saying no in advance while announcing it last year anyway.

WF: ousto. 'Lebron ousto'd himself from the dunkcontest.'

Anonymous winnetou said...
Some manlove from the twins game: http://img697.imageshack.us/img697/8327/manlovebarbosaref.jpg

Anonymous NarSARSsist said...
somewhere Kobe Bryant is rubbing his hands together Montgomery Burns style, cackling with glee about how effective his Blazer voodoo dolls are working out. I mean that's got to be the only logical explanation, right?..right?
Exaaaaaaactly...d'oh!

Anonymous Barry said...
That's some vintage man love, in the truest sens of the word.

Blogger Wormboy said...
I was assuming that the Heat had a little elementary school thing going on: "Participant, NBA Eastern Conference, 1990-91" or some such thing." Everybody's a winner!

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