The 70s were a different timeWow, that's some bad attire, 1975 Larry Brown.

Speaking of bad attire, put on your Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles Snuggie, because it's time for Wednesday Night "Two Days Until Christmas" BAD! No ESPN games tonight, and no games at all tomorrow. However, we get a full freaking day of nationally televised games on Christmas Day, so it's all good. Kinda like this picture.

Worst of the Night in Pictures:

Anthony Morrow

Okay, this is taking man love to a whole new uncomfortable level.

Elton Brand

This reminds me of something...

Kobe

I was going to make a Kobe rape trial joke here, but, eh, too easy.

Bobcats National Anthem

The Bobcats had the Maytag Repair Man sing the National Anthem. You can't make this stuff up.

Joakim Noah (son of tennis pro Yannick Noah) and John McEnroe. Wow. (h/t Chris)

Pau GasolThe Gasol Brothers always have the best facial expressions


Nationally Televised Games:
Rockets at Magic: Vince Carter is now on a 28.6% shooting streak over the past four games. Okay, here's my theory: the even-more-insane Stephon Marbury has convinced Vinsanity to start eating Vaseline like Starbury, and his hands are so slippery afterwards that it makes it hard to shoot. Plausible, right?

All The Other Games:
Raptors at Pistons: Okay, the Raptors have somehow won two straight, but one of those wins was against the Nyets. Speaking of which...

Timberwolves at Nyets: Oh sweet merciful crap, this is a bad, bad game. Kill it with fire! Do I need to say it? Your Basketbawful Game of the Night, everyone!

Jazz at Heat: You know, I can't figure out exactly why, but the Jazz are having trouble winning on the road this year. (Checks Internet) "Sloan's team is 5-8 on the road, averaging 96.5 points. The Jazz average 105.3 at home." Oh. Well, there you go.

Warriors at Hornets: Gol_en State is 3-13 on the road. New Orleans is 10-3 at home. Well, I think we can all see where this game is heading...

Wizards Generals at Bucks: This stat really surprised me. The Bucks are averaging 98.0 points per game, and giving up 97.3 per game. And yet they are only 12-14? That's what happens when your record in games decided by 3 or fewer points is only 2-8.

Ail Blazers at Spurs: Thanks to the Curse of Walton, Portland doesn't have Oden, Vanilla Godzilla Przybilla, or any true centers to protect the rim. If Tim Duncan decides to go off and have a monster night, I won't be the least bit surprised.

Hawks at Nuggets: Poor Denver. George Karl is probably calling and texting Chauncey Billups every five minutes asking if he's feeling ready to play yet.

Thunder at Suns: The last time the Thunder won a game in Phoenix (a 152-149 double OT game in 2006), they were still the Sonics, and Nick Collison is the only player from that roster still with the team.

Crabs at Kings: King Crab versus the Kings! I just like how that fits together. At least it's the most interesting thing about this blowout-in-the-making. And our own Chris will be there!

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13 Comments:
Blogger AnacondaHL said...
uhh...uhm...I don't really know what to do with this....

I know some people here watch Jersey Shore, and some people play Street Fighter, so, uh, click on this link to YouTube...

Blogger chris said...
Bill Simmons eating major crow on Tyreke the Freak: DELICIOUS.

http://sports.espn.go.com/espn/page2/story?page=simmons/091223&sportCat=nba

To quote:

(Important note: Dismissing Evans' potential was my single biggest column-related misfire this decade, and I'm the same guy who thought Orlando was crazy for taking Howard over Okafor. In my draft diary, I wrote the joke, "(Stu) Scott on Evans: 'His nickname is 'Hugo' because he was born during Hurricane Hugo.' That pick was a natural disaster. Literally." The whole debacle mortally wounded my chances to become a GM someday. I'm not gonna lie. Evans has a chance to be a top-10 player some day. Although I still believe I was correct with one thing: In no way, shape or form is he a point guard. You will never sell me on that one.)

After Monday's epic recovery, I'm at the point where the result of tonight's crustacean crusade north of the American River is irrelevant to my enjoyment of the spectacle. I know that Westphal will have these guys competing hard, regardless of the final score, and that's about all you can ask for with this roster. (And, if it's close late, Evans will be there to take the game on his back, as has been the case many times before this season!)

Blogger chris said...
Apparently, Scrappy Doo continues to fail at owning up to his mistakes (as is befitting an annoying sidekick) -

In the jubilant Kings locker room after the game, Bulls center Brad Miller surprised his former team and immediately was showered with grief.

“I didn’t have anything to do with that (game),” Miller said, despite going 0 of 4 from the field in 22 minutes.

Blogger Dan B. said...
AnacondaHL -- Epic.

Blogger AnacondaHL said...
Ahahaha the end of the Nets-Wolves game is hilariously bad. Close, but bad.

Blogger AnacondaHL said...
Bwahahaha it got even worse, right down to the last play. I couldn't have asked for better for Basketbawful. Down by 4, with the last play, I've never seen a finer game of Hot Potato than that played by the Nets.

Blogger The Dude Abides said...
Good God, the end of that Minny-Jersey game was epic. But only on the Jersey side, as Minny made their free throws.

Jersey with the ball, about 22 seconds left, down four: they go for a quick two, but the Minny defender cuts off Harris, who passes out to the 3-pt line. One more pass around the arc and there's about 12 seconds left. You would think that at this point, the Nets would realize that you can't go for a quick two anymore. But Yi gets the ball and tries to drive, gets cut off, then passes back to Dooling beyond the arc, who pump fakes, tries to draw a foul, gets off balance, then passes while in the air to Yi for the corner three. There are now three seconds left. It's taken 19 seconds to get to this point. Yi shoots the corner three, and it hits the top corner of the backboard and caroms all the way back out to Dooling (or whoever is standing at the wing), who tries and fails to get the shot off before the final buzzer.

Even if he had managed to make a three before the final buzzer, the Nets still would have lost by a point. Hilariously epic fail.

Anonymous the Oden Apologist said...
No Roy, No Pryz, portland manages to pull it out in San Antonio with Aldridge in foul trouble on the second night of a back to back. Juanna Man outplays Spurs front court outside of Duncan. Kind of an epic fail by the SAS.

I think Bayless is finally freed.

Blogger chris said...
AND...yeah. The Kings played hard and kept it even with the Crabs after 4 quarters. Everyone's pumped up, though Tyreke Evans couldn't come up with some last-second magic this time around.

Then...

NO POINTS SCORED IN OVERTIME. :O The crustaceans go on a 10-0 run, evening over, people were leaving for the parking lot with a full minute left in OT.

Yeah.

I think "making more defensive stops on King Crab than the rim ultimately did" might have helped...

Anonymous Anonymous said...
I just want to point this out: http://www.commercialappeal.com/news/2009/dec/24/inside-men/

On Z-Bo and the other Gasol: "They just vibed so quickly," assistant coach Johnny Davis said. "Neither one of those players is selfish by nature. They enjoy the other's success. There are no jealousies, there are no hidden agendas. They just both enjoy the beauty of the game."

...Neither player is selfish? Okay, they seriously found one helluva impostor for Z-Bo. Now what'd they do with the real one??

Blogger chris said...
Anonymous: Maybe the Canswer's 3-game stint in Memphis was designed to, um, have him as a sponge to soak up the self-involved attitudes and SWAC-like behavior?

Anonymous Anonymous said...
Is Brown's Hee Haw escapee outfit really any worse than the guy in the salmony/peachy turtleneck, or whatever that guy next to him at the scorer's table is wearing?

By the way something, a columnist who covers Gol_en State was wondering how folks would feel if they could get Z-Bo on the Warriors. I know what I think, what do you think?

Blogger Sports Chump said...
I'm thinking some teams in the NBA should have a 70s night so the coaches can bring back some of those sharp threads.

Talk about throwback!

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