Oh fuck I am a Bobcat
Clearly this was not what Stephen Jackson had in mind when
he said he was "made for the playoffs and championships."

Allen Iverson: Three games. The Allen Iverson Experiment in Memphis lasted only three games before Iverson left the team for "personal reasons," which probably had as much to do with him coming off the bench as anything else. Now the Grizzlies have cut The Not Answer loose. Ironically, the team's acquisition of Jamaal Tinsley -- whom the Indiana Pacers had spent the better part of the last two seasons paying millions of dollars to just stay away -- sealed Iverson's fate. According to Memphis GM Chris Wallace: "Because of personal matters that forced him to leave the team on November 7, Allen will step away from the game at this time, allowing him to focus on those matters. As a result, we will be ending our contractual agreement with Allen, which will allow both parties to move forward. We wish Allen the best."

Iverson never even played a game on the Grizzlies' home court.

It was a doomed marriage to begin with. Iverson seems to truly believe he's still a superstar who deserves carte blanch...which means a starting role and 20-25 shots per game. The Grizzlies, meanwhile, are building around young players like Rudy Gay, O.J. Mayo, Hasheem Thabeet and DeMarre Carroll. For better or worse, those players are the future in Memphis. Iverson, on the other hand, was a stop gap at best. And besides, he had no real interest in playing for a celler dweller like the Grizzlies. They were simply the only team willing to sign him, and he was trying to reboot his career in the hopes of maybe hooking up with a contender once he'd proved himself again. Well...REBOOT FAIL.

Iverson clearly doesn't feel like he should have to prove himself at all. He looks in the mirror and sees a four-time scoring champion, 10-time All-Star and former MVP who recently became only the 16th player in NBA history to score 24,000 points. On paper, he looks like a real catch. Kind of like Paris Hilton. But in reality, he's a flawed, inefficient player with a me-first attitude. Well, maybe me-first is the wrong way to put it. He wants to win, truly desires team success, but only on his own terms. Wait...I guess me-first was the right way to put it after all.

A few years ago, Iverson and Kevin Garnett were two of the great "what if" players in NBA history, and perhaps the two greatest of the last decade. Everyone always wondered: "What if AI and KG had quality teammates? What would happen then?"

Well, we found out, didn't we? Garnett, once he was paired with Paul Pierce and Ray Allen, steamrolled to a championship. Meanwhile, Iverson failed to lift the Nuggets (who improved immensely when he was exchanged for Chauncey Billups) and then completely bombed in Detroit (and there's no question that the Pistons were and are better off without him). And now his three-game stint in Memphis has further stained the reputation of someone who, until recently, was often talked about as one of the all-time greats.

Personally, I never quite understood that. In the end, was Iverson effectively any greater than, say, Dominique Wilkins or Pistol Pete Maravich? Those three players were all brilliant showmen, high-powered scorers, outstanding on an individual basis. They all could have won a lot of tropies if the NBA was a one-on-one league in which games were played to 11 by 1s aned 2s. But it's not. It's a team sport. And Iverson's best season happened only because Larry Brown coached the hell out of a Sixers team full of roleplayers who were willing to kill themselves despite never touching the ball. Iverson benefitted from the perfect storm of circumstances that season. And you'll notice that he never came close to reaching that level of team success ever again. It was an abberation more than an indication of greatness.

Is Iverson finished in the NBA. Maybe. Probably. Although I read that the New York Knicks have expressed interest. Fitting, huh? You'd think that Donnie Walsh would be smart enough to avoid the possibility of another Stephon Marbury-type situation. Of course, if anybody can resurrect Iverson's career, it's Knicks coach Mike D'Antoni. You can bet he'd be willing to start Iverson and let him chuck 'em up without remorse...just like everyone else on the Bricks.

My biggest regret in this whole mess is that the league won't be able to give Iverson a bogus spot on the All-Star team. Which is too bad, because Basketbawful reader Jordan sent in the perfect promo poster:

IversonPoster

Stephen Jackson: In the ultimate example of "be careful what you wish for" -- not to mention poetic justice -- Captain Jack was finally traded to the Charlotte Bobcats. Of course, that wasn't exactly was S-Jax had in mind this summer when he made his much-publicized trade demands and said: "I'm made for the playoffs and championships. That's what I play for. I'm Big Shot Jack." His wish list included Cleveland, New York, or one of the Texas teams.

Well, New York was out of the question (they're still saving cap space for next summers doomed-to-failure run at Lebron). The Mavericks are on fire and don't need him. The Rockets and Spurs go after character guys, so they probably don't want him. There was talk about the Cavaliers trying to deal for Jackson, but their supposed offer included a sign-and-trade of Wally Szczerbiak (who's still recovering from a major knee surgery and currently out of the league indefinitely) and Delonte West (who could end up in jail on gun charges). The Warriors wanted Jackson gone...but not that badly. So they were willing to take Charlotte's deal which included Raja Bell and Vladimir "Space Cadat" Radmanovic. One, two, three, pass the trash!

Jackson, for his part, is taking the moral low ground and blaming the Warriors for the whole mess: "I wanted to be out pretty bad. Things were going bad. I was getting blamed for everything. I wasn't seeing eye to eye with the team. I got fined in preseason, which was ridiculous. It was just a lot of things that I didn't agree with that was going on."

One thing in Captain Jack's favor is that he'll be coached by Larry Brown, the same guy who managed to squeeze some blood out of the Allen Iverson turnip. And let's face it, Charlotte is the league's lowest scoring team...so they need the help. Said Brown: "I know Stephen, he loves to play, and we've got to make it work out -- and I'm confident it will."

S-Jax was pretty thrilled to hear about that, and anxious to take a stab at Don Nelson: "The kind of coach I want that has your back. That's something that's big to me. If a coach has my back, then I don't mind playing 110 percent for him." You might wonder where Jackson's going to get that extra 10 percent. Well, since he's been giving about zero percent on the defensive end for the last couple seasons, he's got plenty of percents to give.

Mark Stevens: You may not know him, but he's Stephen Jackson's agent. You know, the man who got his client traded to the Bobcats. Well, Jackson wanted to be on a contender, and that's what he got. Of course, the 'Cats are contending to become the lowest scoring team of the shot clock era...but that's still contending! Stevens, predictably, is on spin control: "He's happy about the trade, delighted about the trade. This is what he wanted, a new start, and this gives him a chance to compete. Plus he's a huge fan of that team's president, Michael Jordan." Riiiiiight. And let me guess...you have some swamp land in Florida to sell me, too, right?

The Charlotte Bobcats: Let's hope the Captain Jack trade breaths some life into this depressing team. Last night, they managed to shoot over 50 percent and outscore the Magic (who, of course, have All-Star center Dwight Howard) 40-36 in the paint, but failed nonetheless thanks in part to 11 missed free throws and the 21 points they gave up on 17 turnovers. What a waste of a career-high-tying 31-point effort from Flip Murray. The 97-91 setback was Charlotte's fifth straight loss and their 11th consecutive defeat on the road dating back to last season. The 'Cats are now 1-10 all-time when playing in Orlando.

By the way, Jackson's debut with his new team was highlighted by 13 points in 14 shots and a game-high 4 turnovers.

The Oden Watch: Another game, another 5 personal fouls for Big Greg. It's also worth noting that The Next Great Center (11 points, 5-for-9, 7 rebounds, 1 block, game-high 4 turnovers) was thoroughly outplayed by his Atlantean counterpart Al Horford (15 points, 7-for-10, 10 rebounds, 2 blocks, no turnovers). Heck, even Hawks pine rider Zaza Pachulia (7 points, 9 boards) outrebounded him despite playing 14 fewer minutes. As always, I'm just sayin'...

The New Jersey Nyets: Basketbawful reader Alex K. sent in one of the most depressing e-mails a basketball fan can ever receive from his team. Said Alex: "In case you didn't see this already, this pretty much sums up what it's like to be a Nets fan. Ugh."

God it must suck to be a Nets fan

Isiah Thomas: Like Sugar Ray said: it never ends...it never ends.

Pau Gasol: I didn't see Pau on CSI last night, but Dan B. sent me the link to the KenTremendous Twitter, which has some funny Pau-on-CSI-themed jokes. Can anybody let me know how it was?

Lacktion Report: After watching Derek Anderson compile a fourth-quarter passer rating of 3.1 on Monday Night Football, Chris somehow had the strength of will left to report on the NBA lacktion:

Blazers-Hawks: Joe Smith and Maurice Evans each gave the dirty birds a +2 suck differential, through differing means: Evans via two bricks in 5:53, and Smith via two fouls in 3:58.

Mavs-Bucks: James Singleton fouled twice and missed one shot for a +3 in 2:33.

Labels: , , , , , , , ,

60 Comments:
OpenID NarSARSsist said...
Bawful - And now his three-game stint in Charlotte has further stained the reputation of someone who, until recently, was often talked about as one of the all-time greats.

I know they all suck, but I think you mean Memphis?

Blogger Joe said...
To be fair to Iverson, Denver's success in post-AI has as much to do with the return of Nene and Chris Anderson as it has to do with getting Chauncey Billups. Their success without Iverson is a little overblown. They won 50 games the last year with him and lost in the first round to the Western Conference champs. The next year, they get Nene and Anderson back, win 4 more regular season games, and lose in the Western Conference Finals to the NBA champs. I just don't see how AI was the problem in Denver. Not a good fit for Detroit, but he was just fine with the Nuggets.

Anonymous Shrugz said...
Which CSI was Pau on? maybe it's on youtube HAHAHAH

Blogger BJ said...
"(A)bort, (R)etry, or (F)ail" Iverson.

Push A, dude. Just push the A.
-BJ

Anonymous Hellshocked said...
Mr. Bawful, any chance of a WotN for NBA TV?

Their "NBA's Greatest Games" programming has been going to shit for quite a while now, but last night really took the cake: the Alvin Gentry Clippers vs the Don Chaney Knicks. I don't care if it goes to 7 overtimes and both teams score over 200 points, no game in the teams feature such notables as Jeff McInnis, fat and old Clarence Weatherspoon, Michael Olowokandi, fat and old Mark Jackson, Eric Piatkowski, Sean Rooks and Othella Harrington can EVER be considered among the NBA's greatest.

Blogger AnacondaHL said...
Further WotN to PTI's Mike Wilbon, for repeatedly without provocation claiming that Charlotte would be a playoff team.

And what's with the random burn on Pistol Pete? Not that I can say much since my only knowledge of him comes from the Simmons book and some amazing YouTube clips.

I missed Pau's big debut too, favoring MNFailball.

OpenID NarSARSsist said...
Eight players set foot on the court for the Bobcats. Captain Jack had the second lowest field goal percentage shooting 4/14 (28%), narrowing beating outbawfuled by DJ Augustin's 1/4. El Capitan was 2/10 from outside the paint. I'm not saying Captain Jack just chucks up shots, but...

Gerald Wallace, who had been averaging 12.5 shots a game, was a mere 2/5 from the field last night (sadly, that was an improvement to his shooting percentage).

Speaking of Oden Watch, 9 players this season are averaging more than 24 points, and a 10th, Chris Paul, likely would have that total as well were it not for an injury cutting a game short. Why do I make note of this? Greg "The Next Dominant Center" Oden's career high is 24 points. For Oden apologists, including myself, at least Dwight Howard, another offensively challenged center, only scored more than 24 twice in his first two seasons (29 in rookie campaign, 28 in his sophomore year). Non-apologists will note that Oden's next highest scoring output is 18 points...

With that riveting performance, James Singleton has moved ahead of the Odenator in fouls per 48 minutes.

I think some special bawful honor should go to Quintin Ross. Known as a defensive stopper, Ross channeled his inner role player with a stat line that would make Bruce Lee Bowen proud. It's one thing to be a lacktionary in 3 or 4 minutes, but how do you play 20 minutes and make it on the box score with a paltry 2 misses, 1 rebound, and 2 fouls? Come on Quinton, at least turn the ball over or something so we know you're alive!

OpenID NarSARSsist said...
chris - Damn your lacktion reports. Now I find myself opening box scores to see how people did, only to glean over them searching for lacktion and then closing the window before realizing I forgot to check what I actually opened the box score for.

Anonymous CaptainHomeless said...
Can I get a small WOTN shoutout to Jamal Crawford for shooting 2/10 to and 0/5 from three to produce six points, one assist, and one steal in 26 minutes?

He's been helpful to my fantasy team thus far, but last night was pretty bawful.

Blogger Jared Crookston said...
I caught CSI last night. Spoiler- he spent more time on screen dead than alive. He did fine I guess, it's probably no surprise that his acting skills aren't quite up to the same level as the usual victims/suspects. To me though, the most distracting part was that it was Pau freaking Gasol. Took away from the "pseudo-realistic" vibe they usually try to project. Hey look, Pau has a 5'2" sister. Hey look, Pau's just a random guy in Miami. Hey look, Pau's wearing basketball shoes and warmups- did they catch him on his way to practice?

Anonymous sea_mole said...
Things I've learned from the NBA.com website today:

1 - Dirk Nowitzki's victory face is hideous.

2 - No matter the situation, a buzzer beater will make it on the list of "top plays". I get game winners as being top plays, but why are buzzer beaters at the ends of quarters 1, 2 or 3 such a big deal?

3 - No one does actual chest bumps in celebration anymore. It's always the "jump, spin in the air, and bounce of each others backs" bump. Both Dirk and DWade did it after their game winners recently. Maybe that's another example of how the NBA is getting a little soft. (All that being said, I never really like doing the chest bump because I was worried about somehow accidentally crushing my balls.)

Anonymous DOH said...
Dirk Jerseypopper probably derserves mention for nearly killing JJ Barea with a knee/hip to the face, err... chestbump fail.

Blogger Dan B. said...
Bawful -- Days like today are why this blog is a necessary part of the Internet. Your write-up on Iverson was spot on. I couldn't do better even if I practiced writing all the time. (Sorry, couldn't avoid the temptation of making a "practice" reference when talking about AI. It's too easy, but so, so tempting.)

I, too, did not see the CSI: Miami episode with Pau Gasol last night. I was called in last-minute to sub for a friend in his bowling league. However, I'm pretty sure the show was ridiculous and over the top, as it always is. And, as noted in that link, ripe for parody.

Jordan -- Great job on the poster featured in the Iverson section.

NarSARSsist -- I know what you mean. I do the same thing all the time now.

Blogger chris said...
NarSARSist: Epic. I realized I loved looking up lacktion when I started color-coding my Excel/Google spreadsheet tracking this year's futility. :D

As for Quentin Ross, he has already been a ledger lodger on multiple occasions, further cementing a season of bawful for him.

AnacondaHL: You know, the only thing Association-related I think of when I think of Pistol Pete is...the snippets of CBS HORSE coverage that TNT used during the 2009 GEICO competition. Yeah. Says a lot about how far before my time that was.

Blogger chris said...
I think we need to have a vote for an All-Locker Room Cancer team, where Jackson and Iverson can indeed have starting duties for a "champeeeonship" squad (if that championship consists of a one-night barnstorm of an arena in Tulsa, Globetrotters-style).

Blogger Cortez said...
"I just don't see how AI was the problem in Denver."

You have to watch the games and not just read the box score.

Plus, if the head coach says the team play was better when he left you're better off going with the obvious answer which is...

Despite his obvious talent, Iverson is/was part of the problem.

Blogger Edgar said...
yeah, what the hell? How are going to come out and compare 'The Cancer' to two of the most exciting and dynamic players ever to wear the Hawks uniform?

Why not compare A.I. to George Gervin or David Thompson? I think you were just trying to rile me up.

Fact: Nique was truly great. Fact: he never had the supporting cast either, but he was a consistent winner. Unlike, A.I., Nique strung together six consecutive winning seasons in Atlanta during his prime. Three of those years, the team won 50 or more games. A.I. only won 50 games once. Fact: the Nique for Danny Manning trade was the worst moment in Hawks history (narrowly beating out the Mario West cut). It was not a sad day in Philly when 'The Cancer' left.

Now, did anyone actually watch the Hawks and Portland game last night? Or was the whole bawful crowd too busy fantasizing about Steve Nash to notice that ATLANTA IS THE BEST TEAM IN THE LEAGUE (at least according to our record).

The Hawks win last night was one of those that only the elite teams pick up. The Hawks played like garbage for the vast majority of three quarters against a solid Portland team that was A.) riding a six game winning streak and B.) looking to get revenge in Atlanta for the Hawks win at the Rose Garden earlier this season. Atlanta chucked up a shocking amount of masonry in the third (including a pair of bawful Josh Smith long range jumpers -- one of which missed everything by about six feet), yet the Hawks played stingy defense and controlled the boards to keep themselves in the game. As Mr. Bawful himself pointed out, Zaza had nine rebounds. At one point, Old man Oden posterized Horford to put the Blazers up by a dozen and, well, the Hawks still won.

And I know this blog is supposed to be about bad basketball, but did anyone see Rudy Fernandez last night?? He drains a buzzer beater falling away before the half. Then, he drains the game tying three at the buzzer three feet beyond the three point line with Al Horford in his face. Then, in OT, he hits two more ridiculous threes-- one with about 10 seconds left and another at the OT buzzer (which mattered little, but still). If I'm Nate McMillan, I tell my offense "Just pass it to Rudy whenever the shot clock is at 2."

here's the Rudy shot that sent it to overtime:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4I2NVKGktQw

One would want to give Al Horford a 'crunch time fail' on that one, but watch the clip. Big Al did about all he could do.

And because you can't praise somebody too much on Bawful, here's a fun link that shows Rudy in a photo shoot for a spanish fashion mag. He linked this to his own website, so apparently he thinks this is cool (it's not).

http://www.magazinedigital.com/tendencias/moda/ficha/cnt_id/3437

OpenID NarSARSsist said...
sea_mole - Oh god...I can't decide whether that's better or worse than Hedo's tongue-out thing.

Also something I thought was funny on NBA.com:
# Lakers' Walton out 6 weeks | Video Kobe OK
I guess Kobe wasn't too devastated that Luke won't be around enough to be featured in any Basketbawful "Kobe punched a kitty and then made Luke Walton eat it" jokes.

OpenID NarSARSsist said...
chris - I would have Shaq at Center, AI at Guard, and Stephon Marbury manning the point. At Forward, I'd probably use Zach Randolph and Steven Jackson. Can you imagine the zany fun we'd have watching this team play defense?

Blogger Michael Hsu said...
Despite Iverson's problems he's still the best player ever who is 6 feet tall and a hero to all the short people like me out there.

Blogger Edgar said...
Apparently Marc Stein and John Hollinger took my invitation to jump on the Hawks bandwagon. As evidenced by the sparse home crowd last night, there's still plenty of room.

And I had to comment again because this quote is too good:

Mike Woodson, unintentionally dirty quote machine (from Stein's Daily Dime): "We just held in there, kept grinding."

Anonymous Chuck said...
hahaha, the Nets email is funny. After they lose 11 theyr'e going to have to pay people to fill the upper levels. I caught the Nets on a local channel in Conn. the other day it was a pretty sad situation.

Blogger Basketbawful said...
Edgar -- I promise, I wasn't trying to rile you up. And I love 'Nique. I have a lot of very fond memories of watching him play in the 1980s. I chose Wilkins and Maravich over guys like Gervin and Thompson because the three of them were so entertaining to watch that it was sometimes easy to overlook their flaws.

In 'Nique's defense, you're right in that he never had high-quality teammates (as Iverson did in Denver and Detroit). So we'll never know what could have been.

But...most of Wilkin's greatness was limited to scoring. Based on his athleticism alone, he could have been a top-notch defender and a much better rebounder at the very least. He also could have been a little more efficient on offense.

And while I totally, totally agree that the Danny Manning trade was a traveshamockery of justice, the reality is 'Nique's teammates wanted him gone. An article published shortly after the trade quoted his teammates as saying, almost unanimously, that, "Dominique is great, but it's time for the rest of us to get some shot attempts." Maybe that was unfair, maybe they were just jealous of him. But when an entire team and organization turns its back on its greatest-ever player during a season in which the team appeared to be a contender...well...there are some deeper problems. And that doesn't reflect very well on Wilkins.

Anonymous Hellshocked said...
Michael Hsu:

Even at this early stage in his carreer I'd say Chris Paul is a much better 6 foot and below player than Iverson. What was AI in his prime other than an inefficient volume scorer who never made his teammates better and often made them worse? Hell, he hasn't even improved considerably as a player from his rookie year until today.

If we are including players near 6 feet, guys like Stockton, Kevin Johnson and Isiah Thomas were far superior and more complete than The Answer.

Sports writers everywhere are lamenting the fact that Iverson's "Hall of Fame" career will be tainted by ending on such a sour note but I really can't think of a more appropriate way for it to end. He has always been a me first player and it finally caught up with him. If the guy had even a modicum of understanding of team play he could have spent the next couple of seasons showcasing his considerable skills as a 6th man of the year candidate on a championship contender. Instead, he started bitching his way out of the only cellar-dwelling team that bothered to sign before he had even played a game for them.

Blogger chris said...
NarSARSist: It kills me that Memphis had 2/5ths of the All-Locker Room Cancer team you just mentioned. I wonder if anyone's had a higher ratio on the lineup...

Michael Hsu: Mugsy Bogues is the REAL hero for short people!

Blogger chris said...
Chuck: That Nets email reminds me a little too much about a Kings email I received in the preseason...

Blogger Cortez said...
"ATLANTA IS THE BEST TEAM IN THE LEAGUE"

BBBWWWWHHAHAHAHAHAHA!

Wow.

Anonymous Anonymous said...
Brady Quinn took the opportunity to suck up the 4th quarter this time around, while Anderson was on the bench.

Blogger Wild Yams said...
I wonder what Iverson's "retirement" will do for the Iverson Night the Grizzlies had planned for their home game against the Mavs on December 4th. The Grizzlies have prepared 3,000 Iverson jerseys for that night. Since Memphis has stuck by their story that he left the team for some personal family matter and not cause he's a spoiled bitch, will they still feel obligated to honor him that night? Should be interesting.

I continue to be fascinated by Greg Oden's proclivity for fouling. The guy might actually be a pretty good player if he could learn how to stop getting whistled all the time. According to Basketball Reference the dude is #1 in the NBA this season in blocks, block percentage, defensive rating and rebound percentage, but he's also tops in the NBA in total fouls, and that seems to effectively neutralize all the positive stuff. I mean, he's #1 in rebounding percentage, but because he can't seem to stay on the floor for very long he's only averaging 8 boards and 24 minutes of playing time per game. I wonder if he figured out how to play without fouling if that would impact his aggressiveness on blocks and rebounding and if his numbers in those areas would drop. Also, he's only scored more than 17 points in a game twice in his career? Yikes.

NarSARSsist - You know what Luke Walton being out for weeks really means, right? More playing time for Adam Morrison (aka more Ammo mentions in WOTNs for the next 6 weeks or so). Speaking of Ammo, this deserves a link, even though it's like two weeks old. I still crack up every time I see that.

Also, here's some Pau Gasol clips from CSI Miami last night. I didn't see the show, but from watching these clips it looks like Gasol was playing a guy who owns a video game company and was out driving his Bentley when someone driving an Escalade swerved to avoid hitting an alligator and crashed into poor Pau. The driver of the Escalade then died as Gasol called 911 for help, then the police showed up and Gasol pretended like he wasn't actually driving the Bentley, out of fear that the dead Escalade driver would sue him for some of that video game money he had. Then later Gasol dropped dead in jail cause his mind stopped working, and this prompted the coroner to proclaim that Gasol was the biggest guy he'd ever caught. Or something like that. No wonder CSI Miami is the highest rated show in the world!

Blogger chris said...
Wild Yams: I hope Iverson shows up to Iverson Night in Memphis much the same way Starbury has tried to be a distraction at MSG...

Blogger Wild Yams said...
chris - I think that some of those Portland Jailblazer teams probably had a higher locker room cancer ratio than anyone. Didn't they have a team which featured Z-Bo, Darius Miles and Ruben Patterson at one point? Some of their squads when JR Rider was still up there might have also featured a few more bad eggs. Also, I think maybe the Pacers squads with Jamal Tinsley, Ron Artest and Stephen Jackson would probably be up there.

Since Cortez is laughing at the Hawks (who are not the league's best team, even though their record might say so), I thought I'd pose this question: which Conference leading team is more "for real" this year, Phoenix or Atlanta? In other words, who do you more expect to still be in the hunt at the end of the year, and who do you think will have more success in the playoffs this season?

Blogger chris said...
Let me say right now I want a full-sized version of that Canswer "All-Star" poster, for a living room wall. Stat.

OpenID NarSARSsist said...
chris and Yams - Imagine this dream scenario in Memphis: Chris Wallace says to himself, "You know what? This locker room is missing winners! That's what we need to find!" Then he googles for people "made for the playoffs and championships" and hits up the first link. Lo and behold! It's a facebook posting about Captain Jack. "That's a great idea," thinks Wallace. "This will add a championship caliber player."

However, he then realizes that one ring is not enough. He needs a man up the middle that can dominate, not that soft wussy 15/11.5/2 shit that Marc Gasol gives. So he searches "most dominant center ever" and gets an ESPN Daily Dime about the top ten centers. Only one of them is still in the league, and holy cow, he has 4 rings!

To make this happen, Wallace proposes the following trade:
Charlotte gets Rudy Gay (who needs a small forward that doesn't win you anything?) and Steven Hunter
Cleveland gets Hasheem Thabeet (poor man's Mutombo? even the real Mutombo wasn't a top 10 center!), Marko Jaric, Marc Gasol (again, who needs that 15/11.5/2 crap? the dude averages 4 fouls a game! that's Odenesque!), and Mike Conley (he played with Oden, therefore he's probably damaged [read: injured] goods)
Memphis gets the Shaq and Jack show! It even rhymes! Plus, it's exactly what Memphis's strategy would be, to go with Shaq or jack up shots. This thing coaches itself.

Then, Wallace consoles AI and gets him to come back, and to bolster depth, he signs Starbury. Memphis would have a starting lineup with 2 MVPs, 3 Playoff MVPs, two 20/10 guys in the front court, two 20/8 guys (liberally speaking) in the backcourt, and a born winner in Captain Jack at the 3. Plus, they even have a little Mayo to spread from the bench!

What a dream that would be. Can you honestly say you wouldn't watch that?

OpenID NarSARSsist said...
Addendum - Mike Conley played alongside Oden in college, which, based on the age of Oden, probably means they were playing together back in the 40s. Another reason to trade him.

Blogger Michael Hsu said...
I would argue that AI has no team play because for most of his career his team was terrible. He can't trust his teammates to score and so he held his whole team on his shoulders. He's been doing it so long that you "can't teach an old dog new tricks". His assists would probably be right around 10 if he had teammates that could score like Stockton, KJ, and Thomas. Stockton was good, made it to the finals with Greg Ostertag.

Teams that want him are trying to make him something that he's not. It's like asking Ben Wallace to be a go to scorer at this stage in his career.

To be honest I though Charlotte was really going to pick him up in the off season, but they got Jackson instead. He would fit with a team that needs a 20 point scorer. All the teams he was on didn't need scoring. Teams that I think he could help are like NJ, Minn, Tor after Bosh leaves, Mil(but jennings seems to be good enough there).

It's true that Muggsy is shorter, but he has no where near the accolades/career of Iverson. Still 6 feet is still pretty short in NBA standards.

Blogger chris said...
NarSARSist: The question is, by the time Chris Wallace googles this Bawful post and starts trying to make that magic happen...will the team's ratings be so far in the dumps as to not even justify a local TV package?!

Blogger chris said...
Michael Hsu: As someone who is about Muggsy's height...yeah, I can empathize with him a tad bit more. (and he DID have a cup of coffee in Natomas!)

OpenID NarSARSsist said...
chris - That's the heartbreakingest part about writing that comment. However, aren't the people with 3 shades of blue highly connected with management? They should totally make it happen. It completely cripples their future, but you can't say tha it won't make for some damn compelling basketball in the short term.

Anonymous dunkside said...
I feel I need to chime in on a few things:

- the Bobcats played the Magic pretty well last night despite being on the road and with a new player; if you add up Larry Brown's teams tendency to start slow and finish strong, I'd say the Bobcats are not in a bad position. In fact, I think they have pretty good chances of reaching the playoffs this year what with the rest of the East being as weak as it is.

- on Lebron James and Jordan: waaaaa ... Celtics good .... waaaaaa Jordan bad .... waaaaaaa Lebron bad .... waaaaaaa Celtics Celtics Celtics.

Would you stop whining already ? Whether you like it or not, Jordan was the best ever, and the league can't recognize him enough. As much as it pains me to say it, Reggie Miller was right: he made mountains of money for all the owners, he packed arenas up till he was 40 and he was a big part in making the NBA what it is today (and I'm not talking about flopping and the other crap - that part is Divac's fault).

Yeah, Russell has more rings than anyone else, but how many hall of famers did he have on his team ? There were 6 or 7, right ? How many teams today have a hall-of-famer in his prime as a 6th man ? You can't expect players today to replicate his achievements because the conditions are not the same. Just as you can't expect anyone today to replicate Wilt's numbers.

And Lebron saying what he said, I'd take it as a sign of respect. Is more than you see from many other young players, and if he didn't show respect for the people before him you'd grill him for that. But I guess it's not ok unless he bows to basketball jebus and none other.

Oh, and to be honest, he's kinda right to say that if he is willing to give it up, then the others should as well. He's the best player in the league to wear #23 (if not the best player in the league altogether). Statistically he has the best chances of surpassing some of Jordan's records.

- For someone who's supposedly very big on team play, passing, sharing the ball and creating for others you show surprisingly little respect for Lebron, who does all those things. He's not a ball hog like Iverson or like Kobe was up until 2 seasons ago. He was sharing the ball even when he had to share it with the likes of Sasha Pavlovic Larry Hughes and Ricky Davis.

I think I smell (more than) a little hypocrisy and you'd be kissing his 3rd person speaking ass if he wore the Celtics green.

- One last thing: I get it, the site is called basketbawful, but all the complaining and whining is getting kinda old. I enjoyed it better when there were some meaningful posts between the "WOTN" ones. Like the one about the Suns about 2 years ago, before the Marion trade, where you expressed the same things I was thinking - the Suns didn't seem to be their old selves, that something was broken, that the joy wasn't there. Those kind of insightful and thoughtful posts, not the mind numbing day in and day out "player X missed 90% of his shots despite being paid millions to make them and player Y had more turnovers than reb + ast combined despite being tall and big enough to exert his own field of gravity on the ball".

I know you can write that kind of posts (even if your Celtics, Pacers, Bird love testimony gets annoying at times). Now you're just mailing it in. I'd even go as far as to say you're Vince Carter-ing it.

I mean really ... enough is enough. We all got it. After all, if watching ball only makes you whine and complain, why do it ? Just get a hobby that makes you happy. I personally recommend masturbation. I heard it got great reviews.

Blogger Michael Hsu said...
I like Muggsy's cause I'm taller then him at a whooping 5'4". I like everyone I'm taller then cause it doesn't happen often.

Blogger Edgar said...
@Yams: Granted, I'm a total homer, but of the two hot-starters, Atlanta has to be the more legitimate playoff contender.

Phoenix has too many old, injury-prone players in key positions. Atlanta has much better bench depth across the board, especially in the bigs department. Plus, the Suns are hopeless without Nash -- much the same way Hawks teams in years past were hopeless without Joe Johnson. With Crawford, Bibby and Teague, the Hawks are still competitive without Joe (should he go down with an injury). Can't say the same with Dragic and Barbosa playing behind Nash.

Plus, most importantly, The Hawks' Collins twin (Jason) is far superior to the Suns' (Jarron).

Fun fact: Collins' twins teams are a combined 18-4. Never underestimate the role of a crucial lacktator.

Anonymous Arlen said...
$5 says cleveland picks up AI simply to appease lebron and his misguided plea which he's sure to do behind closed doors.

Blogger Basketbawful said...
dunkside -- I would really, really love to take the time necessary to adequately describe in vivid detail the many, many ways in which you are painfully, even embarrassingly wrong. But I'm mailing in this comment to go masturbate.

OpenID NarSARSsist said...
Yams and Edgar - I'm with a mix of the two teams. It's not just the age factor either. The Hawks just feel like they're the more balanced team of the two. Also, they outscore opponents by 7.2 points in the 4th quarter, which, through 11 games, is pretty impressive. Now, I'd like a little more time to see if certain overachievers are just playing out of their minds for a short stretch or not. (Jamal Crawford shooting 46% from the field, 4% higher than any previous season? Josh Smith getting the light bulb switched on and not shooting threes, and now hitting 59%, over 9% higher than any previous season?) However, there's just something about the Hawks that makes me think that while they'll regress a little, they'll still be fairly good thanks to improvements made upon last season. Phoenix, on the other hand, is a little more one dimensional, so I'd trust them more in the regular season and the Hawks in the postseason. Despite the Heat's relatively strong start, I still don't trust them yet, and the last three slots in the East looks to be fairly weak, whereas the West should at least be solid through the 8th seed to challenge the Suns some.

Blogger AnacondaHL said...
Best. Rebuttal. Ever.

Blogger chris said...
NarSARSist: I'm not sure that most teams can get away with "compellingly bad" like the Knicks did in the late stages of the Isiah era...especially a market like Memphis. Didn't they last see the playoffs when Hubie Brown was their coach!?

Anonymous Ruben said...
I don't know what Dunkside's problem was. I for one can't wait for Birdmas. It's so close!
I forget exactly, but wasn't it Captain Jack who said something about how he would take all the blame, adding "I always have?", and now he's bitching about how he's always been given the blame?
Also, can we get a "Neck Tattoo All-first team" going? This is getting ridiculous. At least it would be a Championship team that Jax would be on.
I don't get the Space Cadet nickname. I think Space Cadaver would be more appropriate.
I am heartened to see that Iverson says that he still wants to play, which will be funny if he does, and funny if he doesn't.

Blogger Wild Yams said...
Here's a couple candidates for the Neck Tattoo All Stars:

DeShawn Stephenson (obviously)
Neck Lips
The Canswer
Capt'n Jack
Trevor Ariza
Delonte West

That's all I got for now.

Also, Vlad Rad's "Space Cadet" nickname comes from the following Phil Jackson quote about him back in 2006: "He's a space cadet. He could be on Mars. I know it's not on Venus, but he could be on Mars. He's one of those guys that you go like, 'Do you understand really what we're trying to get accomplished here?' And he'll go, 'Yeah, I know what's going on.' And then you ask him the next day if he knows that and he goes like, 'Yeah, sure.' And then you go, 'OK, demonstrate it to me,' and he'll lose [focus]."

Blogger Basketbawful said...
Ruben said: "I for one can't wait for Birdmas. It's so close!"

It's funny you should say that...Evil Ted and I are already at work on this year's Birdmas video...it should be a hoot.

Anonymous Anonymous said...
Actually, I think Jax ending up coming off the bench for the 1-9 Knicks would have been the ultimate "be careful what you wish for" as he wanted to go to a contender - or the Knicks. Instead he's with Charlotte, which he didn't wish for.
Just sayin'.

Anonymous dunkside said...
you might not believe me, but this was the exact kind (sarcastic) of answer i expected you to offer.

but i don't mind.
you might not like what i'm saying, but you know i'm right.

PS: when you finish masturbating, i'd be interested to see your arguments. but don't hurry up. take your time.

Blogger chris said...
Bawful: THE SHORTS from Livin' Large MUST be featured. Somehow.

Wild Yams: Has Space Cadet made a trip to Lovetron, or has he only reached as far as Joel, Servo, and Tom on the Satellite of Love? :D

Blogger DJ LEON SMITH said...
Well to be fair to Stephen Jackson, he helped the Spurs win a ring and Tim Duncan said he was a great teammate. Playing alongside Ron Artest and then for the Warriors could turn anyone insane.

And yes I'm biased towards Big Shot Jack, because he started his pro career with the mighty COCA COLA SYDNEY KINGS. For three games before he was cut :(

Blogger Dan B. said...
dunkside -- There's still plenty of legitimate basketball analysis on this forum. It's just mostly in the comments (which makes sense considering that's the best source of inspiration for what to write about). But also bear in mind that Bawful doesn't just write for this blog (for free, mind you) while working a regular job -- he also writes the Bulls By The Horns blog, so if you want straight forward basketball talk, go there. He's got plenty of good stuff to talk about with the Bulls and their games.

Now, on LeBron, I'm personally a big fan of his playing style -- he's fun to watch, but also spreads the ball around and does the little things that help make the team better, but can take over a game when his teammates are sucking, as they are wont to do. However, LeBron really says some stupid shit, and it's happening more and more frequently these days it seems. I'm really getting frustrated by him off the court.

I'll leave the Jordan/Celtics/etc. stuff alone since I don't personally have anything to do with it, but you at least get where I'm coming from.

(And, wow, accusing anyone of "Vince Carter-ing it" is a low blow. That's cold, man.)

chris -- Didn't Bawful say that the shorts are gone?

RE: Neck tattoos... I saw a girl last night working the snack bar at a bowling alley from a distance, and thought "Hey, she's kind of cute. Maybe a little too young for me, but cute." But then I saw her from the other side, and she had a gigantic neck tattoo. I shook my head and just looked away. Sad.

Blogger chris said...
DJ Leon Smith: Coca Cola Sydney Kings. As sweet as that sounds (making me thirsty!!), I don't know if it will ever surpass the awesomeness of the PBA's "Burger King Whoppers."

Blogger DJ LEON SMITH said...
Chris I agree 110 per cent. We've had some OK sponsor/teamname combos in the NBL (Aussie hoops league) but nothing will ever beat the Burger King Whoppers.

(Unless one day we see James Harden playing for the Trojan Magnums.)

Anonymous Miller31 said...
Gotta love Brook Lopez on Roy Hibbert from last night!

http://www.indystar.com/apps/pbcsi.dll/bilde?Date=20091118&Category=SPORTS04&ArtNo=911180382&Site=BG&Ref=V2&MaxW=580&MaxH=460

Anonymous Anonymous said...
all-cancer first team

tinsley
marbury
iverson
jackson
z-bo

(of course the all-cancer team, plays small-ball, because small-ball is a cancer a well)

Blogger Cortez said...
"But I'm mailing in this comment to go masturbate."

Great decision. We should retire your number galaxy-wide for that wise choice.

Anonymous MavsFan said...
Can we get an acknowledgement of Carlisle's bawful decisions of refusing to play Beaubois more than 12 minutes a game? Barea kept getting torched by Jennings and Beaubois held Jennings in check, yet who plays in the fourth? BAREA! WTF! Barea needs to be inactive the rest of the year.

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