BAD.

Good evening everyone, and welcome to our second night of the BAD feature! (Oh, how I love that acronym) Please take advantage of the comments section to talk about tonight's games, and also we appreciate feedback about what you like and don't like about BAD. We are here to serve you. And make basketball-related dick jokes and obscure movie references. You know, either or.

Small slate of games tonight (which means there's ample time to continue the Nash/Nowitzki MVP-worthiness debate), but before we get to the previews, a quick glance back at last night...

Worst of the Night in Pictures:

"What, me worry?" (Hint: Maybe you should, Mike.)

Not pictured - the single tear running down Gerald's face as he is taunted by Bart and Lisa Simpson.


"NOOOOO!" Shot from an NBA game, or a dramatic acting scene from a soap opera? Tough call.


INVISBLE MCHALE CLOTHESLINE


Nationally televised games tonight:

Suns at Hornets - The last time these teams met in New Orleans on November 11th, the Hornets were thoroughly crushed in a 124-104 home loss. Goran Dragic(!) pulled down a team-leading 7 rebounds for the Suns, to put the game into perspective. Could we see one a revenge game? The Hornets also have the Wounded Tiger Theory/Ewing Theory working in their favor with Chris Paul still injured. However, I am also the amazing prognosticator who expected a dead coach bounce for the Hornets, when they have in fact merely had a dead coach splat. So just forget I said anything.

Bulls at Lakers - Despite apparently dying in Miami recently, Pau Gasol is expected to make his season debut for the Lakers. (Meanwhile, Marc Gasol has set a Grizzlies franchise record by making 15 consectuive shots over two games. Seriously.) Also, John Salmons is expected to not put up bad shots tonight; some of his best peformances have come against the Lakers for some reason, including his lone 30 point game with the Bulls. Not that it will matter much since we'll see a game recap tomorrow about how John Salmons single-handedly defeated the Lakers right next to the story about how he cured cancer and taught pigs to fly in order to vanquish an evil terroist plot to destroy the planet.

All the other games:

Jazz at Spurs - According to the Stats LLC preview on ESPN.com, "the Utah Jazz haven't won in San Antonio in more than a decade." Let that sink in for a minute. "The Utah Jazz haven't won in San Antonio in more than a decade." The Jazz last won a game in San Antonio back in February of 1999. The last time the Jazz won there, you could still party like it was 1999 and not come off as a total douchebag. Greg Ostertag was the youngest player on the team at 25 years of age. Karl Malone, Jeff Hornacek, and John Stockton's short shorts were three of the Jazz's four best players. Hell, even The Nature Boy and Hogan were still relevant and fake-whupping each other back then. (Wait, what? Umm, woo? Moving on...)

While both teams are on the wrong side of back-to-back games, we all know the Spurs are a "chronologically advanced" team. So yeah. I'm not sayin', I'm just sayin'...

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34 Comments:
Blogger AnacondaHL said...
Mind is blown by Osterag age reference. I feel like I'm in a midlife crisis now.

Blogger Wild Yams said...
Good call on John Salmons always tearing the Lakers to shreds. I swear that guy always just seems to waltz right through the Laker "D" and get uncontested layup after uncontested layup. He did in in Sacramento and he certainly did it with Chicago last year. Nevertheless, I think Gasol comes back and steadies the Laker ship a bit and LA gets the win (though it'll be close, IMO). Furthermore, I'm guessing the Suns will blow through New Orleans like Hurricane Katrina, and the Jazz will continue their winless streak along the RiverWalk, though that Spurs-Jazz game I predict will be close, due to the Spurs being really old and injured.

Anonymous Anonymous said...
OMG INVISBLE MCHALE CLOTHESLINE!!! I'm so glad I could tell that was Kurt Rambis, otherwise it would be a lot less funny.

BAD is simply that, BAD. ASS. haha.

Blogger Clifton said...
Since you're sort of assisting Bawful with these posts, you guys can call yourselves "Bawful After Dark - Assistant Snarky Statisticians," or, obviously, BAD-ASSes.

From the Suns pregame show on the radio: Going into tonight's game, the Suns are on an 0-15 run in games televised on TNT, stretching back to March 2008.

... 2nd-tier national TV fail?

Anonymous the Oden Apologist said...
Watching the spurs made me think they need to move down in hollinger's future power rankings (teams with worst future in the next 5 years).

1. Charlotte (big contracts, old players, no upside, no fun to watch)
2. SAS (tony parker and marginal cap space, just good enough to avoid getting a top 5 pick- will anybody else be on this team in 3 years?)
3. I would say clips, but Griffen and Gordon are assets - just need to have Davis decide to try, but instead he takes a dump on the season. So its the Bullets here (their window is rapidly closing and Agent Zero is turning into Le Baron Davis east; extra props for turned a potential Ricky Rubio/Jennings pick into tweener guard foye who is going to lose his minutes to boykins).

Blogger Fishy said...
This website makes me laugh no matter what you guys do! Go BAD

Blogger Buck Nasty said...
So, are we gonna have Chris or someone in here updating comments as we go? Cuz otherwise it could be a lot of redundant "man love sighting!" kind of things. And I mean the same man love several times. Man love pics in itself will always be entertaining. Like guys getting punched in slow motion.

Also, a basketball related post that had nearly triple digit comments would HAVE to feature Nash/Nowitzki on the same level as Kobe/LeBron.

This website gets more comments without showing/linking tits than any other website around. withleather doesn't get 10 comments a day.

OpenID NarSARSsist said...
Dejuan Blair airballed a free throw in the first half. Who needs David Robinson when you have Shaq Diesel?

Blogger Dan B. said...
AnacondaHL -- I'm 25 and feel the same way. It's scary, isn't it? If it makes you feel any better about yourself, just remember that Ostertag seriously considered a comeback this year. Whew, I feel a lot younger now. (Runs fingers through hair and feels it thinning... God damnit.)

Wild Yams -- Sounds like we're right on the same wavelength. Granted, it appears the Hornets are keeping it much, much closer than I expected right now. Hey, anybody who put money on the Suns, don't say I didn't warn you about listening to me!

Anonymous -- The Kurt Rambis/Kevin McHale clothesline incident never, ever stops being hilarious and awesome. And thanks for the feedback, glad to hear you are enjoying BAD!

Special college basketbawful update! The University of Kentucky Wildcats barely hung on 102-92 against the Sam Houston State Bearkats (who???). The Bearkats made 18 of 38 three-pointers, a record for an opponent team playing in Rupp Arena. And Corey Allmond went 11-16 from downtown, yet only went 13-22 overall from the field for a 37 point night. OFF THE BENCH. Meanwhile, nobody on the Wildcats bench scored a single point, and the team had 22 total turnovers. Disgusting. It was a truly horrendous game to watch. Thank God I was at the bowling alley bowling in league, so I didn't see much of it.

Blogger 49er16 said...
New Orleans coach Jeff Bower looks like Jesse "The Body" Ventura.

Blogger chris said...
Did ANYONE else hear what I just heard on the TNT broadcast?

"Skip-to-my-lou with a little bit of a crab dribble" on a dunk attempt called back due to a travel!??!

Blogger AnacondaHL said...
Yea, the crab dribble comment was great.

Damnit Peja, why? Whhhhyyyyy.

Blogger chris said...
AnacondaHL: Put a comment before "Peja" and you have the lament of Kings fans that went entirely unheeded by the Maloofs ca. 2006!

Blogger 49er16 said...
@Chris-Did you hear that Webber's restraunt was closed down?

Blogger AnacondaHL said...
What the fuck just happened.

Jason Richardson as our crunch time option? Missing layups? 3-pointers that go in and out of the basket 5 times?

Hornets shot .402 from the field....and fittingly a Nash TO to end the pain.

That was crappy crap.

Blogger chris said...
49er16: You know, I hadn't, but when the Sacramento Bee's online restaurant review section is crappier than it was 3-4 years ago...not surprised that I didn't know until now.

(And this is my chance to say that Spud Webb so should've started a french fry franchise. What an opportunity11!!11!)

Blogger 49er16 said...
@Chris-Here's the link.

http://www.sacbee.com/latest/story/2330534.html

Blogger chris said...
49er16: Thanks for that, I hadn't heard about the shooting near the restaurant, but considering Natomas's issues with crime coming in from nearby neighborhoods...I am not exactly surprised that it happened at all.

Honestly, the best place to put a restaurant in this town isn't that far north of the river, but in the city core south of it (downtown/midtown/East Sacramento), where my favorite spots in town generally are. (and here's my shout out to the awesome 33rd Street Bistro!!!!!)

Blogger chris said...
OT: the Wednesday night lacktion report.

Crabs-Generals: Darnell "Lacktion" Jackson dropped double digits in points in a clear deviation from Mike Brown's Sharpie-on-napkin coaching plan, forcing the crustaceans to unfreeze two reserves to attempt to salvage the match. Jawad Williams opened his claws wide for a 1.7 trillion bounty, while Coby Karl quickly collected gold coins for a 21 second Mario. In the Wizards' surprising victory, Randy Foye returned successfully from an ankle sprain to miss once behind the arc for a +1 suck differential in 3:41.

Knicks-Pacers: Jordan Hill climbed the mountain of money to earn a 3.1 trillion for the Knicks, dazed by the reality of a Larry Hughes double-double.

Bobcats-Sixers: Samuel Dalembert started cold and stayed cold, negating two rebounds in 14:08 with a giveaway, three fouls, and two pieces of masonry for a 4:2 Voskuhl. Fellow Philadelphian Jason Kapono bricked once from Franklin Square and took a foul for a +2 in 3:38.

Clippers-Grizzlies: Brian Skinner scored a slim +2 in 3:07 with only a foul and brick each, still good enough to give the Clippers a 2:0 Voskuhl. Memphis's Hamed Haddadi had one assist in 1:52, but also earned a brick and giveaway for a Madsen-level 1:0 Voskuhl.

Blogger 49er16 said...
Chris: I live in Roseville and try and stay away as much as possible from Natomas and Sacramento.

I'm also not that surprised Webber's restraunt closed because of it's location (tucked away from I-80 and Truxel Road) and the economy. I did have the pleasure though of meeting Webber when I worked for Coors and delievered beer to his restraunt before it opened. He was really nice.

Blogger chris said...
LOL, Crazy Pills taking that Auburn Hills-based fan to lunch, after "finding him via twitter." Thanks for that oh-so-important update, Mr. Sager.

Blogger chris said...
49er16: first off, always nice to see another NorCal face in the crowd here at Bawful!

I live a bit past East Sacramento, but still south of the river...so I conversely don't venture up to Roseville all that much (Business 80 through Arden is a headache). But then, beyond Kings games, I don't venture much to Natomas either...

Did you get C-Webb to autograph that photo by any chance?

Blogger 49er16 said...
Chris: C-Webb did autograph a picture for me.

Also I'm surprised that Bawful didn't celebrate the fact that today is the fifth anniversary of the Crazy Pills into the stands incident. Of course if he did celebrate it, his computer would probably blow up in his lap like one of those messages in Mission Impossible.

Blogger chris said...
49er16: Ever notice that Oakland County was pivotal to the crazy for both Rodman AND Artest!?

Blogger 49er16 said...
Chris: I've been telling every I know that Oakland County being pivotal for both crazy Rodman and Artest wasn't coincidence.

Blogger AnacondaHL said...
chris: Oakland also gave us Tower of Power, The Black Panthers, and ghost riding.

Blogger 49er16 said...
Chris: What do you think of all these trade possiblities revolving around the Kings? Ziller seemed to like the Okafor trade. I'd rather not see the Kings tie cap space up with someone like Okafor.

Blogger 49er16 said...
Your forgetting a couple of other things AnacondaHL, Oakland also gave us the Hells Angels, Jason Kidd and Gary Payton.

Blogger AnacondaHL said...
Also, Pau Gasol is a sofa, the Lakers are a living room. Thanks, Kenny.

Blogger chris said...
AnacondaHL: Shockingly, guys, I am NOT referring at all to Oakland, California (home of NELLIEBALL) but...Oakland County, Michigan. :P

49er16: I actually heard someone say that Nocioni-for-Dalembert was a possibility? We need more lacktion!?

Blogger chris said...
As for the Oakland that sits beside San Leandro, Berkeley, and Piedmont...here's the emblematic video clip of the hour:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6lUnG4uZPTo

Anonymous Anonymous said...
you stat-cursed the suns!

Blogger Wild Yams said...
Man, my predictions were for shit. The only game I got right was the Lakers-Bulls one, and I thought it was gonna be close. I guess Pau Gasofa is actually pretty good (which of course I was aware of, I just thought it might take a bit for him to work his way back).

The Spurs are missing Manu and Toilet Paper, but they do still have Duncan and Jefferson and a real solid supporting cast (although that Theo Ratliff signing is looking like it's not paying off very much so far), so I figured they might be able to pull it out against the Jazz, who were also on the second night of a back to back. But man oh man do the Spurs look old. On The Basketball Jones today they were saying it doesn't matter that the Spurs are off to such a slow start cause last year they started 2-5 and they're always slow starters, but uh, they had a pretty horrible season last year and were gone in the first round, so it may be time to start worrying a bit down there. Injury woes can hit any team at any time, but when they're coming a lot to the oldest team in the league, that may not be a coincidence.

Tonight was just a trap game for the Suns. If you'd told me before the game that with CP3 out and that David West would only score 6 points, I would have put the line at somewhere around 20 in favor of Phoenix. Who knew Peja still had this kind of game in him? I'd say that I hope you all had a nice look at it, cause it's doubtful you'll see that again for a long, long time. That said, the Hornets have got to go with a two PG lineup with CP3 and Darren Collison for big stretches once Paul is healthy. It worked wonders for them when they did that with Jannero Pargo two years ago, and it looks like it could work with this team as well. Also, that Okafor block on Amar'e was sick.

The main difference that Pau "The Sofa" Gasol makes with this Laker team is that suddenly their razor thin bench doesn't really matter anymore. The usual scrubs that almost blew the 28 point lead against Detroit the other night didn't make an appearance until the Lakers were up 24 with about 4+ to play in this one (and naturally, they squandered about 10 points of that lead in 2-3 minutes). No more Josh Powell, no more DJ Mbenga, no more Sasha Vujacic. A few minutes for Farmar and Brown, but other than that it's just Kobe, Bynum, Gasol, Odom, Artest and Fisher. And ultimately nobody's going to be playing long minutes because of the rotations. That means the Lakers won't be giving away leads or burying themselves into deep holes they need to crawl out of anywhere near as often, and that makes a big difference. Now watch the Lakers get full of themselves and lose their next game, against the Thunder on Sunday.

Blogger BadDave said...
Nuck Basty - ...withleather....added to arsenal of relaxation sites. And I find reversing your letters makes your name much funnier.

And for those of you in mid-life crises, let me tell you that I'm so old I saw Bird and Jordan play each other in Chicago Stadium. That place was awesomely loud. Of course, the game was the last regualar season game and Bird played about 45 seconds, but still....

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