I've already described how popular Reggie Miller is with the ladies. And it's a good thing that's the case...because he won't be ready to join the UFC circuit any time soon. It's not surprising, really. The dude's arms look like a couple old pipe cleaners wrapped in boot leather. You know why he teaches children to read? So they'll help him with all the jars he can't open. Look, all I'm saying is that when old ladies see him out in public, they don't ask for his autograph, they offer to help him across the street.

Okay, I'm done. I think. Here's Reggie's most famous fight: a heated donnybrook with Michael Jordan. A major wag of the finger goes to MJ, who resorted to the cat-fighting tactic of trying to claw Reggie's eyes out. Was that really necessary, Mike? I mean, if a 10-year-old picked a fight with me, I wouldn't try to throw dirt in his face or kick him in the junk. That's just wrong.


And because he has to obsessively copy everything Jordan did, Kobe Bryant also picked a fight with Reggie...leading to a testy rumpus in which Austin Croshere almost lost his jersey. Sorry, ladies. I said "almost."

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26 Comments:
Blogger Adam said...
Does anyone else thinkt he announcers were a little eager to blame that altercation on Miller and absolve MJ from any blame? He probably should have bear-hugged Michael instead of checking him, but ejection?

Anonymous dunkside said...
ha ha
mike got a headbutt in and maybe a bit of a punch.

i wish someone would have knocked reggie the fuck out, though. he comes off like a fake tough guy (kinda like kg) and he's waaaaay too overrated.

people talk about reggie as if he's guaranteed to be included in the HOF. there's a certain "future all star" whose career stats are better than reggie's, yet he will NEVER go into the HOF and is never mentioned in this context (which is right).

Blogger Wild Yams said...
I could be wrong but I think that may have actually been Kobe's last fight. I know he's since done stuff like "accidentally" elbowing Mike Miller or smacking Manu Ginobili in the schnoz, but I think the dustup with Reggie Miller was his last bona fide fight. Anyone know for sure?

Also, I don't know if it's just cause I'm a Laker fan that Ron Artest is maybe more on my radar, but Artest seems way more eccentric (i.e. filled with the crazy) than normal lately. I haven't seen either of these items get mentioned 'round these parts, but not only is Artest apparently now friends with the guy who threw the beer at him which was the impetus for the Malice at the Pallace brawl, but now Artest is on video singing the love theme to Titanic (yes, "My Heart Will Go On" by Celine Dion). Ummm...?

Anonymous Geert said...
Did I hear it right that the guy who got blocked/goaltended by MJ was called 'Pooh Richardson'? Was that his real name or more like a nickame? Elaborate, please.

Also, kudos for Croshere jumping on Shaq. Altough I'm not sure The Big Breakupper knew there was a Croshere on his back.

Anonymous Anonymous said...
MJ should have totally been thrown out too, since he actually threw the first punch. I take some solace in that today's NBA with instant replay, the refs would have caught that. Or if they didn't, every blogger and basketball writer would have ripped the refs for protecting the superstar.

Anonymous Anonymous said...
If you remember correctly, the Jordan "hype machine" was in fulllll force. Everyone was afraid to doubt him or blame him. I guess everyone but Reggie.

Blogger chris said...
Geert: Sounds like a nickname:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Pooh_Richardson

To quote:
"His nickname came from his grandmother, who thought he resembled Winnie the Pooh."

Blogger Future Guy said...
It's complete BS that MJ didn't at least get a foul called on him. If I was Bob Hill, I would have done a lot more than just throw my clipboard on the floor and cuss a little bit, that's for sure.

MJ may have been the GOAT, but he fought like Pee Wee Herman.

Blogger HoopBlah said...
The worst part of the Bulls-Pacers altercation?

"And that will let Detlef Schrempf enter the game."

BWAHAHAHA

And there was a double foul called on Reggie and MJ, so that's not an issue.

Mike probably should have gotten tossed too, but it's NBA officiating. From 16 years ago.

Blogger Wild Yams said...
IMO the best weird NBA nickname ever was Anthony "Pig" Miller. He had the nickname quite simply because he looked like a pig, and even weirder, insisted on being called "Pig" instead of Anthony.

Anonymous Anonymous said...
Grrrrr.... where is livin large!? Don't leave me hangin!!

Blogger Jake said...
you sir are a testy rumpus...sorry had to

Blogger LA Huey said...
"Pooh" Richardson is the precursor to Derrick Rose, the great "Poohdini"
And since we've mentioned bad nicknames, I'd like to throw "Fat" Lever's hat into the ring.

OpenID NarSARSsist said...
Yams - Isn't it better than animal neglect, domestic abuse, and asking for time off the season because he just finished promoting his album? I'll take him performing with the Reduced Shakespeare Company if necessary as long as he stays out of trouble.

Future Guy - Totally agree that MJ didn't throw any real punches (maybe that's how he was controlling himself?). Remember, the commish doesn't take kindly to sissies. After all, he has no beef with Stop Snitchin but levied the harshest penalty out of everyone in the Knicks-Nuggets brawl on Melo not for throwing the punch, but for running away afterwards.

While we're on the topic of nicknames, what about Duncan's "Merlin"? It's not bad, but it's kinda lame... Nobody uses it though, which probably explains why he always looks like this.

While we're on this topic and Livin Large, the Big Fundamental also is a D&D fan. I remember from an earlier installment that someone called Bawful's D&D character perfectly. Anyone want to speculate on Timmeh's character?

OpenID NarSARSsist said...
Oh, and poor Dirkalicious. Looks like he won't be getting a mini-David Hasselhoff fans just yet. Poor guy, he was so sure that he already demanded custody of the baby long ahead of time. I mean, his ex-fiancee only committed crimes like credit card fraud, it's not like she's a compulsive liar...

Anonymous Anonymous said...
Speaking of fights, it looks like Bruce Lee Bowen has finally retired! Looks like we need a Bruce Lee Bowen's "Greatest HITS" post.

Anonymous Anonymous said...
Laker Hater.

Anonymous Anonymous said...
Yeah, Kobe also obsessively copies Jordan by winning championships too.

Blogger Trev said...
Well the reason the announcers were quick to absolve Jordan was because I'm almost positive those where WGN anchors. Hearing those voices put me right back to when I was 11 years old and watching basketball. My family had satellite tv (back when the satellite dish was the size of an actual planet) and I remember watching a TON of Bulls basketball games in the early 90's because it was one of the few networks at the time that showed every game.

Blogger Clifton said...
You'd best not mess with anyone in the Miller family... all the ballahs know. Ask Scot Pollard.

Blogger AnacondaHL said...
I am crushed by that Tim Duncan article. Out of all the NBA players that were actually geeks, why did it have to be him! Damnit, I don't want reasons to like that guy.

Just imagine, a bunch of bored NBA people on a plane, someone suggests "Hey, let's play dice. Anyone got one?" And Duncan pulls out his bag of d20's and d100's.
"Erm, maybe some poker instead..."

Blogger AnacondaHL said...
Double postin' for more Spurs hate news:

"I've been fighting that ['dirty' label] for quite some time. It just so happened that I was there after everyone stuck their hands in the cookie jar and then the lights came on and I had a cookie."

Thank you Bruce Bowen, for keeping the hate alive. Almost sad to see you go. Oh wait, no I'm not.

Blogger BadDave said...
I always respected Miller for standing up despite not having eaten a decent meal in months. He may have fought like a powderpuff, but at least he did his own fighting.

I also liked that fighting generally made Miller better on the court. He was a rare bird (get it?) that got more deadly when he was riled up.

Maybe we could call Duncan the Wizard. Of Waverly Court.

That's funny if you have kids.

OpenID NarSARSsist said...
Sorry AnacondaHL, didn't mean to gash open painful wounds. Seeing you makes me remember another weird nickname. What about Amare Stoudemire's Sun Tzu?

"Sun Tzu,'' Stoudemire said. "His motto is, the way he prepares for battle, he uses deception. So, like, let's say we go out to play a game, right, and the New Jersey Nets say Amaré can't go to his left; he's going to go right. But I know what they're thinking, that I'm going to go right. So I go left.''

"Because you're a master of deception,'' Coro said.

"Because I'm a master of deception,'' Stoudemire said.



"Well, it's a book,'' Stoudemire said. "A lot of generals and warriors read his book because he has a great idea of how to win without even fighting. You know what I'm saying?"

"Win before it starts,'' Coro said, nodding.

"Yeah,'' Stoudemire said. "So that's why they call me Sun Tzu.''


Ian Thomsen is wrong about the nickname lasting two weeks though. One year and going strong. Still, his vagueness about what exactly it is he's applying from the Art of War makes me wonder if he didn't just wiki it and read the first paragraph.

OpenID NarSARSsist said...
BadDave - Clearly being Timmeh's teammate is clouding your judgment.

Anonymous Kevin Barford said...
haha the ref had a pretty gratuitous fall in the kobe-reggie fight, around 0:36.

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