I got nothin' today. I started Livin' Large Part 22 (which will be published tomorrow) and another post about why I'm not worried about the LeBron-Shaq Cavaliers, but I couldn't finish either of 'em. So instead of fresh, new content, here's a video compilation of NBA Fail. I'm not saying I chose this one because it starts with Kobe boning a breakaway dunk...but that's totally why I chose it.

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21 Comments:
Blogger Wild Yams said...
Just curious: when you say you're not worried about the Crabs, do you mean that from a Celtics fan standpoint, like you don't think they're a legit title team? Or do you mean it from a bawful standpoint of not thinking they're going to provide us all with plenty of bawfulness in the coming season? If it's the former, I think it's too early to tell. I think the Celtics, Lakers, Crabs, Spurs and Magic are the only real contenders this year, but all of them made such significant changes that it's going to be unclear for a while, probably till February or so, which of them put the right pieces in place and which ones are mismatched. I think also that the trade deadline could play a huge part in what happens this year, in particular because there are rumors that Ray Allen could get dealt (the Lakers also have a pair of expiring deals, Adam Morrison & Derek Fisher, which they could potentially flip into some kind of upgrade, though it's doubtful Buss would want any kind of salary increase). I think we really just have to wait and see how it plays out to be sure.

Cleveland though I think has the most potential for disaster (out of the above mentioned 5 teams), because it's quite likely Shaq either gets hurt, goes into rapid decline, or causes a lot of internal tensions with having to play 2nd fiddle to LeBron (or maybe even 3rd fiddle behind Mo Williams as well). Shaq might even have to accept a bench role behind Big Z. I think with all the LeBron 2010 nonsense we're going to see this year, having someone as insecure and egomaniacal as Shaq on the team could really throw things into chaos there in Cleveland. The Crabs had to make that trade (what other options did they have, other than stand pat?), but it's either going to work great or be a total disaster, I think.

Blogger Dan B. said...
Something else to bide your time until Mr. Bawful posts new content... Michael Beasley's got a new tattoo?? http://thehoopdoctors.com/online2/2009/08/is-michael-beasley-supercool/

OpenID NarSARSsist said...
Seeing this reminds me of a segment from the Slam Dunk Contest years ago called "Why Short People Shouldn't Dunk" or something like that, filled with plenty of footage of guys shooting layups at the Slam Dunk Contest and whatnot.

Yams - I gotta say, Bawful's little cryptic "not worried about the Crabs" thing made me want to write the exact same comment. In all likelihood, Shaq probably already has an "injury" written into his planner some time around late December - early January, ending before the All-Star break. Might have another one scheduled for around March too. I can't imagine Shaq being willing to accept a bench role though. He could be in Orlando and still would think, "Who the hell would think this Dwit Howid guy or whatever the hell his name is should be starting ahead of me?! I invented everything he does and crapped it into the sewage system!"

Let's not forget that the Spurs have an expiring Manu Ginobili (whom I still think would serve the Spurs more by being flipped for Elton Brand) and the Crabs have a combined $32 million worth of expiring contracts in Big Z and Shaq (who knows, if things get frosty over in Cleveland, maybe they'd trade the big Shaqolier).

P.S. Shaq taking issue to playing 3rd fiddle to Fog Raw? Impossible! Maybe he could swaggerjack Mo by donning a wig and calling himself Shaq Raw. After all, that's what he said about Nash: "Everyone in America has similar ideas," O'Neal said. "His idea was slightly different."

WV: Aerie. Wow, a real word for once. "Shaq is perched atop his aerie laughing as other centers recycle the moves he crapped down on them.

Blogger Wild Yams said...
Dan B - Apparently the real controversy with that Beasley photo isn't the humiliating stupid "Supercool Beas" tattoo itself, but the bag of weed you can see sitting on his coffee table in the background. Oops.

NarSARSist - Shaq usually takes two weeks off in mid to late January for an "injury", whether he has one or not. However, at 37 years old (soon 38), and at his size I think it's probably just a matter of time before Shaq has a real injury that keeps him out for an extended period of time. He was looking awfully banged up there in Miami before the Phoenix trainers worked the same magic on him that they did on Grant Hill. It remains to be seen if his health will continue now that he's out of the Valley of the Suns.

Blogger Dan B. said...
Yams -- maybe he's been hanging out with Starbury?

OpenID NarSARSsist said...
Yams - If Shaq has to get injured somehow, I hope it's because Lebron ran into him. An unstoppable force meeting an immovable object. Tsh, and people were worried about the Large Hadron Collider.

OpenID NarSARSsist said...
Update: Michael Beasley checks himself into rehab.

"Miami Heat forward Michael Beasley has entered a rehabilitation hospital in Houston to address possible substance and psychological issues, Yahoo! Sports reported Monday."

The weed explains the substance issues, and I'm guessing tattooing SupercoolBeas landed him the psychological ones.

Anonymous Anonymous said...
bawful, yesterday (23rd) was Kobe's birthday (i know this because i share it with him). nice to see his failed dunk lead-off the video. i hope he got lousy presents

Blogger chris said...
NarSARSist - Well, if bad tattoos led to a psych evaluation...

...someone get Brad Miller a 5150 for his Scrappy-Doo tat. :O

Blogger Howard said...
Not one, but two failed Kobe breakaways! My day is complete.

Anonymous Anonymous said...
goes to show that the rim is the best defender in the game

Blogger Wild Yams said...
I understand the two Kobe breakaway dunks that were blown being included, but is a contested three that bricks really a "blooper"? Someone really must have had a hard on for Kobe to have included that shot in there.

OpenID NarSARSsist said...
chris - Nobody's calling in a 5150 for Miller out of concern for the psychologists' safety. What if that tat is contagious?

Yams - Some of those are a little iffy. Like Jackson's Slam Dunk Contest jam that missed. People miss those all the time (or, in the case of Nate Robinson, just keep attempting but not finishing them like 12 times). It wasn't that ugly of a shank.

Blogger Wild Yams said...
NarSARSsist - Agreed, this was overall one of the weaker "blooper reels" I've seen, due to the number of fairly routine plays that were included. I just thought the three that Kobe missed (with a hand in his face) was a particularly odd inclusion.

Going back to the Crabs, did anyone else see this article in the Wall Street Journal (found via TrueHoop) which doesn't make the LeBron/Shaq pairing look too promising? The article is filled with a long list of hilariously inaccurate quotes from Shaq, beginning with "No one ever gets frustrated with me." Someone should point out that the list of people who are frustrated with Shaq goes around the block, with Penny, Kobe and Nash right at the head of it. For LeBron's sake, I hope he's able to crab dribble over eggshells.

OpenID NarSARSsist said...
Yams - The quote that blew me away is:
"They agree, for example, that Mr. James will be 'the leader' which, Mr. O'Neal says, makes this the first time in his 17 seasons in the NBA that he has accepted a supporting role."

Whoa whoa whoa, first time in his 17 seasons he's accepted a supporting role? So it wasn't El Flash that that averaged almost 35 points, led the team, and flailed around flopping every time he needed someone to bail him out on a drive en route to Miami's 2006 NBA Championship? I thought he had no plans of being the star in Phoenix either? (Near the end)

One thing about their marriage though is that it should make Dwight Howard much less effective down on the low block (the pick and roll, however, is a different story). Watching that Orlando-Boston series, Howard's deficiencies down low were just painful to watch, and almost every possession where he posted up against Perkins involved him getting further and further from the rim. (I remember one possession where he got the ball at about 7 feet out, turned to make a move towards Perkins' left, and ended up shooting a running hook from about 14 feet away. Just UGLY.) If they can snag a few games against Orlando and contain Neo-Superman, they might honeymoon for a while. If Dwight has improved a lot since the last time we saw him, and runs all over the Crabbies, then I think the barbs will start flying.

Bonus content: Why Scoop Jackson is a moron. I can't wait till he writes another one like that about how Shaq is the perfect fit in Cleveland because doesn't have to dominate over there, he just has to grab all the boards, control the paint, make all the outlet passes, and pray that somehow teammates that were once bad at an aspect of the game (Stoudemire + defense? Riiiiight. Though, it's not his fault) somehow magically get transformed by his words into experts at it.

Blogger Will said...
1. Since this the summer of hating on LeBron (deservedly so) I thought I would add this nugget. I was listening to a Cleveland talk show this morning and the host brought up a list of the best and worst tippers among area celebrities. Turns out LeBron is at the bottom. A listener called in and related a story of when he was working as a valet driver and he serviced LeBron and Chris Paul. Not only did neither of them so much as tip him, they didn't even pay for valet. If I can find this list, I will post it.
2. One of my co-workers showed me a video of when he played in the Pennsylvania basketball state championship game his senior year. The opponent? None other than Lower Merion High, alma mater of one Kobe Bean Bryant. At the end of the game, my buddy's team battled back and was down 1 with 30 seconds to play and they had the ball. His team missed a shot and as he was about to grab the board, Kobe 2-hand shoves him out of the way, grabs the ball, and outlets it to a cherry-picker for the dagger. The ref was looking right at him when this happened. In a completely unrelated matter, Kobe had 4 fouls at the time.

Anonymous Anonymous said...
For all the Kobe haters...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OgQbrJfjakA

Anonymous Anonymous said...
Hey Will, my friend's cousin's neighbor's dog told me that it wasn't actually Kobe in that play.

Blogger Steve said...
The Shaq free throw airball was classic. It was such an epic miss that all the pride he carries couldn't keep him from bowing his head after. In the other FT airballs in the clip, the balls get about a foot from the hoop but fade away like a changeup. Shaq's went directly under the net as he posed.

I wonder if Cleveland is still going to do those inane miming routines before every game. They couldn't have been more annoying but the intrigue is that it was okay in the hierarchy for everyone to be posing and Lebron to be taking the pictures since no one was even close to his stature. I don't think Shaq would participate in something where he's cast in a secondary light.

OpenID NarSARSsist said...
Steve - Maybe Shaq will bowl Lebron to knock over the likes of Delonte West and Fog Raw?

Anonymous Aaron said...
Any day that I get to watch Kobe fail is a good day.
pba 2009

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