Cheers, Basketbawful fans! Recently I finally decided to get off my lazy ass and learn a bit more about audio and video as my duty as Chief of Internet Operations. So I added a tool to my already dangerous Internet arsenal, the animated gif, which will be used heavily in this post. Besides, some of us have the un-luxury of having YouTube blocked at work, so how else can we use up that precious bandwidth? In 90's Internet style, (I will, however, spare you from the embedded and unstoppable MIDI), may I present to you the 2008-09 NBA Animated Worsties Edition. And in true AnacondaHL stream of consciousness style, I will throw in some random facts about the season.

October:
oct-Hack-A-Shaq3

Brook Lopez had more regular season dunks than LeBron James.

November:
nov-MJ-beat-at-own-camp

The playoffs FG% leader of those qualified was Marcin Gortat.

December:
dec-Darko-rips-jersey
I was inspired to slightly modify this next pic:
dec-Dirk-AK47-half1redo
Lets see that again at another angle!
dec-Dirk-AK47-half2
dec-Im-gay-for-Gilbert-Arenas

Shaq may be right saying he makes FTs when they count, as his 08-09 clutch FT% was 72%, compared to 59.5% overall and 52.8% for his career.

January:
jan-Crab-Dribble

Candyman Lamar Odom was resigned for good reason: He produced the third most net points, ahead of Dwayne Wade and Kobe, and behind King Crab and Chris Paul.

February:
feb-Chris-Paul-inbound-off-Kobe
feb-T-Mac-stuffed-by-rim1

Darius Songalia played better defence than Yao. Oddly, Jason Kidd also ranked high this year on Net defense on/off. The Vanilla Godzilla is still a beast.

March:
mar-BEST-DUNK-EVER-backflip3

Stephon Marbury's Hall of Fame probability is an uncanny 19.81%. Obviously, basketball-reference hasn't figured out a metric to adjust for career-ending crazy and Internet webcasts. Ron Artest's HoF probability is now 0.61%. Zach Randolph is at 0.49%.

April:
apr-SuperBadge
Cleveland?!

Labels:

20 Comments:
Anonymous An Ohio Jayhawk said...
And the award for "Best use of 'Newspeak' in a blog" goes to...

AnacondaHL

un-luxury... love it!

Blogger AnacondaHL said...
Ohio Jayhawk: Hey, maybe being a student of Steven Pinker does actually have some benefit! Wait, no, it does not.

extra: I am saddened to discover the timing on the SuperBadge gif looks different in IE versus Firefox.

extra2: I really enjoyed making the Dirk-AK animations.

Blogger Victor said...
Oh man that AK47 flop just gets better and better.

Blogger Dan B. said...
90s Internet style? Shouldn't it be hosted on Geocities, Tripod, or members.aol.com? Also, there should be more unsightly background graphics that don't fit the page, and some generic, ugly tables that serve no purpose. And frames. There HAVE to be frames. I do appreciate you not embedding a MIDI though, even if it would be historically accurate.

OpenID NarSARSsist said...
Dan B. - If we wanted to add to the authenticity, the animated gifs should gradually load up, bar by bar. The background should not only be unsightly, but it should also move, and would be banned from television because of its seizure inducing tendencies. In addition, the site could do a dial tone before loading.

I totally agree with the embedded MIDI. Let's keep that devastating piece of history tucked away in that nice corner called myspace.

Anonymous Panadero said...
NarSARSsist: It would also need lots of images taken from the Angelfire image gallery, including variously colored bullet points, horizontal line breaks of dripping blood, and rotating skulls on fire.

And the more I see that AK47 flop the more I hate him.

Blogger chris said...
Don't forget that the text would have to be in some "no other font options" Times New Roman look, like this was rockin' 1997. And garish color scheme, i.e. purple/yellow on black with red borders.

OpenID NarSARSsist said...
Oh and AnacondaHL, as if the Stephon Marbury having almost 20% chance of going to the HOF wasn't bad enough, there are some that are possibly worse. (At least you could argue that Marbury flipping out was pretty HOF worthy right there.)

Tracy McGrady - 98%
Vince Carter - 90%
Gilbert Arenas > Carmelo Anthony + Chauncey Billups
Shawn Marion > Pau Gasol + Carlos Boozer + Lamar Odom
Zach Randolph > 0%

Imagine that, Knee Mac and Vinsanity are near locks to the HOF. And they say Knee Mac needed Kobe's dedication to the gym to become a HOF player... Maybe if he quit basketball like he was threatening to for like 3 years, he could make it as a HOFer for baseball too. What an athlete!

Blogger Will said...
AnacondaHL: Are there any other bullets you wish you had in your gun?

OpenID NarSARSsist said...
AnacondaHL - You know what would improve the AK47 gif even more? If you combined it with your other great piece of work.

WV: turbo. The speed of internet these days. A term nonexistent in the 90s, much like the idea that bandwidth could mean something other than 56 kbps.

Blogger AnacondaHL said...
Ah, you guys are great. The nostalgia, it floweth. I especially liked the "horizontal line breaks of dripping blood, and rotating skulls on fire".

Will - The last tool I need is a solid video effects editing tool, beyond just crop and conversion. I would be unstoppable.

Blogger chris said...
So guys, can we have a "Compuserve 1988 Retro Edition" at some point with ASCII text on black backgrounds? :p

Blogger clicc916 said...
While we're at it, why don't you change the title from "[56k NO!]" to "[14.4k BEWARE! 28.8k RECOMMENDED]"

I can wait until tomorrow morning to view this page because I'm downloading songs on Napster anyway.

You guys should totally retro this page mid-90's style for at least a day. Maybe you could do Basketbawful circa 1997?

Anonymous Anonymous said...
Shouldn't the title be scrolling by in a marquee? I also seem to be having trouble finding your guestbook and hit counter :(

Blogger chris said...
Hit counters! I miss those.

Also, a "Netscape Friendly" button would be called for here.

Maybe one day Bawful can be 100% Compatible with Mosaic!!!1!!

Anonymous Marc said...
My friend (and I use the term extremely loosely) just recently put a hit counter on his professional web page.

I laughed and laughed...

Anonymous Anonymous said...
Where's the idio Garnett's bark on all fours?

OpenID basketbloggers said...
What you gotta remember is that Steff used to be a really good PG, back when he was more tame.

Blogger Ry said...
I could watch Pop and Staff laughing about the Big HackaShaq for the rest of the evening. Like a fine wine, it just gets funnier with age.

Anonymous vaanhalen said...
Those on/off court stats are great! By the way, I hope someone else noticed that at the bottom of the "net points while on the court" list of contributors, with a -8.9% offensive contribution to his game, is our man Kevin Durant. Way to make it happen, Mister ROY. Keep working on that FG%

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