Zaza Pachulia
Whoops. This bachelor isn't as eligible as I thought...

Update! A terrible, awful, unforgivable mistake has been made. I mocked the wrong Zaza. Hello egg, meet my face. The following story is about Zaza Enden, not Zaza Pachulia. Two pro ballers from Georgia named Zaza? What are the chances? Apparently immense.

I will Enden you
Come and get it, ladies.

Strange news from Basketbawful reader Mithat: "Dude, according to this Turkish newspaper, Zaza Pachulia's Enden's uncle died and left him $100 million...on one condition: He must marry and stay married for at least five years. Is this a bad movie script or what?"

Since I missed all of my Turkish language classes in college, I can only make out the numbers in the article Mithat linked to. (Assuming those are actually numbers and not some form of foreign script. Note to self: Stop sniffing glue.) But as soon as my Turkish intern shows up with the dry cleaning, I'll provide as much of a translation as he can manage while doing my pedicure.

Translation update! Mithat helped me pierce the language barrier (somewhat):

I tried to translate the article myself, but the writer included a lot of unrelated details and used a confusing language, so I am sorry that I can only translate the following:

The main idea is, Zaza had a relationship with a model named Ece G├╝rsel in Turkey and once he was in the headlines for beating his girlfriend. (This has nothing to do with the rest of the article, but it's there -- great journalism!!)

His uncle, residing in Russia, died last week and left him $100 million. Zaza confirmed the incident, stating that he received a phone call from Moscow from a lawyer explaining the situation, but he said at first he taught it was a joke.

He also said that his uncle in Russia loved him very much and he is not surprised the uncle left everything to him and two sons. The lawyer told him that there is a condition on the will. This condition is that Zaza has to get married and stay married for 5 years. After receiving the news, Zaza called his mom in Georgia (the country, not the state) and asked her to come to Turkey. Zaza is doing some passport related paperwork and as soon as he is finished he will go to Moscow to check what is going on and other conditions.

He also insisted the inheritance is not cash, but it includes shopping centers, residences, land and other real estate. When asked if everything goes okay and he gets the money what he will do, he answered that he will start a basketball club and play final in Euroleague with this club.
What? Start a basketball club?! Now that he has access to unlimited cash, his primary goal is surrounding himself with hot, sweaty European dudes? What a waste. And man, if you inherit $100 million dollars and "commission genius to build me a rocket pack" isn't one of the top two items on your "List Of Things To Do Now That I'm Filthy Rich," you lose cool points. All of 'em.

Another update! I apologize for any initial misinformation I might have spread. Fortunately, Basketbawful reader Kaan was there to set me straight:

The player in question is not Zaza Pachulia but rather Zaza Enden. Both are Georgian (seems Zaza is a popular name there), and both came to Turkey at a very young age to play basketball.

And actually the story is extremely fishy. Enden has been known to use incredible theatrics for fame because I believe he is cash strapped and needs to be in the spotlight. He has not played top level basketball for 4-5 years. He appeared in a Turkish version of Dancing with Stars for appearence fees and such. I firmly believe this is a hoax anyway.
Damn hoaxes. Damn bloggers who blog too quickly. Damn brains that are thinking more about the warm weather than fact checking and brushing up on my Turkish. Damn, damn, damn.

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33 Comments:
Blogger Headless Chicken said...
http://translate.google.com/translate?prev=hp&hl=de&js=n&u=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.hurriyet.com.tr%2Fspor%2Fbasketbol%2F11608135.asp%3Fgid%3D229&sl=tr&tl=en

LOL, really. I think Mithat read something completely different than google translator wants me to acknowledge. ROFLMAO.

Blogger Will said...
judging from that picture, I think Zaza smuggles cocaine for the Colombians in the off-season

Blogger Cortez said...
"judging from that picture, I think Zaza smuggles cocaine for the Colombians in the off-season"

HAHAHAHAHAHA!

Good one.

Blogger anne said...
I'm pretty sure that photo is going to be used in a new marketing scheme for Summer's Eve.

Blogger Julia said...
I always say that if I am ever widowed I will marry Zaza, so that my name can be Julia Pachulia. Now I have that much more incentive! Thanks, crazy Russian uncle!

Blogger Will said...
Anne- What will you do about your pic if the rapture comes and Knee-Mac actually makes it to the second round?

Blogger chris said...
Two straight posts about ZAZA PACHULIA.

Mind-blowing.

Blogger Wild Yams said...
This comment has been removed by the author.

Blogger Wild Yams said...
Since there's no WOTN up today, allow me to add my own:

WORST OF THE NIGHT: MAY 7, 2009

The Atlanta Hawks
: They stink (almost as bad as this series does).

Anonymous AK Dave said...
No gold chains to go with that chest hair, Zaza?

Weaksauce. Go back to "dress like a Miami Vice goon" school.

Blogger AnacondaHL said...
Ugh. I'm at work so I can't search for the Summer's Eve douche WalMart online mishaps, except for this one.

Blogger AnacondaHL said...
Additional note: Just in case you all thought BasketBawful was joking about the jetpack, it's actually quite feasable. So yea, minus cool points if you don't get one of those.

Blogger Will said...
No 100 mil for zaza? Well at least he has his cocaine wealth to fall back on.

Anonymous Anonymous said...
I was about to say were the Hawks so bad last night they didn't even deserve a WOTN?

Anonymous AK Dave said...
High-pressure hose/Douche mix-up:

+10 to AnacondaHL!!!

That... wow. I don't even want to start, because once I do, this blog will be taken to a level seldom seen at even my family's dinner table. Nicely done, Senior Internet Advisor.

Blogger BadDave said...
Props to the funniest part of this article - your tags.

Blogger mg said...
No shit!! He's Chopper!! !

("outch" - Best verification word ever)

Blogger Wild Yams said...
Wasn't there a bad* Chris O'Donnell / Renee Zellweger / Artie Lange movie about this? Even the $100m figure is the same in that movie.

* - Note that I've never seen this movie, so it may in fact not be bad, it's just an educated guess on my part.

Blogger Buck Nasty said...
That pic of him in the glasses makes him look like he's trying to be Stallone in Cobra. But instead, Zaza is the disease, and Lebron's half-court jumpshot is the cure.

Zaza "Last Name Sounds Like A Flower" Pachulia, who knew he'd be in the news this much?

Blogger anne said...
This "new" Zaza is more gross and skeevy than the other one. If he needs to get married quickly, I hear that Cristal Taylor is available.

Oh, and Will, I just thought about something regarding T-Mac getting out of the first round. You know how a lot of people think that some big armageddon is going to occur in 2012? A good gauge of this actually happening is if T-Mac gets out of the first round that year. Then we know to start panicking in the streets.

But as far as my pic, I'll probably get bored with it and change it waaaaay before that happens, lol.

Anonymous karl said...
some manlove from lakers/rockets....

http://img18.imageshack.us/img18/8094/picture1013915.png

Kobe is getting some serious neck action from the Machine here.

Anonymous Anonymous said...
more interview goodness from crazy pills: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=S8GzOgnkWfE

Blogger Sturla said...
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9NY54JoZ4oM

This is what happens when your name is not Kobe or Rondo

Blogger AnacondaHL said...
FUCK!

I messed up my DVR and missed getting a screenshot, because of the shock.

Saturday. DEN vs DAL. First Half Summary. Brought to you by... WORLD OF WARCRAFT.

WHAT THE FUCK.

Blogger Buck Nasty said...
WoW has been doing sponsorship all through the playoffs, I have no idea why.

I've always thought that George Karl is a gnome.

Anonymous Anonymous said...
AnacondaHL: Yeah! I saw that too! I was like, WHAT THE FUCK!??

It's funny too, because Mike Breen was probably thinking the same thing. He was like "This game's first half summary is brought to you by... WORLD.. OF.. WARCRAFT!!!"

I sorta thought Mark Jackson or Jeff Van Gundy were gonna go off on that



And oh geez, you gotta go all over that non-call in the game 3 denver dallas game. Reffing this playoffs has been absolutely horrible, by far the worst in any sports league in the past decade

Blogger Buck Nasty said...
Is there such a thing as a dead Yao bounce? I guess it's a little Ewing Corollary action to quote that douchebag B.S.

Either way, if Houston manages to win their remaining home game, they have a chance to break the (occasionally youthful-acting) Lakers in 7. I'll guarentee victory if they steal the upcoming game.

I'm putting money on Ron-Ron coming out of his leathery snake-egg shell.

Anonymous jj said...
i understand that there is too much awful happening in the nba right now for bawful to swallow

Anonymous Anonymous said...
Oh man! Anyone got a video clip of Big Baby Glen Davis shoving that kid after he hit the game winner?

Anonymous Anonymous said...
found it
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6HIToSvlsVA

Blogger Buck Nasty said...
Big Baby DESTRRROOOYYSSSS TOWEL BOYS! RAWWWRR BIG BABY WIN GAME, DESTrrrRRRRRROOOOOYYY TOWELL BOY! STUPID HAT WEARER!

I'm sorry, I didn't mean to yell, but big baby DEEESSTROOYYY!

Blogger Sturla said...
"Fat kid gets runned down by Big baby" Truly the headline of the week.

Blogger Andy said...
That has to be one of the most ridiculous looking game-winning routines I've seen. I can only hope and pray he doesn't win another game for the C's.

Anybody know why Dwight seems pissed?

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