Mark Jackson
This man is wanted for criminal hyperbole and,
potentially, the utter destruction of your liver.

Editor's note: I will be updating the list this weekend. Feel free to continue submitting ideas.

Loyal reader stephanie g invented this brilliant (but rather dangerous) game, the rules of which are described below. However, I must include a note of caution from the author herself: "I really don't recommend playing it though, you'd be in a coma by half time." Or by the end of the second quarter...whichever comes first. Now, onto the rules:

Take a shot if he says something along the lines of:

"He's a winner."

"He just gets it done."

"When his number is called he's ready."

"They just gotta come out and compete."

"Just because [Player A] is better than [Player B] doesn't mean he can't come out and outplay him."

"...and it's not even close."

"Momma, there goes that man."

"Excuse me, I have a meeting with the rim!"

"You're better than that!"

"GOTCHA!"

"Allen Iverson, pound for pound, is the best player in the game."

"Don't take your frustration out on the refs, take it out on the rim!"

"Come get in my poster!"

"NOT ON MY WATCH!"

"That's a grown man move right there."

"He's a knockdown shooter."

"The best player has to set the tone for this team."

"When his number is called he's ready."

"...if you come out and compete anything can happen."


Down the entire bottle if he says:

"Kobe Bryant is the best player on the planet."

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43 Comments:
Anonymous hellshocked said...
Jesus. I was gonna suggest adding "You're better than that!" but as it stand participants will already be using each other as urinals by halftime.

One more quote might push it into the realm of permanent brain damage.

Anonymous hellshocked said...
Nevermind, it's already on there.

Blogger Kevin said...
I am so playing this. Possibly even tonight because TNT presents the games Thursdays for me (not all the time because I'm in Canada)

Anonymous ROFLcopters said...
How bout a Hubie Brown drinking game? With quotes like "Here's a guy who's gonna come out and give you [reads the stats of the player] every night"

Anonymous Anonymous said...
Someone made me play drinking Kobe once. You put on the 82 point game, and drink every time he puts the ball in the hoop...

Anonymous AK Dave said...
Or how about a Mike Breen drinking game? Only one rule: drink when a shot misses and he says the following:

"(insert player) with a (insert shot type e.g. hook/elbow jumper etc)... WON'T GO!"

Seriously. He says "Won't go!" like 80 time every game.

Anonymous Anonymous said...
The one that grinds my nerves the most is:

"Time and time again"

ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

Anonymous JustinS said...
Oh, but my fav Mark Jackson quote is when he talks about someone "clearing some airspace," but he slurs the words and it sounds like "ass face." As in, "look at Kobe put the knee up to clear out ass-face."

Blogger Jim in KFalls said...
You had better buy a case of booze before playing this game and be prepared for alcohol poisoning by the end of the first quarter.

Blogger BadDave said...
I'm still drunk from Bawful's and my classic Mark Jackson drinking game.

Take a drink for every post-up that lasted for more than 10 seconds. Finish your drink if he takes a 20-second backdown.

Blogger Reid Sassman said...
are you serious? How did you leave out "I'm a truth teller"!? It makes no sense and Jackson says it at least 3 times game.

Anonymous Anonymous said...
Add my goodness to the list

How about a shot anytime Hubie mispronounces someone's name or says or they gotta get so-and-so going

Or Breen with its good! or bang! or banks it in! or what a move by

Really how hard it is to find fresher things to say? Even the local guys who cover the same team all season are nowhere near as stale as these guys.

Anonymous ROFLcopters said...
AKDave, good point. "Won't Go!" might be the most overused phrase in the history of commentating.

Anonymous AK Dave said...
I'd like to take yet another opportunity to get on a soap box and say what an awesome commentator Kevin Calabrow is.

Have I said this before? Oh well, here goes- Kevin Calabrow fucking RULES. He never uses stale cliches and at times makes the game sound much more interesting than it actually is. And he has done this alongside the worst color-commentators in the history of basketball such as Craig Ehlo and Lenny Wilkins.

KC FTW

That is all. Good day to you all.

Anonymous Anonymous said...
out of all of those,
"...force/ing the issue" isn't included?

Anonymous AK Dave said...
ROFLcopters-

I think I heard Hubie say EXACTLY what you said the other night. (Now here's a guy who YOU KNOW is going to give you 10.5pts and 6.3rebs/night!)

My favorite is just the fact that he ALWAYS speaks in the second person, as if I am playing/coaching for an NBA team.

HUBIE! BROWN!! (/a la Matt Damon)

Blogger stephanie g said...
Truth teller, my goodness, time and time again, and forcing the issue are all certainly nice additions. I put them on my personal list, thanks. :D Bawful?

Blogger Dan said...
This is great. What might be even more enjoyable (as well as dangerous) would be one that involves rules for both Mark Jackson and Jeff Van Gundy. Single drinks for either of their irritating cliches and double drinks when they start their pathetic banter.

Blogger Andy said...
You could leave all the others off the list and have 20 people wasted with "knockdown shooter" alone...

Breen also likes to remind you what the point differential is every 10 seconds:

"And all of a sudden, it's an X point game!"

"X point game!"

"and the lead is back up to X!"

Maddening.

Blogger Dunpizzle said...
How about a shot for every word Reggie Miller invents during a broadcast!?

Anonymous dewoof01 said...
http://scores.espn.go.com/nba/boxscore?gameId=290319005

I hope this still shows up on the link and they didn't update it, but when did Lebron start coming off the bench? The great thing is that Mike Brown decided to start 2 centers instead, deciding to start joe smith for a second center over Lebron, wierd considering that Lebron played from the opening tip on. Good call ESPN.

Anonymous Axel Foley said...
A drinking game that wouldnt involve certain death would be to take a drink every time Walt Frazier says a little ryhme like "dishing and swishing" or "posting and toasting" or any other rhyme he can think of he is the only reason that i would watch a knick game.

Anonymous Anonymous said...
please include turiaf in ur WoTN. he just got dunked on by...luke walton. i dont think i have to say anymore.

Anonymous reggray said...
You're right Dave, Kalabro is awesome, he used to be on the old Inside Drive games, if anybody remembers those. "No one do the voodoo like you do!"

You can definitely tell when Jackson's about to say "Mamma, there goes that man!" because he always says it when they show some replay to segue into commercials of a guy dunking or getting to the rim or, you know, just basically putting the ball in the cylinder without breaking his arm or something.

I have recurring nightmares of a very obvious no-call twelve step travel by Lebron during the replay of which Jackson screamed the very phrase that already haunts my soul. It's, like, turrrble.

Blogger Basketbawful said...
stephanie and everybody else -- I will be updating the game this weekend. Steph, if you can, please send me your finalized version since you created this game.

Blogger shnk said...
Howling "Throws the hammer down" after every single dunk in the game (e.g. ORL @ CLE few days ago)even if it was lame and it actually looked like the rim dunked the ball out of the players hand is another potential liver-killing hazard i guess.

P.S. Did anyone else noticed that LeBron became another powerful force in Duncan-Face Army? Or is it just me...

Blogger Junior said...
Another seven game win-streak for the Hawks and suprise suprise, it happens during a seven streak games in Atlanta...

Blogger AnacondaHL said...
Does Basketbawful have anything planned for March Madness?

Jordan Hill (Arizona) unintentionally dirty man love quote machine: (regarding Utah's Luke Nevill) "He’s real long, real big — way bigger than me"

Anonymous Anonymous said...
BUCKETS!!

Anonymous Anonymous said...
http://a323.yahoofs.com/ymg/ept_sports_nba_experts__21/ept_sports_nba_experts-870259338-1237555827.jpg?ym05S.ADR4Xm9gcZ

there is epic man love in this picture. i'm speechless.

Anonymous Mike T said...
My least favorite Mark Jackson phrase is "man movement". Really, you can't just say "player movement" like other people? Man movement just sounds too homo-erotic to me.

Blogger Alex said...
Here's the rules for The Clyde Frazier drinking game:
drink every time he says:

posting and toasting
swishing and dishing
the swiss-cheese D
matador D
the precocious neophyte
X with the 'good stuff'

suggestions are highly encouraged

Anonymous Anonymous said...
don't forget wheeling and dealing

Anonymous Anonymous said...
he always says "its all about the air space". prob 5 times a game

Anonymous Anonymous said...
How bout:

"That's just inexcusable."

"That's just solid basketball."

"That's just fundamental basketball."

"...getting it done on the defensive end."

"The ability to finish..."

"...that's trusting your ability."

"...offensively/defensively."

"If I'm [insert coach name], I'm..."



Mike Breen:

"[INSERT PLAYER LAST NAME]!"

"THAT'S good!"

"NICE move!"

"PRETTY move!

"NICE pass!"

"INSIDE!"

"KNOCKS it down!"

"THROWS it down!"

"BANKS it in!"

"COUNT the basket!"

"AND one!"

"WON'T go!"

"It's BLOCKED!"

Anonymous Higadael said...
My favorites:

HAND DOWN, MAN DOWN

MOMMA THERE GOES THAT MAN

THAT'S JUST A GROWN MAN DOIN' WORK

And a classic from last year's playoffs (in reference to Pau Gasol):

BOOM BOOM PAU!

Anonymous Anonymous said...
Jackson and Van Gundy are the worst sports announcers unleashed on the US public. Both suffer horribly from diarrhea of the mouth, can't stop talking and it is all crap! I hate having to watch the finals on mute.

Blogger rchrdk50 said...
In game 2, Jackson said (approximately), "Those 16 points scored in the 3rd quarter had the Laker bench's DNA all over them." When Van Gundy reacted by saying something to the effect that he couldn't believe Jackson had used such a bodacious metaphor, Mark said he had worked hard to come up with that line. That's the interesting thing to me: He sits up nights making this stuff up!

Anonymous Anonymous said...
"The operation was a success, but the patient died"

Blogger James said...
Thank god someone remembered the

HAND DOWN, MAN DOWN.

Blogger James said...
Thank god someone remembered.

HAND DOWN, MAN DOWN.

Anonymous Anonymous said...
also add "Good defense Better offense"

and "You reach I teach!"

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