I might have found the most 'bawful NBA-related Christmas gift of all. A site called HumorousT-shirts, which specializes in "funny t-shirts with jokes, quotes and slogans," provides a category called Basketball Quotes. For a mere $16.99 (plus S&H), you can have one of their pre-selected quotes emblazoned on a cheap white or gray t-shirt. (Note that the gray t-shirt costs an extra $3 for some reason. Possibly because it deflects cosmic rays.)

Warning: Actual t-shirt will not look this cool.

Here's how HumorousT-shirts.com describes this very special offering:

"Basketball quotes on t-shirts will make your obnoxiously tall friends burst out in laughter. The basketball quotes on these tees are from the most famous names in the game. So, show a little respect and buy a few funny t-shirts with famous basketball quotes on them and then show yourself off to the whole gang."
You know, I've been looking for something that would bring some LOLs into the life of my obnoxiously tall friends. All none of them. Oh, and those "most famous names in the game" include such basketball immortals as Nik Posa ("A tough day at the office is even tougher when your OFFICE contains spectator seating."), Dan Frisby ("Basketball is like photography, if you don't focus, all you have is the negative."), Shannon Fish ("If you are going to take it to the bank, then you better cash it in.") and the mysterious Author Unknown ("My responsibility is getting all my players playing for the name on the front of the jersey, not the one on the back."

For me, though, the real hook was the quote at the bottom of the page, under the heading "Hear what the athletes are saying about our t-shirt with basketball quotes."

"Yo, dude, these represent the finest basketball quotes from the biggest names in the history of the game. Do some respecting and buy some t-shirts with these great basketball quotes on them. Don't be a fool and act real cool, when you're not. Only these funny basketball quotes on these t-shirts will make you halfway cool. The other half you have to do on your own." - Larry Bird
Uh huh. If Larry Bird really said that, I'll use my 1986 World Champion Boston Celtics replica banner as a table cloth. Oops. I do that already. Never mind.

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13 Comments:
Anonymous Nick F. (Buck Nasty) said...
I can only imagine that Larry was randomly signing autographs for chronically ill children, when a request to write something stupid under his name from this T-shirt website snuck its way beneath his pen, soiling the Bird name, although in a comical manner. Yo.

Anonymous Geert said...
This one from "Dr. James Naismith, the father of basketball" is great: Be strong in body, clean in mind, lofty in ideals. I guess he didn't invent the game for the likes of Stephon Marbury, Stephen Jackson, Josh Howard, Ruben Patterson et cetera ad infinitum.

Anonymous yukmukbuk said...
Can someone please explain the random Kobe updates at the end? Is there a reason for them or is it just completely random fiction?

Anonymous AK Dave said...
Ba12. If the NBA were on channel 5 and a bunch of frogs making love were on channel 4, I'd watch the frogs, even if they were coming in fuzzy. - Bobby Knight

And then he'd throw a chair at them for missing a call and choke the ones who didn't get back on defense.

Anonymous AK Dave said...
I wonder if Larry knows about this "quote". He must not, or else he would have sued the internet.

Anonymous Aram said...
http://sports.yahoo.com/nba/players/3253/photos;_ylt=AmwFwiX0ONO_4utiMgxY1eM9PKB4?slug=f817c91e2e14311c0cdf78b4c823b86d-getty-82991425sc012_celtics_hawks

Blogger Wild Yams said...
Mr. Bawful, you need to just cut to the chase and buy yourself this. You can get it here.

Blogger chris said...
Hey Bawful, I'm about to email you a lacktion report from Wednesday (complete with some other fun statistics that will make us hate our Clark Kent jobs THAT much more), and I can't help but share the two juiciest tidbits from the worst performances:

- CJ Miles for Utah, in trying to become a true lollipop, was a +4 in a whopping 6:28 of playing time - as a starter! - and while +/- is not considered for SD numbers, he was -12, truly making him a Minus Man. (6 players for the Jazz - FOUR from the bench had double digit positive +/- numbers tonight.) I guess his sweet, sweet negative lacktivity was overshadowed by his team's depth. This year's salary for him is $3,700,000 or $45,121.95 a game - so he earned a sugary $11,280.49 for every SD marker he racked up!

- In New Orleans, the Spurs' Fabricio Oberto gave the Spurs a 40 second Mario, at the price of $3,500,000 this year/$42,682.93 a game - one of THE most expensive Marios in memory.

Blogger Clifton said...
"Yo, dude, these represent the finest basketball quotes from the biggest names in the history of the game. Do some respecting and buy some t-shirts with these great basketball quotes on them. Don't be a fool and act real cool, when you're not. Only these funny basketball quotes on these t-shirts will make you halfway cool. The other half you have to do on your own." - Larry Bird

And so close to Birdmas, too. Tsk, tsk.

Anonymous Anonymous said...
hey Bawful in the next WotN can you mention the stat curse the commentators put on matt bonner. they were talking about his league leading 3p% only to go 1-8. and 3-15 altogether. although in hindsight it is matt bonner, so it probably wasnt a stat curse just matt being normal.

and also the random NO employee who wouldnt let the fans manning the CP3 steal count put it upto 106. he was standing there telling them not to do it. even while the fans were cheering CP3 and there was an announcement about him getting the record.

Blogger AnacondaHL said...
The Larry Bird quote stems from the comedy on their front page, like Pope Rocky and British Jessie Jackson:

"Adrian! Adrain! I've never seen so many slogans for funny t-shirts in my life. I mean the funny t-shirts on this site are the most humorous things on the face of the earth. Why I remember going 15 rounds with Apollo one evening and looking out into the crowd seeing my fans wearing a bunch of these funny t-shirts. I was laughing as I was getting my teeth knocked out.

- Pope Benedict XVI"


"G'Day, Mate! I love these funny t-shirts! What can I say, you Bloke. These funny t-shirts be the bomb. I'd take a lift to the bottom floor and check under the bonnet for these wonderfully funny t-shirts. Chip, chip, cheerio old chap, these funny t-shirts must be the best around. So buy a bunch today.

- Rev. Jesse Jackson"

etc.

Blogger BadDave said...
If you're interested in chipping in for Bawful's X-mas gift, send me 50 cents and I'll buy the Shaq quote shirt. Just for him.

Anonymous Anonymous said...
can't believe steph bought a ticket to a knicks lakers game lol...jeez, wat is going on , can someone get some control over there....anyways, knicks fans, i found great tickets for tonight's game against the bucks...they are 30 bucks, originally priced at $60.50...if interested, type the code LEE in and go here: ticketmaster.com/event/1D00410ED25443F3?CAMEFROM=NBAKNICKS&brand=KNICKS

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