I once posted a list of the basic staples of American comedy, the gimmicks that are always used for (and seem to always get) a cheap laugh. These include (but are not limited to):

1. Monkeys
2. Midgets
3. Fat people
4. Farts and/or poop
5. The Amish
6. Men dressed as women
7. A man getting punched/kicked/shot/etc. in the nuts
8. White people attempting to act like black people
9. Old people trying to behave all young and hip
10. Some random combination of the elements listed above

Now, you get to see one or more (usually more) of these comedic devices during the typical NBA halftime show. However, one of them actually occurs -- with alarming frequency -- during the course of the game itself. Here's a hint: It's number seven. I don't know what the sport of basketball has against the man region, but ballers sure do suffer an extraordinary number of nutshots. (Or worse. Just ask Mo Williams).

In this video, for instance, Danny Granger forgets that he's not playing soccer, and that Antawn Jamison's family jewels are not, in fact, the game ball.


From the YouTube description: "Chandler gets a feel in the 'Smoky Robinson.'"


Hey, remember when Royal Ivey got suspended for an attack on Aaron Gray's meat 'n taters? Of course you don't. You probably don't even know who those guys are. But here's what happened.


Then there's that whole bizarre Reggie Evans/Chris Kaman incident...


Not even the crotches of our team mascots are safe, as Utah's Bear proves here.


And, of course, no rundown of junk assault would be complete without Bruce "The Master of Groin Disaster" Bowen. Watch BTMoGDB give Steve Nash a little [Canadian euphemism for knee in the groin].


Update! How could I forget about the time Avery Johnson cup-checked Josh Howard? Thanks for the reminder, Mr. Anonymous.


Update! Thanks to Reginald from Wasilla and the second Mr. Anonymous for reminding me of that time Chris Paul gave Julius Hodge the five-knuckeled junkblaster.

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18 Comments:
Blogger BJ said...
Anvils are no longer funny? Must've missed the memo.
-BJ

Blogger Flud said...
Nuttin' but net

Anonymous Anonymous said...
Hey, you forgot the classy Avery-accidently-hit-Josh situation in game 7 Spurs vs. Mavs...

Blogger Ray said...
It works on so many levels.

Anonymous Jai said...
So... would this be another reason to watch the NBA over the WNBA?

Anonymous Anonymous said...
You've been kicked in the nuts!

Anonymous Anonymous said...
remember that clip of the soccer player biting the other soccer players schlong while he was lying on the field celebrating a goal?

Blogger Drake said...
In the Adrian Dantley post, Barry commented, "All this ass-watching is slightly dubious." Nothing tops that like watching men getting their man regions, well, manhandled.

Can this all be foreshadowing the glorious return of the "man love" posts?

Blogger B-Will said...
Speaking of ass watching and now crotch watching, have you guys ever read this article?

http://www.kottke.org/07/03/men-look-at-crotches#

It basically shows that we guys like to check out crotches.

B-Will @
www.pickupbasketball.net

Anonymous Anonymous said...
There is also one of Chris Paul in college where is just punches a guy in the groin.

Anonymous reginald from wasilla said...
How about Chris Paul sucker punching Julius Hodge in the ACC tournament?

Blogger Five Pound Bag said...
The post is the NBA v. male genitals; what CP3 did in college is off-topic and kind of mean. Nope, to be funny the nut shot has to be unintentional, like the time my friend set up to take a charge and got a knee in the cubes for his trouble, then turned and took about three steps as though trying to outrun the pain before collapsing to the floor, his agony unrelieved until the rest of us stopped laughing long enough to go get some ice. And who was that friend? Chris Quinn.


Okay, not really, but you wouldn't know the actual guy it happened to, so imagining that Chris Quinn took a hard shot in the junk is like the next best thing.

Blogger Mintz... said...
yea sure.. getting hit in the groin is all fun and games until its you collapsing on the floor

Anonymous Anonymous said...
I got a hit in the nuts horror story for the ages. When I was around 15 years old I was at the park playing basketball when I did a no look bullet pass into the post. My teammate wasn't ready for it so it went out of bound with a crazy amount of velocity right into the crotch of some poor sap who was sitting on a bench hanging out with what I'm guessing was his girlfriend. He immediately falls to the ground shrieking and crying. I walked over to apologize and see if he was alright, when I suddenly see blood stains on his jeans around his crotch.I started freaking out asking what happened when his girlfriend yelled at me, "He just got circumcised a couple of days ago!" The guys probably alright now but I still feel guilty that I might have inadvertently ruined some young man's genitalia.

Blogger rawool said...
There's also the one by Jason Terry to Michael Finley during the NBA Playoffs.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eyLn5M8c2Gw

Anonymous Barry said...
Well drake, I certainly won't be leaving any more comments when it concerns penises and ass - it just gets worse!

I took some soccer balls to the nads in my time, as well as some cleats. Any plans of offspring in the future are highly questionable.

I found out that 'nads' stands for National Association of Disabled Supporters - wonder how that came to be :|

Blogger account seems to have stopped working :/

Anonymous vince said...
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5NaFotnvfYc
chris bosh finds two swift balls

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=53BkdXwG4hI&feature=related
chris bosh finds balls again

Blogger Samir said...
Forgot one.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eyLn5M8c2Gw

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