Ah, that crazy Shaq. On Sunday night, the Big Geritol shoveled a huge scoop of dirt on the Lakers' playoff grave by taking a few not-even-remotely subtle shots at his favorite dart board: Kobe Bryant.

Shaq was freestyle rapping at a New York city club when he dropped some classic Hack-A-Mamba lines, including "Kobe couldn't do without me," "I'm a horse, Kobe ratted me out, that's why I'm getting divorced," and the soon-to-be-really-famous "Kobe...tell me how my ass tastes" And for your viewing pleasure, here's the video (originally posted on the TMZ Web site):


Typically, Shaq is already downplaying the whole thing. As he told ESPN's Stephen A. Smith: "I was freestyling. That's all. It was all done in fun. Nothing serious whatsoever. That is what MC's do. They freestyle when called upon. I'm totally cool with Kobe. No issue at all."

Uh huh.

Look, I might be a quarter-aged cracker with no idea what the freestyle rapping world is all about, but I do know that many a truth is said in jest. And Shaq has perfected the art of playfully -- but seriously -- criticizing any and everybody he feels hasn't shown him the proper respect. And regardless of their supposed reconciliation, Kobe will forever headline the Big Revenger's list of top offenders.

So was he clowning? Yes. But does he honestly believe what he said? Probably also yes. And it's unfortunate that he has to have his fun by bringing all this stuff back up.

Kobe, for his part, has thus far remained silent. And I figure he'll stay silent until the next time the Lakers play the Suns, at which time he'll probably light Phoenix up for 40+ and ask Shaq how his ass tastes.

Update! As super pointed out, in busting on Kareem Abdul-Jabbar during his freestylin', Shaq broke Ordinance 2257 of the Big Man Pecking Order Code: No big man under should talk about a big man above. Last time I checked, Kareem is the league's all-time leading scorer and has six MVPs and six titles. So, based on his own reasoning, Shaq should do to himself what he did to Greg Ostertag all those years ago.

Fun fact: The Shaq-Kobe feud has it's own Wikipedia page. Seriously.

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16 Comments:
Blogger Super said...
Somewhere Bill Russell is really sad. Apparently Shaq's self-made big man ordinances don't apply to himself.

Blogger karma said...
This video has been blowing up all over the net in various basketball blogs/sites, and yours is obviously no different. I'm about to give my take on it on my blog soon (after I comment over here and on freedarko, hoping they've possibly covered it as well), but I just wanted to pitch in my two cents.

People ask me why I dislike Shaq, and here is the number one reason. This is a perfect display of a guy who just BEGS, I mean BEGS, for attention. Granted, he may not have known the tape was going to be shown on TMZ but common dude, if the first words coming out of your mouth in a freestyle are Kobe related, you obviously have him on your mind. The dude is insecure, and it showed right here in this video. "All in fun". Yep. "All in fun" is taking one or two potshots at someone, not dedicating 80% of your freestyle towards them. That is called actually dissing someone. And is there anyone who seriously believes Shaq didn't mean anything he said? How does my ass taste? Hey Shaq, how about we ask you how Dwayne Wade's ass tastes since you sniffed it all the way to the 2006 title (with Bennett Salvatore also sniffing Wade's ass along the way). How didd it feel when you sniffed Tim Duncan's ass in the 2008 playoffs when the Spurs knocked you out of the first round? Yeah, I thought so. You're done as a player, and you're to the league now as a player what Gary Payton was in his days as a Laker and a Heat: somewhat resourceful, but in the end, just an old guy who likes to talk alot. Your days are done, Kobe's days are just beginning. I don't know what's more hilarious, his insecurity about Kobe possibly winning a title by himself (remember, D-Wade was the lead in the 2006 title, NOT Shaq), or the fact that the Big Loser still thinks he's relevant in today's NBA.

Anonymous Anonymous said...
Shaq is a jerk. I don't care how great of a player he is, leave bygone be bygones. I thought we, as a collective in nba watching, was over this "feud" and now Shaq just has to drag it back as he was not content on watching the Lakers go to the Finals without him.

This isn't about Kobe, it's about Shaq and his insecurities. He knows he isn't going to win with Phoenix and he knows he couldn't have won those championships without Kobe or Wade. It's sad, it's pathetic, and is a huge mar against what otherwise would have been a memorable career for Shaq. Seriously, honestly, what's the point in targeting Kareem and poor Patrick Ewing?!

Blogger Something Strange said...
Hahaha, awesome :D You've probably heard him diss Vlad Divac too, that was just as hilarious.

Then again, this one might be better. Good flow too. Bwahaha :D

Anonymous flitzy said...
tell me thats not going to be the taunt at every arena all year next year...god forbid the suns/lakers game...

kobe, tell me how my ass tastes

Blogger AnacondaHL said...
That Wikipedia page just ruined my day. Thanks, internet. Thanks, Basketbawful.

Blogger spongefrob said...
Your [Shaq's] days are done, Kobe's days are just beginning.

Dude... Kobe was drafted in 1996. He's been in the league 11 years... and now his 'days are just beginning'?? Took him that long to learn the game, I guess...

Far as I'm concerned, Kobe and Shaq are exhibit A thru Z on why they ought not to let children into the league.

Anonymous Ryne Nelson said...
It's true O'Neal broke Big Man Ordinance 2257, but I think he gets a pass for being in the talons of genius.

Blogger 80's NBA said...
In all the Shaq vs. Kobe confusion, this line from the instant classic freestyle seems to have slipped past everyone:
"It's like a white boy tryin' to be more nigga than me."
This is an obvious diss at former teammate Jason Williams, but how come we aren't hearing anything about that?

In all seriousness though, how long before this circus we know as the NBA has freestyle battles and fights between players at center court as halftime entertainment. I can see Shaq and Kobe doing this...
youtube - freestyle fight
and this...
youtube - sucker punch.

The NBA...where freestyle bitch-slaps happen...

Blogger Wild Yams said...
Shaq being Shaq, I guess.

Unrelated to the video, I'm curious to know whether people think the Suns are going to be very good next year, and if they're not challenging for one of the top 4 spots in the West, will they get much press? If the Suns aren't that great next year, will Shaq get much blame the way he did this year with the Heat? I'm trying to figure out how relevant Shaq's gonna be next year, and how he'll handle it if he isn't much talked about any more.

I'm pretty much assuming Shaq will come into camp way, way out of shape and will probably be even more worthless than he was with Miami last year. If he wanted to prove something or take the Suns to the title, this year was pretty much his best shot. I wouldn't be surprised at all if Shaq's already written off Phoenix's title chances for the upcoming season and is planning on mailing it in, with a bunch of "injuries" that cause him to miss long stretches of the season, as he is prone to do.

Blogger karma said...
"Dude... Kobe was drafted in 1996. He's been in the league 11 years... and now his 'days are just beginning'?? Took him that long to learn the game, I guess..."

I realize when Kobe was drafted. By "his days are just beginning", I am referring to his potential to capture championships. This Lakers team is very young, and made it out of the West on thier first try, with a (hopefully) Bynum coming back next year. I'm expecting the Lakers to take the West again next year if healthy, and the only teams that are going to be relevant next year in the West are the Hornets and the Jazz...those are the only true title contenders left. The Spurs don't scare me, neither do the Suns. Thier window closed this year, and there's nothing that can convince me otherwise.

Kobe Bryant has a team that he can contend with for a championship for the next 3-4 years atleast, and by that time he will be 34, and while his production will obviously decline, he is still expected to be a great player. I mean, look at Kevin Garnett at 32? Shaq won a title with Wade at 34. Age doesn't factor in for the greats until around 35 or so, as we saw with Shaq, Hakeem, etc. Kobe is in contention, and he is relevant. Shaq is not...hence why he expresses his insecurities in this tape.
---------------------------
All the Shaq vs. Kobe confusion, this line from the instant classic freestyle seems to have slipped past everyone:

"It's like a white boy tryin' to be more nigga than me."

This is an obvious diss at former teammate Jason Williams, but how come we aren't hearing anything about that?
----------------------------

No it's not. He's simply just saying that a white guy can't be a nigga...hence, it's absurd that a white guy would say he's more nigga than Shaq. This whole freestyle was stupid, to say the least. "I'm a horse"....yes you are Shaq. A fat, overweight and irrelevant horse.

Blogger 80's NBA said...
karma:
This is an obvious diss at former teammate Jason Williams, but how come we aren't hearing anything about that?
----------------------------
No it's not. He's simply just saying that a white guy can't be a nigga...hence...

Dude,

You gotta lighten up. I was joking and you obviously didn't get it.

I know you are in love with Kobe, so I know you think Shaq is an ass. But Kobe is an ass too. I'll take a break from making fun of his (lack of) leadership skills right now, and give you this non-basketball example of why he sucks...
I like to call it the "payoff" - you know, when he bought that big rock for his wife after he was caught banging that ho in Colorado. That was one of the most wussy things I've ever heard of (the diamond ring part, not the banging part). He deserves to be called a pussy for the rest of his life for that one.

Blogger Wild Yams said...
I wish both of you would sit up and notice that you're exactly identical to one another just with entirely opposite viewpoints with regards to Kobe. In any event, this isn't about Kobe, it's about Shaq.

Blogger Wild Yams said...
Looks like Sheriff Shaquille is gonna have to surrender his police badges as a result of his freestyle rap attack:

Associated Press
PHOENIX -- Shaquille O'Neal will lose his special deputy's badge in Maricopa County because of language he used in a rap video that mocks former teammate Kobe Bryant.

Maricopa County Sheriff Joe Arpaio said the Phoenix Suns center's use of a racially derogatory word and other foul language left him no choice. Arpaio made Shaq a special deputy in January and promoted him to colonel of his largely ceremonial posse earlier this month.

"I want his two badges back," Arpaio told The Associated Press on Tuesday. "Because if any one of my deputies did something like this, they're fired. I don't condone this type of racial conduct." LINK


I guess we can all now expect some ridiculous tirade from Shaq about how the Phoenix police are douchebags or something. Anyone doubt they'll get the same treatment Riley got?

Blogger karma said...
I know you are in love with Kobe, so I know you think Shaq is an ass. But Kobe is an ass too. I'll take a break from making fun of his (lack of) leadership skills right now, and give you this non-basketball example of why he sucks...
I like to call it the "payoff" - you know, when he bought that big rock for his wife after he was caught banging that ho in Colorado. That was one of the most wussy things I've ever heard of (the diamond ring part, not the banging part). He deserves to be called a pussy for the rest of his life for that one."


Kobe Bryant is my favourite player yes, but you are a perfect example of someone that consciously or unconsciously mixes his on and off court personalities and combines them to justify your view of Kobe Bryant as a whole. You gave me a non-basketball reason that he "sucks", which was because he bought his wife a 4 million dollar ring.

The thing that I find funny is that people choose to believe whatever they want to believe regarding Kobe, and the notion that he bought this "payoff" ring is a perfect example. People will hate him regardless of what he does, and obviously I can't change that, but I do hope that people find some FACTUAL basis to hate him on, instead of running with something they just heard on ESPN.

My point is: Kobe Bryant had ordered that ring for Vanessa TWO WEEKS PRIOR (read it: http://www.people.com/people/article/0,,626534,00.html) to Colorado. Yes, he gave it to her 3 days following his charge, but people will simply run with what generates the most attention. In this case, Kobe was trying to buy back his wife. Of course. Kobe couldn't have possibly pre-ordered because you know...he's a rapist/cheater who needs to buy all his women.

It's viewpoints like those that make me like Kobe Bryant even more. Some of the people that dislike him, do so for absolutely no reason. Your reason for why he "sucks", sucks in itself. Better find another reason to dislike him....although I'm sure you have plenty.

Blogger 80's NBA said...
karma:
Kobe Bryant is my favourite player yes, but you are a perfect example of someone that consciously or unconsciously mixes his on and off court personalities and combines them to justify your view of Kobe Bryant as a whole. You gave me a non-basketball reason that he "sucks", which was because he bought his wife a 4 million dollar ring.

The thing that I find funny is that people choose to believe whatever they want to believe regarding Kobe, and the notion that he bought this "payoff" ring is a perfect example. People will hate him regardless of what he does, and obviously I can't change that, but I do hope that people find some FACTUAL basis to hate him on, instead of running with something they just heard on ESPN.

My point is: Kobe Bryant had ordered that ring for Vanessa TWO WEEKS PRIOR (read it: http://www.people.com/people/article/0,,626534,00.html) to Colorado. Yes, he gave it to her 3 days following his charge, but people will simply run with what generates the most attention. In this case, Kobe was trying to buy back his wife. Of course. Kobe couldn't have possibly pre-ordered because you know...he's a rapist/cheater who needs to buy all his women.

It's viewpoints like those that make me like Kobe Bryant even more. Some of the people that dislike him, do so for absolutely no reason. Your reason for why he "sucks", sucks in itself. Better find another reason to dislike him....although I'm sure you have plenty.


Hey, I can't argue with People Magazine.

Here's the thing: I had a beef with Kobe (pun not intended) from Day 1 when he came into the league out of high school and he refused to play for anyone else but the Lakers. If he was going to be the All World Player he thought he was ultimately going to be, how come he didn't report to Charlotte and turn that franchise into a contender? Now, after all these years, the only championships he has are ones where he had Shaq (the dominant Big Man of his era) with him. So much for being the All World Leader he so wanted (wants) to be.

And just for the record, I never believed for one second that he raped that girl in Colorado. She knew exactly what she was doing.

One last thing. This blog is about the worst of the league and poking fun of stuff. It's not an ass-kiss blog. Growing up, I loved watching Magic Johnson and Larry Bird play. But I can still make fun of those guys. Did you know Bird has a daughter he never talks to, or very rarely acknowledges (as reported in Sports Illustrated, Sept. 4, 1998)? I think that's really "scumbag" of him if it's true. So I will make fun of just about anyone here. It's just that Kobe is a very easy (and fun) target.

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