Derrick Rose: This is a story of a non-pick. Everyone knows the Bulls don't need another guard and have plenty of need for an inside scorer. But the fact that Michael Beasley is the same height as Marcus Fizer and is a bit too flaky to fit Paxson's humble, hard-working, overachiever mold was enough to scare them off. The inevitable trade in the next months will determine how successful this pick was, but Rose will follow the long tradition of successful Chicago natives to play for the Bulls (see: Dave Corzine, Craig Hodges, Eddy Curry, AJ Guyton, Randy Brown). Bulls expect: Jason Kidd. Statbuster expects: A poor man's Gary Payton.

Michael Beasley: In one respect the Bulls had a legit beef with Beasley; he has the makings of a defensive liability in the pros. On top of being a shade too short for the 4, he's an average shot blocker for someone as athletic as he is. But that won't matter in Miami. Remember, Mark Blount starts for them. The Heat expect: Shawn Kemp. Statbuster expects: Antawn Jamison.

OJ Mayo: I'm beginning to wonder why the Wolves are stockpiling guards (they drafted Randy Foye, Rashad McCants and Corey Brewer the last three years). Are they preparing for a shooting guard famine of some sort? By mid-season, when Minnesota has 30 losses and OJ is backing up Marko Jaric, he will no longer deserve a cool nickname. OJ will be known here as Ovinton the Turnover-Prone Jump Shooter. (Edit: OJ drove his white Ford Bronco to Memphis for Kevin Love, but the Wolves also took on Brian Cardinal and Jason Collins. Apparently the Wolves are hoarding slow-moving stiffs with horrible contracts as well.) The Wolves Expect: Mitch Richmond. Statbuster expects: Harold Miner went to USC. I'm just sayin'.

Russell Westbrook: The fourth pick overall is too high for a 6'3" player with 12 ppg and shaky PG skills, regardless of whatever is in your shoes. If he proves to be a passable defender at SG, Kevin Durant will be able to move back to his natural position at SF, and Jeff Green can move back to his natural position at the end of the bench. The team formerly known as the Sonics expect: Monta Ellis. Statbuster expects: Juan Dixon.

Kevin Love: Kevin Love one-ups most other big men in the draft with his ability to pass and step out and hit the 3. And he is the master of the 94-foot chest pass. Love looks to be an All-Rookie First-Teamer if he can keep his chronic fatness under control. Which is no small task when you have a place like Corky's Ribs right down the street. (Edit: Kevin Love went to Minnesota for OJ Mayo and Antoine Walker. Expect them both to start next season. That should be awesome.) The Grizzlies Expect: Derrick Coleman. Statbuster expects: In true Grizzlies fashion, the rest of their roster will be culled to reduce payroll.

Danilo Gallinari: Judging by the way he was booed on draft night, Gallinari may be the most hated Italian since Benito Mussolini or Chef Boyardee. Or maybe the Isiah Era has taught Knicks fans to instinctively boo anything the team does. If he can find a way to shoot over 35%, he's a lock to steal Quentin Richardson's PT. The Knicks expect: Hedo Turkoglu. Statbuster expects: to get a lot of mileage out of that Big Cock nickname.

Eric Gordon: Eric Gordon worries me. First of all, he looks too much like Emmanuel Lewis. Plus he went to a Big Ten school, which also has implications. Not to mention he is an undersized SG that isn't much of a ball hander and only shot 43% from the field and had a 0.7 assist/turnover ratio. Some people point to the wrist injury he had late in the season, but that is just too much suckage to ignore. The Clippers expect: Hersey Hawkins. Statbuster expects: Fred Jones.

DJ Augustin: The Bobcats drafting another PG probably indicates the Raymond Felton experiment is coming to a close. DJ is a better shooter than Felton, but he suffers from short man's disease at 5'11". The list of PGs under 6'0" that made an impact in the pros is not as long as you think (Calvin Murphy, Terrell Brandon, Michael Adams, and, um..). They'll wish they took Brook Lopez when Nazr Mohammed is still clocking 30 minutes a night. The Bobcats expect: A low-budget Steve Nash. Statbuster expects: Travis Best.

Also worth mentioning...

Portland Tradeblazers 2K8: Turned the 13th into a top lottery pick (by trading Brandon Rush for Jerryd Bayless, who was projected top-five) and the 24th pick into a lottery pick (by trading for Darrell Arthur, a projected lottery guy, who they then traded to Houston) and then escaped the 2nd round with 4 future picks! Not to mention they unloaded Jarrett Jack in the process. Portland is overflowing with loot they've pillaged from inept GMs over the years. Kevin Pritchard is a genius, and I kind of hate him.

Darrell Arthur: The Kansas guys (the other being Mario Chalmers, who went in the 2nd round to Miami) will be the steals of the draft. Darrell Arthur eventually ended up in Houston, but he was in the green room for an painful length of time when a kidney ailment almost caused him to slip from the lottery to the second round. Teams were selecting Big Ten centers and 18 year old foreigners with no intent to play in the NBA while Arthur wept softly and filled out his NBDL application.

Brook and Robin Lopez: Twin 7-footers from Stanford sounds suspiciously familiar. Brook is a little better than that, but my bet is that Robin (the one with the Joakim Noah hair) will become Jarron.

Joe Alexander: Joe speaks fluent Chinese, so apparently he was drafted to help lift Yi Jianlian out of his hopeless depression. That is, until Yi was dealt to NJ for Richard Jefferson. Which means Joe will take Yi's spot on the team as the token Asian guy. Until people realize that Joe isn't Asian, which may take until mid-January. It is Milwaukee, after all.

Labels:

20 Comments:
Anonymous Anonymous said...
When you you present the 2007-2008 Worsties?

My breath? Bated.

Blogger Tim said...
I think Memphis made a huge mistake trading away Kevin Love. Gay-Love would have been a potent duo.

Blogger Basketbawful said...
anonymous -- I plan to start on the Worsties next week. I'm actually going to make it open to contributions from readers and other bloggers. I just wanted to get past the draft first.

tim -- Sadly, the NBA was not ready for Gay-Love.

Anonymous Simas said...
Why did they boo at Gallinari? I dont get it

Anonymous Anonymous said...
My question is: was Stern scared when he shook hands with Bigfoot? (cover photo)

Are Yeti permitted to play in the NBA, and if so, how can their age be legally verified?

Anonymous Farfa said...
Mark my words: Danilo Gallinari will be a tough challenge for Michael Beasley for Rookie of the Year. I know, these are bold words, but still.

If Mike D knows what he's doing, Gallinari will be a borderline-star starter in the 2011 NYK Eastern Conference Champs.

Now I just expect Walsh to trade Crawford for Bargnani and Kapono and Nate Robinson for Belinelli.

Ugh, nationalism got the best of me.

Blogger AnacondaHL said...
tim, that just made my day so hard. Wait that's worded awkwardly...

Blogger Trev said...
An unofficial transcript of what was going through Darrell Arthurs head last night.


So I lost millions of dollars by falling from the lottery to 27th pick at least I'm teammates with CP3 and they where only 1 win away from the conference finals right? Plus I get to party in New Orleans...what? Traded? Greg Oden, Brandon Roy, Aldridge thats just as awesome!!!...Huh?!?! McGrady and Yao won't be so bad I guess and maybe I can help get them out of the first rou...WHAT?!?!?! Memphis!?!?!? FUCK ME!!!

Anonymous Jonny Drama said...
At least Darrell Arthur will get to enjoy some quality Memphis BBQ ribs.

Blogger mrm3x1can said...
oh damn, i hadnt even thought of that gay-love thing til now! that would have been epic

Blogger 80's NBA said...
After seeing Sideshow Bob get drafted and put on that hat, I absolutely knew some variation of it would be your main photo for your draft coverage. Nice choice.

Anonymous Anonymous said...
I don't know exactly how much of an impact is needed to qualify, but surely Muggsy Bogues deserves a mention.

Anonymous concerned reader said...
Basketbawful, did you notice this?

You, on OJ Mayo on Wednesday- "People say he's very strong and has an "NBA-ready body" (I assume this means he's capable of fathering multiple children with several different women)."

Simmons, On OJ Mayo last night - "Minnesota takes Ovinton J'Anthony Mayo at No. 3 as Bilas tells us Mayo is "NBA-ready." You mean, from a fertility standpoint?"

Coincidence?

Anonymous Anonymous said...
The least of Charlotte's worries is whether Mohammed is clocking up 30min a night. Mainly because he now plays for a different team, and has been traded TWICE since playing for Bobcats.

Idiot...

Anonymous Sun Devil said...
Damn it feels good to be a blazer (fan)

Also, the following should be mentioned for worsties:

-Jason Kidd trade
-Kobes PT during the allstar game
-Chris Webber goes out in style
-Constant shots of Brian Scalabrine on the Boston bench (seriously I counted 5 in a game once and they weren't even talking about him)
-The sweet D-league allstar team on Miami
-And of course, the amazing trade to appease King James

Blogger Torrance East said...
You have a typo: Jeff Green not Kevin Green.

Kevin Greene was the linebacker.

Anonymous Hoffman said...
Matt,

It's 9:30 AM. I'm starting to get the Basketbawful withdrawal shakes...

Anonymous caseta said...
Wait. That picture is confusing. I thought Varejao was already drafted and playing with the Cavs.

Or is that Joakim Noah ?!

These 3 should be put in a ring (perhaps together with a few others like Ben Wallace) and whoever is left standing gets to keep his hair. The others get a shaved head (or, in case of Ben The Corpse Wallace, a casket).

Blogger Basketbawful said...
torrance -- I'll look into that.

hoffman -- Er, sorry. Dentist's appointment. I've got sumthin' up fer ya now, though.

caseta -- I think they should be put in a box and fired into space, myself. Is that just me?

Anonymous caseta said...
I may be biased cause Noah is playing for the Bulls, but because he was the only one (including players, coaches and GM) to stand up to Ben Wallace and call him out for not giving a crap on the court, I'd give him a chance.

Plus him, Tyrus and Thabo were the only players I could stand on the Bulls. I've had it especially with Hinrich's dumbass and Deng's soft ass. But put Nocioni in Noah's place and I'm all for it.

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