stuck-001

DeSagana Diop: The Man The Mavericks Should Not Have Given Up had yet another sucksational game last night: Zero points (0-for-0), 3 rebounds, 1 blocked shot, and 5 fouls in 9 minutes of lack-tion. For the record, those are Greg Kite-like numbers.

Vince Carter: Half-Man, Half-I-Hate-Physical-Contact led the Nets with 26 points, but it took him 23 shots to get there. And according to the shot chart, 18 of those attempts were jumpers...seven of which were catapulted from at least 27 feet out. I'll give him a mulligan on the 42-footer he launched at the end of the second quarter, but that doesn't change the fact that he's not even trying to take it to the rim anymore.

Sacramento Kings: Well, it had to happen at some point. Some unlucky team was going to hand the Miami Heat their 10th win of the season, and that unlucky team was the Kings. And they did it in truly craptacular fashion, scoring 11 points in the third quarter on 2-for-20 shooting en route to a 21-point blowout.

Ron Artest: If you haven't already read about Ron Artest's soon-to-be-famous "They were trying to get government cheese, and I'm Kraft" quote, you have now. Now that Mike Bibby is out of the picture, Artest finally has the chance to be the Big Cheese in Sacramento. But last night, he was just the Big Cheez Whiz, shooting 3-for-14 and getting lit up on defense.

Pat Riley: I know it's been a long time between wins, but that doesn't really explain the following post-game quote from Riles: "I feel like a mosquito in a nudist colony. I know what to do. I just don’t know where to start." And I feel like a dog in a backyard trying to decide whether or not to eat my own poop.

The Cleveland Cavaliers' end-of-game defense: LeBron James hit a layup with 5.9 seconds left, after which the Bucks inbounded to Michael Redd, who drove unmolested down the length of the court before hitting the game-winning shot at the buzzer over the outstretched hands of Wally Szczerbiak. Said LeBron: "There's nothing you can do about that. The guy made a 35-footer fading away." Well, first of all, it was a 27-footer, and second of all...nothing you can do about it?! There were less than 6 seconds left in the game. They knew Redd would have to take the ball at least 70 feet and take a quick shot, so why not double-team him or use a full-court press to get the ball out of his hands. Why give the opposing team's best player a chance to win the game?

Wally Szczerbiak: Not only did he get immortalized in Redd's poster, Wally World shot 5-for-18 from the field. You know, when the Cavs acquired him to fill Larry Hughes shooter/scorer role, they didn't intend for him to actually shoot like Larry Hughes. How's that PER comparison looking now, Mr. Hollinger?

Yi Jianlian: Haven't heard Yi's name in the highlights lately? There's a reason for that. He sucks. Last night Yao's heir scored 2 points (0-for-1) in 15 minutes of off-the-bench lack-tion. Kwame Brown and Andrea Bargnani had better look out...Yi is starting to eye the "Worst Draft Pick Ever" crown.

ESPN's NBA Playlist: Can you find Waldo in ESPN's playlist of videos from last night's NBA action? Here, let me help you...

ESPN playlist

Raja Bell: On a night in which his team shot almost 60 percent from the field, Raja missed all his two-point field goal attempts and hit only 3-for-12 overall. Didn't Shaq say he was going to make Raja the best shooter in the league? He's only 8-for-29 in the four games he's played with the Big Cactus.

Kwame Brown: From starting center to DNP-CD in just one game.

Marc Iavaroni: After his Grizzlies got caught in the Suns' bear trap, the former Phoenix assistant said: "I think they were just trying to outscore us." There's some crack analysis, huh? First off, it's the Phoenix Suns. Secondly, isn't the goal of every basketball game to outscore your opponents? Just checking, but I'm pretty sure that's the case.

Utah Jazz: There is no excuse whatsoever for a Western Conference playoff contender and division leader to lose to the Minnesota Timberwolves. For today, I am ashamed to be a Jazz fan.

Antoine Walker: You'll notice he hasn't been on the Minnesota roster for a few games. That's because Fatoine wants the T-Wolves to buy him out so he can go get more playing time for a contender. You might be tempted to think that last sentence was the result of all the glue I sniffed this morning, but I promise you that it's the God's honest truth.

Fickle Fate: Yao Ming, injured again, this time with a stress fracture in his left foot. It's not easy being a giant, it just isn't. And it looks like Yao may require surgery to implant a couple screws in his foot to hold the bones together. I'm guessing that wouldn't do a lot to improve his already limited mobility. I can't tell you how much Yao's injury saddens and disappoints me.

The Washington Wizards: The Wiz scored a franchise-low 23 points in the first half, shot 31 percent for the game, and received a 94-69 spanking from the now Yao-less Rockets. Remember all those "They're playing so well without Gilbert Arenas" stories? Man, that seems like a long time ago.

DeShawn Stevenson: The Locksmith followed up his first-ever game-winning shot with an ugly 5-point, 2-for-12 performance. I guess he celebrated a little too hard the night before.

Dikembe Mutombo: The ancient center had this to say after starting in place of the injured Yao: "I believe I set the tempo early and everybody just followed." Now, don't get me wrong, because Mount Mutombo played pretty well for an old guy. But well past the point of setting tempo, unless it's for a funeral march. Edit: Oops. I was wrong. He really did set the tempo.

Seattle SuperSonics: It's not so much that they lost -- I stopped expecting anything out of the Sonics months ago -- it's that they let Austin Croshere beat them (14 points, 6-for-6 shooting, all in the second half). You can never trust a team that gets beaten by Austin Croshere.

Al Harrington: He scored 5 points on 2-for-9 shooting last night. That's not his worst game of the season, but it is a reminder that the Harrington-for-Dunleavy Jr. swap has -- so far -- been a bigger benefit for the Pacers than the Warriors. And that's bad.

Kelenna Azubuike: This second-year man out of London, England was last night's one trillion award winner. Congratulations, Kelenna!

Derek Fisher: Fish was a big part of the Lakers' resurgence earlier this season, but he's been The Forgotten Man in L.A.'s offense since the Pau Gasol trade. And last night's 2-point performance was the first game this season he failed to hit a single field goal (0-for-4).

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35 Comments:
Anonymous Anonymous said...
The Cavs did press full-court, although admittedly it wasn't the most organized press, and Redd shot a fade-away 27-footer with a hand in his face. Sometimes guys just make shots.

Anonymous greg said...
The Wizards were doing decently until Butler got injured. They need him back. So does my fantasy team.

Blogger Basketbawful said...
anonymous -- I linked to the video. Their full-court D, if that's what it was, was [Bill Walton Alert!] just terrible. Redd had no trouble dribbling around the Cavalier "defenders" and getting his shot off. He was not pursued as aggressively as he should have been in that kind of situation. He only had 5 seconds to do all that! This wasn't just a "he made a tough shot" situations. The Cavs defense failed. One double-team would have forced Redd to pass the ball off to someone else.

greg -- True enough. The Wiz withstood the loss of Agent Zero better than the loss of Butler. Or maybe it's just the fact that they're both out...

Blogger Ed said...
You neglected to mention Luke Walton's craperrific game: 21 minutes, 2 points, 1 reb.

Anonymous Anonymous said...
harrington is really inconsistent on the offensive end, but without him they would not have been able to get past dirk and the mavs last year...

Blogger Basketbawful said...
ed -- Luke Walton's still a Laker?! I haven't noticed that guy in months.

Blogger Basketbawful said...
This comment has been removed by the author.

Blogger anne said...
Upon reading today's Worst of the Night, I realized the other day that I commented that I was going to torch Mark Cuban's house if the Mavs lost to the Bucks. Well, uh, they played the Timberwolves. I guess the problem is that I can't tell the difference between most crappy teams. I just sort of tune them out even if they are playing a team I like (Mavs/Suns). For example, I forget the Clippers and the Pacers even exist unless someone gets arrested or something.

Matt- I only realized that Luke Walton played for the Lakers when there was a rumor going around he was boning Lindsay Lohan. In all fairness to Walton, it is probably difficult to shoot when your crotch is burning with several STD's.

Blogger Basketbawful said...
anne -- You know what's extra super funny about all that? I remember that comment you left, and I thought at the time, "The Mavs are playing the Bucks? Huh, I didn't know that. Oh well. All these crappy teams are all the same, anyway..."

Also, I thought Walton was supposed to be boning Britney? But, again, all these STD'd up skanks are the same anyway...

Blogger flohtingPoint said...
Chalk up a third straight 40-50 game season for The Big Osteoporosis, Yao. Dikembe finger waggles for anyone who is the least bit surprised about Ming being injured.

Blogger Wild Yams said...
No list of people that Luke Walton might be boning is complete without Richard Jefferson's name being on it.

Blogger flohtingPoint said...
http://www.chinadaily.com.cn/sports/2006-12/26/xin_541203260920568296073.jpg

For the photoshop hungry, there is a "Yo"/"Ow!" (instead of "Yao") joke in that picture dying to come out. I only have MS Paint available at work or I'd have done it for my letter to China on Horsetoothed.

Blogger flohtingPoint said...
This comment has been removed by the author.

Blogger Justin said...
I'm sorry: I thought you said the Pacers/Warriors trade went better for the Pacers. Could you speak up? Let's examine.

The Warriors went from an under-performing, perennial loser to a playoff team in four months.

In those same four months, the Pacers went from a perennial playoff team to a bottom-dwelling shit-eater.

The Pacers aren't in the playoff seeding right now...IN THE EAST. That puts them in the company of Atlanta, Chicago, the Bobbies, the Knicks, and the Heat. The Warriors are the eighth seed in a ridiculously competitive West.

Watch Murphy & Dunleavy play defense one day and this will all become clear. Until then, your analysis was truly basketbawful

Blogger anne said...
Matt - oh goddamnit!! I just googled it and you have the correct skank. I swear, I think my choice of blogger avatar is making ME drunk by association.

Blogger Basketbawful said...
justin -- I didn't say the trade in total went to the Pacers. Only the Harrington/Dunleavy swap (since their contracts were the closest in value within the parameters of the trade). The fact is, Dunleavy's playing better for the Pacers right now than Harrington is for the Warriors. And last season, Nellie jerked him in and out of the lineup like a kid who got caught eating cat food. I'm not talking about team success, because more goes into that than what any one player does (just ask Kobe). But Mike's scoring more and, more importantly, shooting better on a lesser team.

Blogger Justin said...
Basketbawful: Dunleavy probably shot better in Oaktown than Harrington did last year too; Li'l Dun's stats have never looked bad. His defense is almost as embarrassing as his hair last season.

And let me admit one more thing. No Warrior fan can talk rationally about Mike Dunleavy. I admit this. But he's a pariah in Oakland and we would've taken Darko and Jason Collins for him.

Blogger Basketbawful said...
justin -- Nobody understand irrational hatred of a player better than I do. And I agree that Dunleavy totally blew chunks in Golden State. However, I felt then - and I still feel this way - that he was utilized incorrectly by the Warriors, and especially by Don Nelson after his return to coaching. I've watched Dunleavy a lot this season with the Pacers. He's a smart, fundamentally sound basketball player. I honestly think he just needed the right environment and the right coaching. Harrington, on the other hand, is Al Harrington no matter where he is or where he goes. I just don't think Al is a smart ballplayer. Maybe I'm wrong; I don't get to watch as many Golden State games as I'd like.

Blogger Justin said...
Al's got a bit of Drew Gooden in him: some games, he's marvelous, aggressive, and gritty. Then there's the excremental suckgasms like last night. But the thing I like about him is he leaves it on the floor, he comes to play, he Ds up, and he never bitches. Dunleavy? He was a blamer. It was never his fault. He's a coach's son, plain and simple: entitled and overrated.

Oh. And, since I know you love the hate: Pietrus is the new Warrior flaming-poo-bag. He leads the league in "stepping out of bounds before driving for no discernible reason."

Blogger Basketbawful said...
justin -- Yeah, I seem to remember (though nothing specific offhand) Dunleavy saying some stupid things and having a few on-court outbursts in Golden State. I haven't seen anything remotely like that since he's been a Pacer. Maybe he grew up? Maybe he's afraid that he'll start melting after he retires, like Larry Bird is currently doing. I dunno.

And I'm not trying to get down on Al, either. I like him. I hated it when the Pacers traded him to the Warriors...especially since they had spent all of the previous summer trying to get him back. He's all the things you describe, but I was never thrilled by his basketball IQ, nor his constant gripes about not getting enough shot attempts while he was Indiana.

Is Pietrus really taking lumps out there? I'm gonna have to look into this...

P.S. You know, I really don't love the hate. I just like to make fun. I keed, I keed...I would prefer to maintain a sense of the whimsical. The NBA is just one big comic crama, and I'd like to make it more comedy than drama.

Anonymous Brian said...
Raja Bell's shooting percentage has indeed been pretty bad lately... but you failed to mention that the only shots he *did* make last night came at a crucial time with the game still in the balance. He kinda played a big part in saving Phoenix from a rather embarassing loss.

Bell did in fact nail three shots from behind the arc late in the fourth that took a three-point lead to out of reach. And, just as importantly, he switched over to guard and slow down Mike Conley after the 20-year-old was, ahem, torching Nash for awhile.

Blogger David said...
That was pretty sucky by Bell, but the shots he hit in the fourth were pretty clutch. Speaking of the Suns, you know what should make your list every day? Their defense. I didn't think it was going to be THAT bad with Shaq...

BTW, do you use Photoshop for those sweet text bubbles?

Blogger flohtingPoint said...
he NBA is just one big comic crama, and I'd like to make it more comedy than drama.

Oddly enough, you're not the only person to use the phrase "comic crama". I'd say it'll soon be the new catch phrase used by all the hip kidsters!

http://dvd.bigpondmovies.com/dvd/12534/The+Last+Detail

Blogger Justin said...
Pietrus takes his lumps from some while others bemoan his lack of playing time. The latter are the bums in the Tenderloin who haven't washed their hands since 1890.

What I didn't know was that Al was a moaner in Indy. Maybe the trade was good for everyone, because out here, he's dealt with wildly inconsistent minutes, coming off the bench, guarding Yao, you name it, and he's been a good soldier. Not my favorite Warrior by any stretch of the imagination, but he's essential, mainly because we don't have that many good players.

Oh, and, since we've got a dialog going, the Warriors' whipping boy can't be Pietrus while Webber is in town, whose two rebound, one block barnburner was his sixth sucktastic game out of seven so far. Thanks for coming back Chris. We missed you.

Blogger Basketbawful said...
brian -- Yes, Raja did indeed hit some clutch shots down the stretch. That doesn't change, in my mind, the fact that his 0-for-9 stretch hurt the Suns in various ways (such as spacing, for one) before he started to hit. Unfortunately, I didn't see much of the game last night, so I can't comment with knowledge or conviction regarding Nash's defense on Conley.

david -- Again, it is true that Bell hit some big shots. I probably should have mentioned that. My bad. Send me an email at our Yahoo email address and I'll tell you about the text bubbles.

flohtingpoint -- I wish I could claim that "crama" was anything other than a typo. How the hell did you find the other "crama"? I'm hoping you just did a random Internet search...

Blogger Basketbawful said...
This comment has been removed by the author.

Blogger Basketbawful said...
justin -- Yeah, Al always wanted to be The Man in Indy. He never really understood why the offense wasn't centered around him. Then, when he came back, he said his goal was to be a 20/10 guy, but there just weren't enough shots to go around...especially in Rick Carlisle's "Slow it down and give it to Jermaine" offense.

The Webber Experiment is a sad disaster. Didn't Mullin and Nellie see how he played in Detroit last year? He barely had anything left then. Did they really think he was going toh ave anything left a year and no professional basketball played later? Seriously??

Anonymous Don Paco said...
Off-topic, I guess, but - regarding the DeSagana Diop situation, I'd like to proposemay I suggest the Meadowlands Big Man Poison Theory?

It seems every big man the Nets get turns to crap the second he gets there, and flourishes as soon as he leaves the swamp.

You had Alonzo: useless in Jersey, thrived in Miami.

Deke: rubbish in the swamp, half-useful in Houston.

Aaron Williams: crap in NJ, as soon as he got to Toronto... Well, he was crap there too.

Still. If Jamal Magloire and Jason Collins (both deserve WoTN Hall of Fame consideration for their time with the Nets) somehow turn into half-decent players with their new teams, I say that's proof there's something in the Meadowlands that turns centers into mush. Maybe it's the proximity to Vince Carter.

Blogger Basketbawful said...
don paco -- I am sincerely shocked...shocked I tell you...that you didn't once mention Derrick Coleman, just on principle.

Anonymous Chiwang said...
thanks for being honest with your edits :P

Anonymous simon said...
The Meadowlands Big Man Poison Theory? Is that the explanation for Kenyon Martin and Mikki Moore's contracts?

Blogger flohtingPoint said...
flohtingpoint -- I wish I could claim that "crama" was anything other than a typo. How the hell did you find the other "crama"? I'm hoping you just did a random Internet search...

Yea, pretty much. Typed "comic crama" in google and took a nap while I waited for my packets to nudge their way through my congested bandwidth at work.

Blogger Thoracic Outlet said...
i loved the part in the dikembe/rockets video , about 1:00 into it where he ignites the fast break with a rejection...then they score at the other end of the court and hes still standing in the same spot

Blogger Basketbawful said...
chiwang -- Hey, I don't mind telling you people I make mistakes all the time. I was wrong about Mutombo. And I was taught to respect my elders, you know?

simon -- "Stupid" is the explanation for those contracts.

flohtingpoint -- I'm guessing you had a good nap, then.

thoracic outlet -- Hey, Rick Adeleman named Deke all-time defense. He only gets in the way on offense, anyway.

Anonymous Don Paco said...
@BBawful: yeah, Coleman is another one.

I also forgot Marc "not Mark" Jackson, who was the Jamal Magloire of a couple of years ago: hired for the midlevel, presented as yet another savior of the Nets backcourt, only to be dumped after half a season riding pine.

Evidently, Jackson immediately signed with the Hornets, where he became a half-decent contributor.

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