Gatorade splashThanks to sites like Attu Sees All, Fazed, Linkapalooza, Stumble Upon, and Unique Daily, we've had over 10,000 hits on our Gatorade Conspiracy post. Consequently, we've also gotten a lot of comments and e-mail responses. Some of you laughed, some of you cried, and some of you just made rude statements about the quality and/or gender of the people we have sex with. Thank you, everyone. We plan to send each and every one of you a nice fruit basket and some Strawberry Shortcake stickers.

Having worked for my
high school and college newspapers, I know a little something about journalistic standards, and so all the "Fuck you" and "You're gay" e-mails made me realize something: I presented only one side of the story. It was my own biased side, and, honestly, I was okay with that. But, as any other good journalist would do, I decided to dig a little deeper in order to present the Counterpoint to my Point.

The first step was obvious: contact Gatorade Customer Service. I sent them an e-mail that, in effect, said "Your bottle looks like a giant penis. Please change it." This was Gatorade's response:

"We are glad to hear that you truly enjoy Gatorade and that nothing rehydrates you better. But we are disappointed that you found our packaging unsatisfactory. When developing product packages, numerous designs are considered. There are many factors involved in producing containers which function easily and best protect the product. The final selection is made on the basis of convenience, product safety and cost. Your comments and point of view have been shared with management. They are appreciated and will be considered in reviewing packaging in the future."
Gatorade guyI'm still trying to figure out whether they actually read my e-mail or just sent back some kind of form letter. I think all that "We're glad Gatorade rehydrates you" stuff was their way of screwing with me. And listen up, Gatorade people, I don't find your packaging unsatisfactory. I find it looks like a giant, fruit-flavored schlong. Maybe if you weren't so busy blowing smoke up my ass, you could comment on that. And I sincerely doubt my viewpoint will be considered the next time Gatorade designs a bottle. Of course, I'll take that back if they ever release a drink dispenser shaped like Gwen Stefani's luscious breasts.

After Gatorade gave me the brush off, I wasn't sure what else I could do. Then I discovered that
Darren Rovell, ESPN.com's sports business reporter, runs a Gatorade blog. The blog is advertised as "An Unauthorized Look At One Of America's Most Dominant Brands." Darren even wrote an entire book about Gatorade. Personally, I think Darren and his Gatorade need to go get a room or something. But if anyone would know whether Gatorade is trying to force giant penises into the unsuspecting mouths of the sports drink drinking public, it would be him.

But what's this?! Before I could even contact Rovell, he made "first contact" by mentioning our post on his blog! Here was what he had to say:

"Over the past couple weeks, I've received two letters asking me if I thought that Gatorade's bottles were purposely phallic. I thought this was ridiculous. Gatorade's bottles are built the way they are because of the fact that the plastic has to hold up under extremely high heat without being permanently warped. The E.D.G.E. ergonomic bottle is made so that it can be optimally gripped. Not to mention the fact that, considering the majority of Gatorade's bottles are purchased by men and boys, it isn't too beneficial to intentionally shape your product like a piece of male anatomy. I'm not going to go into the graphic details that this site Basketbawful goes into, but I'll link it up here since I only expect this will spread around the Web more and, as with every Gatorade story, I like it to have some presence here."
I admit to getting a little tingly about making it on the personal Web site of a guy who works for ESPN.com. Of course, that thrill was diminished by the fact that he called my theory "ridiculous." I don't really buy into his explanations, either. The bottle is shaped like a cock because of the heating process it's made with? Whaaaa?! So he's basically saying that it's physically impossible for Gatorade bottles not to look like a penis. I'm not a bottle-making scientist, or even what you would call "of average intelligence," but I'm pretty sure physics doesn't work that way. If that were the case, wouldn't all plastic bottles have contoured, penis-shaped tops?

His other two anti-conspiracy explanations actually play right into my hands. He contends that 1. Gatorade bottles are designed for maximum grippability, and 2. the primary target audience of Gatorade consists of men and boys (who, obviously, don't want to suck sports drink out of a simulated wang). But think about it. What single object do all men and boys spend most of their time gripping? That's right. The penis. Anybody who's gone through puberty can tell you that. So it stands to reason that, the phallic shape is the perfect design for optimum gripping. And it's already familiar, so guys aren't going to go around spilling their Gatorade.

I'm sorry Gatorade and Darren. I still think there's something fishy in the state of Denmark. After all, television and movies have proven that you can never trust rich mega-corporations. And anybody who keeps a special diary about his favorite sports drink is certifiably (and perhaps dangerously) insane. But that's okay. I don't really want to know the truth. It's funnier that way.

Coming Soon: Responses to the comments and e-mails about The Gatorade Conspiracy.
179 Comments:
Anonymous Anonymous said...
1 retarded post wasn't enough?
your cock seriously get real small at the tip.. oh no you just ignore the actual shape to make your stupid point so 13 year olds, or those who never grew out of the "hehehe penis=funny" stage can sit and laugh
real comedic genius
maybe you can do the same article again with powerade, all-sport, juicy juice, just about every other bottle ever...

Anonymous Anonymous said...
I can't believe that last retard got so worked up over this article. It served it's purpose perfectly. Heh. ;)

Anonymous Anonymous said...
I always get a kick out of people taking stuff too seriously :D

Anonymous Anonymous said...
This is great. I really think you need to dig deeper into the ESPN guy. maybe he doesn't want to look like a screaming homo? maybe he is on Gatorade's payroll? I dunno. Keep it up you will find the truth!

Blogger Statbuster said...
I'm still waiting for someone to get the real story on the banana. C'mon people, it's not even subtle!

Anonymous Anonymous said...
I just had to leave a comment for the stupid asses who thinks the Gatorade Bottle looks like a penis. Really now, are you that bored that you have to imagine shit or are you just pissed because you can't come up with something as awesome as Gatorade. People are so bored lately, they have to make up shit about something else to amuse their little brains.

Seriously, who really gives a shit what the hell the bottle looks like. It's not the bottle that rehydrates you, it's whats inside.

You are either 10 or gay. Im sure if the bottle looked like a pair of tits it would much more appealing to you. However, for a *guy* to automatically think its a penis? Riiiiiiight!?!?!?! Free speech is a wonderful thing, isnt it?

There are much more things in this world than to worry about a damned bottle. Our people are dying and your writing about a fucking bottle!

I hope that Gatorade can sue you Lame Ass Losers.

Anonymous Anonymous said...
That was great, and these people who are flaming you really need to take the stick out. The bottle is shaped a little like a penis. He found the joke and ran with it...what's the big deal?

Anonymous Anonymous said...
I know now who will ge inheriting the gatorade empire Mister ESPN marketing Guy oooooo yeaaaahh

Anonymous Anonymous said...
hell if i was rich i would play a huge assed prank on the world too. To bad i didnt think of it first or i would be reading hate mail on an island in the Caribbean

Anonymous Anonymous said...
in response to one of the previous comments posted above. "you are either 10 or gay"??? hahaha...wow, buddy if you're trying to sound mature about all this, you're a fucking moron. why do you even bother reading this if you're going to get your panties in a bunch?

to be a complaining little bitch like you i'd like to say a few things myself...

yes it would be nice to have a bottle in the shaped like a tit, or a set of tits...secondly, people are dying everywhere, so whine about that somewhere else.. how about NOT wasting your time to post a comment bashing the author of this article and use that time to go out and help out those that are dying.. cuz complaining about a little things like this is hell of a lot more important isn't it?. thirdly, eat shit and leave this guy alone.

this isn't an article that's to hit the national newspapers, it's a blog and people post their opinions on things.. free speech is a wonderful thing.

peace out bitches!

Anonymous Anonymous said...
Have you ever noticed that the upper part of the bottle looks like a tit? Only when it's attached to the lower cylinder does it take on the phallic appearance. When I drink Gatorade I try to focus on the upper portion only, while my wife likes the bottle in its entirety.

Some people seem to think they need to make ad hominum attacks to build their pathetic egos. But if this thread bothers tham so much, perhaps they shouldn't keep coming back to read it; or maybe their computers are possessed, and they are just unwitting "victims".

Blogger Statbuster said...
The angry anonymous guy is right. People are dying EVERY DAY. And we're wasting time talking about dick-shaped drink bottles.

I'm going to start a series of poignant yet satirical articles regarding the persistent Iraqi insurgency, the utilitarian objectives of the Bush administration, and the resulting trickle-down effect on governmental soverignty and economic sanctions. I'll find a way to blame all of this on Greg Ostertag.

That is, if my mom will let me. Because, you know, I'm only 10 years old.

I'm going to recommend other sports bloggers to stop writing about sports as well. Oh, angry anonymous guy. So wise. So anonymous. And so ANGRY.

Anonymous Anonymous said...
Now THAT'S sarcasm!

Anonymous Anonymous said...
What I find so amusing is that even through the blatant sarcasm and humor in this article and its former, people still find ways to become frustrated.

Oh, and to all who are that inane, Gatorade bottles DO have the shape of a Phallus. But then again, so to a million and one other things. The point is that you can correlate seemingly disimilar objects by finding a commonality between the two, even if that commonality conjures itself like this: 8====>

Anonymous Anonymous said...
I'm a contract product design engineer and I can assure you that clients ask us to make things look look like boobs, pussies, and yes, cocks. Sex is very powerful and to not use such a powerful tool in marketing is just plain stupid. Anyone who doubts that is an idiot who is, like so many Americans, afraid of their sexuality and would rather see a burned corpse than Gwen Stephani's luscious titties. (thanks for that)

Anonymous Anonymous said...
To the "people are dying everyday" posts, well if you can figure out a way to make people stop dying then good for you GOD. See the bad thing about living is that at some point you die. And yes the bottle does look a bit like a meat-pole.

Blogger Andross said...
I have a cup that is made from a cast of one of my dad's friend's mom's tits. She made them back in the day and gave one to my dad. I'm very creative so I keep coffee creamer in it.

Anonymous Anonymous said...
Andross:

Pictures. Now.

Anonymous RedSku|| said...
Wow this really shocked me. And yes my penis is that fat.

Anonymous Anonymous said...
I think he meant to say it was a re-dick-you-less theory.

Anonymous Anonymous said...
People get really worked up when they hear something they don't agree with. I'm a 27 year old college grad. and I actually spit up my gatorade when I read this it was so funny.

Anonymous Xeek said...
the reason so many damned things resemble a cock, especially bottles containing fluids (like beer bottles) are for perverse men (like me)... but not cuz we're gay, cuz we wonder how many girls will allow us to penetrate them with various objects (yea, i do have an obsession wondering this type of shit, oh well).

I mean come on, most of us, no matter what we think of porn, especially strange penetrative objects being used on women, find it curious. If you caught a glimpse of a some lady using a banana (since we're obsessed with that fruit) to penetrate herself, we find it hard to look away. Not cuz she's naked (naked people, oh well), but something new and strange usually gets stared at, it's human nature.

Anonymous Anonymous said...
Well, I too think the article, and the conspiracy(even it's it is true) is funny. It's good reading. That's all. I don't think the blogger intends it to be anything other than that, a bit of something to read when ur bored. He's probably a major drinker of it..
If ur so concerned with "people dying" you wouldn't be reading a blog about a world famous sports drink that has a penis shaped bottle, according to the blogger that is.

Anonymous Anonymous said...
Redsku|:

Pictures. Now.

Anonymous Anonymous said...
yep, definitely fun to get retards up in arms about stupid things like this. ten year olds of the world, unite and find more phallus-shaped objects to rant about!!

Blogger Andross said...
http://www.flickr.com/photos/75647085@N00/sets/72057594101495809/ <-- Flickr Picture set of the tit-cup, NSFW really.

Blogger Andross said...
http://www.flickr.com/photos/75647085@N00/sets/72057594101495809/ <-- picture set of the boob cup, NSFW

Anonymous Anonymous said...
You have crashed my ROFLcopter. Thank you, sir.

Anonymous Anonymous said...
how can someone actually get offended by reading something like this. "You said my favorite drink looks like a penis! fuck you!!!"

how about.. get a life you losers.

Anonymous Anonymous said...
HAHAHAHA your first post was funnier but this is great too. fucking hilarious shit. fuck the haters, they should go drink a gatorade

Anonymous Anonymous said...
HAHAHA first post was funnier this was great though. funny shit. fuck the haters, they should go drink a gatorade.

Anonymous Anonymous said...
This article was funny as all hell.

Let me break this down real simple-like for the people who wanted to come in here and flame the author:

The bottle is shaped like a fucking penis. Sure, it's not proportionally accurate, but the resemblance is there. Alright, now we've obviously got some people who are a little upset by the idea that they put a large penis-like bottle to their mouths everyday at the gym and on the field after a workout. You could say they were being defensive, yes? The first insult that comes to their mind is "you're gay". Hmmm...

All you flamers (oops!) out there following me so far?

Welcome to the land of the insecure. You like Gatorade? Great, drink up and laugh about the shape of the bottle. Move on. Those of you who feel the need come in here and bash a genuinely funny article because you can't handle the idea of a penis shaped object coming near you should re-evaluate your motivations.

Is your world dark, small perhaps? Two or three feet of room on each side, low ceiling? Hmm... If I may, it's called a closet. Get over yourselves or get out and acknowledge who you really are. There's no shame in loving the cock. I love mine. You just want to love everyone elses, and that's okay.

I think that about covers it.

Anonymous Anonymous said...
Here's a Gatorade sponsored athlete showing us what he thinks the bottle is:
http://editorial.gettyimages.com/source/search/details_pop.aspx?iid=55918194&cdi=0

Anonymous jake said...
i love you for these articles. anyone who flames for this needs to die in a fire because they are jealous they arent as e-cool as everyone who GETS IT.

Anonymous Anonymous said...
Quote " Really now, are you that bored that you have to imagine shit or are you just pissed because you can't come up with something as awesome as Gatorade."

Gatorade is nothing more than Kool-aid with salt added to it, what do you think electrolytes are??? A chimp could have invented Gatorade

Anonymous Anonymous said...
It's pretty funny that people have left so many comments saying that no one who wasn't 10 or gay would look for such things and that no one would intentionally make the bottle look like a penis.

I spent no less than a week (perhaps 2 counting all of the times the topic was revisited) in marketing at a very reputable business school discussing hidden symbols and just how intentional they are (see the pepsi sex cans, the little mermaid, or any liquor ad ever).

Besides, anatomically inspired containers are nothing new, most goblets and wine glasses are inspired by the female breast.

Anonymous BigBadCarter said...
Well, you've truely outdone yourself this time. We were cruising along the "funny" highway, and all of a sudden, I read your letter to the makers of Gatorade, and the "LPH" (Laughs Per Hour) gauge on the dashboard of my LOLlermobile suddenly peaked. Even better was the independent Gatorade Blog. Just when I thought this post was about the culmination of everything I had ever found funny in life, you linked to a picture of Gwens Luscious Jumblies....and now I know, this post was in reality, a culmination of everything I hold dear in my life....thank you Basketbawful.....you have given my life purpose.


Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm going to go ride the Great White Knuckler while looking at that picture of Gwen.

Anonymous Anonymous said...
Gatorade tastes good, so you don't hear me complaining.

Anonymous Foxxe said...
You know, the all the comments from people taking it seriously is the funniest part of this whole thing.

Anonymous Muztard Man said...
I am no longer capable of drinking a Gatorade or seeing someone else drink a Gatorade ever again without thinking of this and laughing...Thank You.

Anonymous Anonymous said...
As a top level exec at Gatorate i find it calming that the truth is leaking out.

Anonymous Anonymous said...
Jesus Christ people, get pissed. I personally thought this was a very well written and informing post. Furthermore, I don't think I'll ever drink Gatorade again, or hold a straight face while someone I know does. Gatorade lost my business by trying to put a penis in my mouth. Kind of ironic, isn't it? Keep up the good work.

Anonymous Chris Pops said...
I find it funny how everyone who is overly annoyed with your Gatorade articles remains anonymous. It may be because they fear that you might contact them and prove them wrong. Maybe they're afraid that the drink they've enjoyed so long could possibly promote their own homosexuality.

I think this is hilarious and should be enjoyed for what it is: an article to get a few laughs out. Anyone who takes this seriously and gets angered by it should just chill out. It's not a big deal...

Anonymous Anonymous said...
why do all you people even bother... yes people may not be very mature but atleast they can find humor in the little things. i mean why dont you grow up, you feel the need to tell people how they are dumb for looking at something that does resemble a man penis. stop thinking your so cool and mature and go eat a dick! your bud, ICE

Blogger pounder92 said...
this is really funny stuff the only thing funnier is basketball itself one round ball two big holes see how many times you can stuff it in there. now thats comedy

Anonymous Anonymous said...
yep. that was just funny!!! of course it looks like a cock! Companies tend to have a dirrty ( I know it is spelled dirty.lol) mind and have fun with it. There are other products that we use everyday and yet it has sexual meaning to it.

kudos to your site :)

Anonymous Anonymous said...
Ok, lets sum this up nicely. . .
1. Gatorade=Penis
2. Sense of humor is relative
3. Gatorade and penis' have nothing to do with people dying
4. A guy posted on his blog, got national attention and hate posts from people who take him and themselves much too seriously.
5. Nobody spells worth a shit when they reply on here, myself included I'm sure.

Anonymous Anonymous said...
alright, you last anonymous person...lighten the fuck up.

whoever wrote this, thank you so much. i will never be able to drink gatorade again. seriously though, nicely done.

Anonymous john said...
ahahahhahahahah life.

Blogger Michael M said...
This is HE LARRY US, you show great creativity, and strong "grip" on the facts at hand, it takes a genius or perhaps even mad man to see the connection you have seen here. I do agree with others, that you should dig deeper, I am sure you can crack this wide open. Penis envy is a major thing, and gatorade with their gallon bottles and what not is out right saying that their penis is bigger than ours, and they want to shove it in our mouth. Great work, keep it up.

Anonymous Anonymous said...
i saw the light. this is what gatorade is all about. it is meant to give a solution to the "c'mmon honey swallow, it doesn't taste awful" problem. tnx mate, now i know what to do.

Anonymous Anonymous said...
If you put your ear close to your monitor while reading the "WTF! YOU'RE SO STUPID! GAY!" posts, you can faintly hear the sound of a airplane, slowly flying overhead...

Anonymous nightangel15 said...
after taking five minutes, i have decided that i wont ban myself from drinking gatorade, and i am still laughing over the thought of my jock friends finding this out...i am so telling them about this!

Anonymous RallyT3hShitOUTofWRX said...
okay to ANYONE getting pissed at this site's maker, get a life. they are just having fun, and to most people, its funny. stop freaking out and saying they are stupid. www.t3hw00t.com ftW!!!

Blogger Dustin said...
I'm fairly certain that Darren Rovell's response that "Gatorade's bottles are built the way they are because of the fact that the plastic has to hold up under extremely high heat without being permanently warped" was not referring to the manufacturing process. I believe he meant that they may be outside in extremely hot weather (AFTER they have been manufactured and filled with liquid that suspiciously glows under a blacklight), and that this hot weather might damage lesser bottle designs.

Anonymous Anonymous said...
I would be willing to bet every penny I own that this whole thing was started by someone who works with Coke. Can't believe I haven't seen one post mentioning this. Tried and true smear campaign... blogger-style.

Blogger Feh23 said...
Frightening to think of all the athletes unknowingly gripping the shaft of the "bottle" until their thirst is quenched by sweet, sweet "Gatorade".
Thank you for confirming my suspicions.

Anonymous Anonymous said...
You can go to bed at night knowing these nay-sayers do not have the mental capacity to see humor in the written word. Great work.

Anonymous Mr. Numpti said...
Having looked at the pictures in the story I have to disagree on the basic premise. It looks like a bottle, erm, no story.

However the purile nature of the bravely anonymous posts (I ought to point out that this is intended as sarcasm as I suspect it would not be recognised) is quite astonishing. I am surprised both by the repeated use of words like "Gay" and "Retard" (so useful when trying to convince someone of your point) and the amazingly defensive posture they assume.

So to the author, excellent job on producing an interesting read which generated such wonderful commments.

To the anonymous commenters, come on guys (or girls) be brave, put your name on it and learn to write. Please.

Anonymous Riftsaw said...
Kudos to the author, I laughed the entire time I read the article and the comments. The guy that said he spit up his Gatorade while reading this had me laughing for like 10 minutes.

Oh yeah this site is definately going in my favorites.

Riftsaw out...

Anonymous Libertarian said...
This penis style packaging is hitting the suppressed part of the subconscious mind, the part dealing with sexuality

In most people this is the most powerful part of the subconscious, and the part associated with the most 'hangups' and 'issues'

You will often see words like 'kill' 'sex' or 'fuck' in some subliminal ads but it usually is hard to find

Ive seen ads for McDonalds chicken nuggets where the nuggets were shaped like the head of a penis! A time cover with gadaffi on the front had the words 'sex' and 'kill' on the forehead subliminally

I find when I am watching music videos I am exposed to pretty powerful subliminal technology that literally 'mesmerizes' you. All this is delibrate, and anyone who says its a 'conspiracy theory' is either trying to put out disinfo or is an ignorant idiot. There is a reason the government and advertising spend the MOST on researching behaviour and the mind!

Do a search on 'subliminal ads' image/ web search on google!

Anonymous Anonymous said...
funny

Anonymous Anonymous said...
I noticed most of the flamers were closet homos. I'm sure they're relaxing in the cool comfort of a Gatorade bottle... right up their ass. Good Article man.

Anonymous Anonymous said...
Nice article, I thought it was very entertaining. To everyone that trashed it and called the author lame, immature, and cursed them off, you need to lighten up. Are you sure the author is lame and immature when you are the ones that took the time to construct a poorly written post that was probably more lame and immature than the actual article you're bashing? It's a simple article, nothing more than that. Some of you act like it's going to permanently put Gatorade out of business. Lighten up and laugh!

Anonymous Alex said...
More importantly, is that a real shot of Gwen? I thought she was flatter than that.

Anonymous Anonymous said...
I think this is hilarious, both the whiney flamers and the article itself. You can call us all immature for laughing at this but have you never opened a Maxim magazine? or are you too amish to have to do with anything that involves women in various poses? Anyway, back to the point, Maxim has a section for stuff like this for a reason (I think it's called "found porn") It's because people find it funny, the average joe thinks this shit is hilarious. I for one think this article should be submitted to Maxim Magazine so they could give props to it too.

-Rook.

Anonymous Anonymous said...
I'm surprised that people actually feel the need to bash you for your article. For one thing, you are absolutely right that it is a phallic symbol. There is no way around that. Even if it wasn't intentional, which it probably was, it is still a phallic symbol. People who deny that just don't understand. Sex sells. Gatorade is not the only company that uses a phallic symbol on their product. There are subliminal messages in TV commercials and billboards for all sorts of products. People are acting unabashedly idiotic because they don't know anything about advertising.

Anonymous Anonymous said...
old news
all advertisers know sex sells

Anonymous Erik said...
IT IS SICK THAT THE GATORADE COMPANY WOULD DO SOMETHING LIKE THIS!! I've been living the life of a porn star and i didnt even know it. I feel so exploited. DAMN.

Anonymous Anonymous said...
The truth is out there.

Blogger Mr. Spork said...
Wow, people sure do get retarded in a hurry when you point out to them that they've been sucking wang every day after practice.

Anonymous Marty said...
I love how all the losers who flame you non-stop are listed as anonymous... Typical for the holier-than-thou, I'm-better-than-you, no-sense-of-humor people to not have the backbone to post their comments under some sort of identifying name.

Blogger Justin Ryan said...
dude..

did you ever consider that the penis may be shaped to look like a gatorade bottle so that this whole women-empowerment-sports thing wouldn't turn into another Lysistrata nightmare.

;d

Anonymous Anonymous said...
Dustin got it right. Was he the only one who noticed?

I enjoy stupid jokes every to often just for the hell of stupid jokes, but when you start making mistakes like that, it ceases to be funny and becomes just insulting.

Anonymous Anonymous said...
Hahahahaahaaa!!!!

All you fools flaming the guy have no humour. I'm not talking about the whole 'hehehe a penis!' thing - I'm talking about how funny the way he executed this joke is.

It's so funny to read. Lighten up.

Anonymous Anonymous said...
I'll laugh at anyone i see drinking this drink from now on!!

Hahaahahaa.

Great article!!!

Dig deeper into this - It has potential.

Anonymous Crystal said...
I thought both articles were great, and I never realized that gatorade bottles look like a penis...I'll never look at anybody the same when I see them drinking...and as for why it's shaped like a penis? SEX SELLS!!!!!!!!! everybody should know that! that's why there's phallic, and boob symbols everywhere! and people who put the writer of the articles down? GROW UP! it's all about having a laugh now and then, it's called relieving stress! anyway, whatever, I had my laugh of the day! good job!

Anonymous Joe MAma! said...
This guy below me is gay, don;t u have any humor, hes prob so mad cause he had a gatorade bottle up his butt when he was typing it, lol 8=======)

Anonymous Anonymous said...
"1 retarded post wasn't enough?
your cock seriously get real small at the tip.. oh no you just ignore the actual shape to make your stupid point so 13 year olds, or those who never grew out of the "hehehe penis=funny" stage can sit and laugh
real comedic genius
maybe you can do the same article again with powerade, all-sport, juicy juice, just about every other bottle ever..."

Hes drinking gatorade right now

Anonymous Anonymous said...
I love the people who are getting upset over this article. News flash! This article is a joke! If you get pissed off from this I have some advice, never get a job(your co-workers giving you productive criticism might piss you off), and you know what, you should probably just kill yourself.

Anonymous Laytakiala Payane said...
Oh come on you guys who hate things that are funny....these are some of the funniest articles that I have read in a long time. The fact that the journalist actually researched and has credible information makes them even better. Kudos!! I would like to read more of this stuff!!! :)--This also opens doors to more subliminal penis advertisements and products.....

Anonymous Anonymous said...
lol. i think it's just funny how everyone's into a massive debate over this rather trivial topic. gatorade bottles look like penises, and this guy is bringing it to light. i found the articles very funny, and look forward to part 3.

everyone who is all defensive on the penis thing is obviously a closet homo in denial. case closed

Anonymous AGN13 said...
I thought it was pretty funny that no one mentioned the fact that it is a salty substance coming out of a phallic shaped bottle. Especially funny that they get that all over their faces and such.

Anonymous Samus_ said...
Very nice! and very true in fact but this is not exactly a conspiration in my opinion, it's just another way of subliminal advertisement, it's like you said "the phallic shape is the perfect design for optimum gripping. And it's already familiar" that is a basic principle in this model of Ad, you should try to get the consumer to feel that what you sell is something they recognize (to avoid them to think about it and to overcome fear-of-the-unknown); as something good (to get their trust) and as something pleasurable because the basic instincts of every animal (that includes us) draws them to things that brings them pleasure, so if your subconscius learned that stroking your penis brings you pleasure, that will produce a certain desire to grab that penis-like form of the Gatorade bottle.


Let me enphatize that this is no joke matter, this things WORK (otherwise they wouldn't be used) and everybody should know at least what is this all about, because even that this techniques are illegal, they are still in use and the ONLY way to be less influenciable by them is to know them.
Like RATM said "Know your enemy!"

Blogger Eddie Shoestring said...
"Seriously, who really gives a shit what the hell the bottle looks like. It's not the bottle that rehydrates you, it's whats inside. "

Thank you Mr. Anonymus, for stating it soo well.
Butt seriously, shaping the bottle like a penis is a stroke :-) of genius. It looks like something we all recognise. Having watched porn during adolesence we all seem to want a bigger penis. Carrying this bottle makes us feel like MEN!!! We are fooled by our subconcius. Of course, looking at our own puny wangs in the shower after a good workout and lots of gatorade, we feel even more inadequate. This naturalle leeds to another purchase of aforementioned sportsdrink, so that we can feel like MEN!!! again. I think gatorade is really owned by a tobacco company. They are the only other people this sneaky.

Blogger Eddie Shoestring said...
"Seriously, who really gives a shit what the hell the bottle looks like. It's not the bottle that rehydrates you, it's whats inside. "

Thank you Mr. Anonymus, for stating it soo well.
Butt seriously, shaping the bottle like a penis is a stroke :-) of genius. It looks like something we all recognise. Having watched porn during adolesence we all seem to want a bigger penis. Carrying this bottle makes us feel like MEN!!! We are fooled by our subconcius. Of course, looking at our own puny wangs in the shower after a good workout and lots of gatorade, we feel even more inadequate. This naturalle leeds to another purchase of aforementioned sportsdrink, so that we can feel like MEN!!! again. I think gatorade is really owned by a tobacco company. They are the only other people this sneaky.

Anonymous Anonymous said...
In high school, my friends and I would drink vodka and gatorade. We would fill the top part with vodka. Of course, our tongue in cheek code name, "penis heads"

Anonymous Anonymous said...
The guy kinda said the bottle was built to withstand heat, not that the heat made it that way. Nice try though, you had it going on in Part I.

Blogger Rohbit said...
You Sir, have made my fucking day.
I love how you contorted all that Gatorade considers holy to suit your controversy theory.

BRAVO!

Anonymous Anonymous said...
i love it,
thank you for opening my eyes.

Anonymous Anonymous said...
Gatorade = Penis-shaped.
the end.

Anonymous Derek said...
genius - pure genius.

best post i have read in while...and i dont read..

Anonymous Anonymous said...
Ever look at a classic design on a pack of Camel cigarettes [not just Joe Camel]?

You might be right.

And, yes, it's a Viagra issue.

Myshutupnow.

Anonymous AbrielMcPierce said...
Well done and most definantly worth my time reading. Meant strictly as a joke (I'm hoping, but then again, good points were made) I can't wait for the next post.

You made it onto Torrentspy's news articles, and it's received 135 Shouts. A sort of ranking if this wasn't known.

I can't believe people are calling this childish, and complaining. It's an article about a wang... it's funny. If you can't find the humor in that, then you're either too stuck up to get it, got something stuck up your butt (possibly a gatorade bottle?), are are so pure that you haven't seen your own (or somebody else's penis) and therefore think it's a crime against humanity for this article to be written.

... or maybe you're just retarded who knows.

Anywho, good job!

Anonymous Anonymous said...
The Washington monument is a massive phallic symbol, and then there's the Oval office (Ovum). This stuff is not by accident.
Listen to Jordan Maxwell.

If you disagree, fine, but calling people immature and/or gay makes you seem desperate for other people not to consider the possibility that it's true. Why would you care what other people think, unless you think it's true, but have a hard time dealing with that truth. Deal with it.

Incidentally, the Washington monument is 555 feet high (or 6660 inches)and has a further 20% underground as a foundation, making it 666 feet. There is also a Satanic pentagram in the layout of Washington DC, with the arm pointing down right into the White House. There is also a compass and square (Masonic) and an Owl (Molech - see Alex Jones and Bohemian Grove, and the dollar bill).
So now do you think the PTB would not deliberately make a cock-shaped bottle for a drink that is promoted by the world's best athletes?

Anonymous Jimmy's Dignity said...
That was hilarious...but more importantly, is that picture of Gwen Stefani real?

Anonymous Anonymous said...
Anyone who doesn't laugh at this, is a homosexual. And quack will tell you. I for one, think it's f'n hilarious, so to all who think it's not, I'd like to meet your girlfriend.

Anonymous jUiCE~ said...
to everyone who thinks this article sucks, it doesn't you just have a different sense of humor and refuse to admit that you see SUCH AN EQUEL resemblence that the gatorade bottle has to a penis. I'm sorry if you enjoy this 'sports drink' that actually makes you thirstier because of all the sodium. if you don't find this humorous go elsewere and watch retards falling down or something.

Anonymous Anonymous said...
I will pay you mad bucks for that tit cup. I want it now.

Anonymous Anonymous said...
heh, i find this fucking hilarious. anyone who thinks this is immature can go back to sucking your "manly bottle" *cough*you still can't deny it looks like a penis*cough*


(and wow, andross, your dad's friend's mom has big nipples)

Anonymous Anonymous said...
I have never laughed so hard in my life. Quite possibly the greatest investigative story ever. Well done.

Anonymous Anonymous said...
Actually what I can't believe is that all these people can wrap their mouth around a penis shaped gatorade bottle, but not one of them mentioned the pic of Gwen Stefani's luscious breasts. I think that's the real shame here. And just for reference, most plastic drink bottles these days resemble phallic symbols to some extent these days. Though most don't depict the seperation of the glans from the shaft quite as well.

Anonymous Anonymous said...
The conspiracy that I was thinking of was that Gatorade releases beverages that are watered down and charges more for them and calls them fitness water and other BS.

Anonymous Anonymous said...
Well the world of male athletic sports is highly homoerotic. It does seem rather fitting that men would like to conciously or subconciously suck testosterone from a phalice. Part of being an athlete is checking out your peers and sizing up one another's bodies isn't it? Any male who gets defensive about "checking" another male "out," or even getting his boxers in a twist about the simple observation that gatorade bottles do in fact look like a giant wang, I believe is sufering from doubts about his own sexuality. Men are extremely homoerotic by nature as is displayed in many of the activities that they share with one another. Why is that a bad thing? Pride season is upon us, so let us use that time to meditate on accepting homoeroticism as well as homosexuality.

Blogger Marco Antonio said...
Great, now all I would think about in Gatorade commercials is sex (gay and straight, sheesh). Well today I saw a comercial that had a volley ball (egg) in the beach and it starts raining gatorade (jizz), the ball starts to grow and some Volley Ball athlete breaks out of it (baby giving birth), and the gatorade continues to rain on her.

Thanks for making me analyze commercials even further. Now I can't enjoy those anymore...

Anonymous Anonymous said...
Well the penis bottle makes sense...

I mean, it's just flavoured salt water, right?

Surely their success lies in their marketing strategies.

I find it particularily interesting how successful you can be by using a phallus symbol in your product. Subconsciously, I guess, everyone feels cool about holding a big penis. Or maybe it's just familiar and that's why you choose it over the other not-as-penis-like products on the shelf.

Although, I don't think many women could tame the gatorade beast. Have you seen how wide those things are?

I guess there is a thing called childbirth...but that's not really fun.

Anonymous icecube said...
Wow you guys who are flaming this article are the true idiots. Talking about him wasting his time... you fucking idiots wasted your time reading the article AND posting on it. Do you faggots even have a brain?

On the other hand, the article is developed and written very nicely. Good job.

Anonymous Anonymous said...
Sadly, the Gwen Stefani picture is a fake.

http://www.fake-detective.com/book-4/case398.jpg

---
DeweyTime

Anonymous Tyler said...
They must have used Paris Hilton when testing the product.

Anonymous Anonymous said...
Best. Reading. Ever.

Anonymous Anonymous said...
to all those people who take this WAY TOO SERIOUSLY .. if you think its a waste of time .. why spend the time it takes to type up your over serious views on the matter .. and to the 4th or 5th post .. "Seriously, who really gives a shit what the hell the bottle looks like. It's not the bottle that rehydrates you, it's whats inside." .. thats like .. who cares about what a penis looks like .. its not like the penis gets you pregnant .. its whats inside" .. idiot

Anonymous Anonymous said...
sex is used everywhere in advertising.. walkt disney used it in all of his cartoons.. sex sells, so why wouldn't Gatorade break the pattern. Great Job

Blogger jsphchung said...
Ha! I knew there was a conspiracy... thank you for uncovering this plot.

Anonymous Anonymous said...
To all the people who have a problem with this artical: why are you getting pissed off about nothing. You think this topic is immature, I think you should reavaluate your comedic maturity; because SATIRE... is pretty high on the list.

Anonymous Anonymous said...
i always thought that that commercial looked like she was getting a golden shower

Anonymous Anonymous said...
Shit, I've been sucking on a raging speed-horn to quench my thirst and replace lost salts? DAMMIT!

Anonymous Anonymous said...
Oh my god, people seem to take this so seriously.

It's a bottle, people. And a website about a guy making a joke about a bottle.

By the way: ONE MILLION THANKS for the picture of Gwen Stefani. I had never seen those, and can actually die happier now.

Anyhoo, excellent website. It gave me an excellent laugh!

Anonymous Anonymous said...
Art evokes feeling. A lot of these people look pissed... hahaha good job! It's a work of art.

Anonymous Anonymous said...
funniest shit i've ever read? close.

Anonymous Anonymous said...
damn i was exited about that pic of Gwen... damn...

my 32 oz. just shrunk down to an 8 oz.

Anonymous Anonymous said...
2. the primary target audience of Gatorade consists of men and boys (who, obviously, don't want to suck sports drink out of a simulated wang). But think about it.

LOLOLOLOLOL ROFL LMAO

Blogger David said...
I found this website on Shoutwire and just wanted to tell you that on both of these posts you've written phenomenally. You're snide and sarcastic, yet intelligent. I love your style of writing and your ideas. Don't let any shmuck put you down--keep at it!

-David

Anonymous Anonymous said...
i think that is so god damn funny. and listen, if you dont like the conspiracy, then dont read about it. good reporting, and i think it IS a bit fishy that the "thirst quenching colored liquid" comes out of a bottle in the shape of the anatomy instrument.

Anonymous Anonymous said...
Wonder if Gaytorade makes a white colored flavor.
0.o

Blogger Nancy G said...
Guess who's lost? Hint: me. I don't understand why some people are getting so upset that the Gatorade bottle looks like a big, thick cock. I mean, are they on the Gatorade payroll, or are they just sticking up for their favorite brand? I wish I had a brand that people would defend so adamantly.

Anonymous Anonymous said...
It looks like a dick, dont listen to the insecure cock gobblers who say otherwise... they proably threw away all of the gatorade stocked in their fridges and woke up in the middle of the night craving a cock-bottle, became enraged and blamed you. Whoever says it dont look like a dick is in denial.

Anonymous Anonymous said...
LAWLZ

I don't know who wrote this, but can we have sex?

Ktnx. ^^

Anonymous Anonymous said...
No wonder I get a sense of deja vu whenever I hold my bottle of Gatorade :-b

Nice one Basketbawful

Anonymous Anonymous said...
lol iv always noticed something fishy about those bottles....they just didnt seem right....ha and the way some people are thirsty and grabbing the bottle near the top looks soo suss lol....lets never tell them !!!

Anonymous Anonymous said...
this article is hillarious. Job well done !!!!

Anonymous Anonymous said...
i love it when ass hats take a joke so friggin serious....it just makes everything all the more hilarious

Apparently my favorite flavor of man seed is lemon-lime, and I am physically dependent of it.

Also, I find nothing funny about and am offended by cock-bottles, cocks, bottles, rocks, atlatles, or any variation thereof. Please refrain from displaying your camaraderie with phallic imagery at any further length. Thank you for your cooperation, and thank you for not also pointing out that Freud believes bottles are unconscious references to a certain unprintable area of the female anatomy.

(The pussy).

Anonymous Dustin said...
I will answer the question about how bored you have to be with this.

First: There is nothing lame about taking your free time to write something that you find amusing. Being creative in anyway is better then most of you pissed of peoples fat kids can drag themselves around to do.

Second: To actually take the time to post a comment on something you read all the way through even though you think its stupid is an even bigger waste of time you stupid silly little people.

Third: Everyone loves cock straight men love their cocks, women love cocks, even lesbians love cocks thats why the dildo is so popular.

The man has a point!

Anonymous Robert Al-Romhein said...
The people who flammed at this were disturbed by the fact that they drank from a penis.

Thus they are homophobes. Some people are homophobes because they fear that they are themselves homosexuals.

Those who said that the blogger was gay. Well it's said that people insult others depending on their own defaults. So you're gay, not the blogger.

To those who said that he was probably 10 years old. You are trying to prove your point by trying to be superior to the blogger.

About the e-mail reply from Gatorade. It is clear that it is an automatic message.
Gatorade bottles do look like cocks.

Anonymous Chris said...
Oh God, those titties of Gwen Stephani are lucious indeed.

Anonymous Anonymous said...
statbuster - 'Our people are dying and your writing about a fucking bottle!'

fuck he's right. i just feel like a dick head now. how could we have been so imature AARGH WE SUCK AND HE IS THE MAN.

Anonymous moosenlawyer said...
Why is that angry douche whining about people dying on a basketball website in the comment section of a Gatorade posting?

You don't see me bitching about the world failing to notice the spongey goodness of a Nerf football on a website devoted to minefield victims.

I think he needs to take the stick out of his a$$, grab a seat of the bench, wrap his lips around the opening of a Gatorade bottle and just swallow a squirt. Yeesh!

Blogger Jennifer said...
OMG......after reading these comments I noticed that all the posts that get angry calling the conspiracy theory retarded, immature and pathetic all refuse to leave thier names!! If you are going to have the balls to shoot your mouth of about somthing meant to be funny (and seems pretty logical) have the F@#$ing balls to back it up with your name!

Anonymous mellomutt said...
i only read a fraction of these comments so forgive me if i'm repeating:

the product designer said "sure, we're ASKED to make them look like human anatomy" but they can't be blatant or advertise such because of America's prudishness.

that rang true. in an honest society, gatorade's ads would have botttles with veins and a couple of bulges on the bottom and say, "Gatorade: Now even MORE penis-shaped!"

Anonymous A. FLam said...
SOO thrue !!
I love the idea!
keep us informed.. !

Anonymous Blue yoyo said...
You know what, thank you for the truth. I appreciate it, and for those guys who all think they should sue you, screw em. Seriously this is funny stuff. Keep up the good work

Anonymous Ty said...
i dont think any of you realize whats going on... you're arguing in a forum. step back and look at that closely.

you are arguing in a forum.

in a forum.

retards.

[ty]

Anonymous Amanda said...
hahaha!! This is hilarious.

"our people are dying and your (*you're) writing about a bottle"

So what? It's funny. Because our country is at war we should set aside humor???

"you're arguing in a forum. retards."

It's fun to argue in forums. What's so "retarded" about that? We could argue on the streets instead, that would be less "retarded?" I'm pretty sure that someone who was actually "retarded" would have a difficult time with computers and the internet.

This is funny. Very, very funny. I cannot stop laughing. I wish someone had linked me to this site before.

Anonymous Grayson said...
all im gonna say is. hells yeah dude. fight those guys find the truth. and also, all the people flamming you and saying that its sad that you have nothing better to do than "imagine" things and that people are dying and whatnot and other BS they write. well its pretty sad they say this while at the same time they are just wastin g THERE time making fun of what you write while they are contributing nothing of their own to the things they said YOU basically should be contributing too. those Hypocrits.

Anonymous Echo said...
Why are people getting SO upset? someone please tell me. Did your father invent the Gatorade bottle-shape or something? Cripes, people it's SATIRE(im sorry, was that word too big?) take a deep breath, remove the gatorade bottle from your ass and smile because the story is freaking hysterical. If the (joking) mention that Gatorade might have a gay agenda makes you this angry, I hope your your sake you never accidentally wander into an Abercrombie&Fitch.

Anonymous sackdz said...
Thanks for the laughs!

Anonymous Gunslinger said...
What I found most disturbing was the texture of the head and the 'flange', to the point where I suspected that you'd wrapped a Gatorade label over a king-kong dildo before spray-painting it black (yes, the label is still visible).

However, this article is genius. As commented earlier, sex is an incredibly potent advertising tool, and it's somewhat awkward to shape a bottle like tits or a pussy, without being overtly obvious.

But, the still images from Gatorade ads lead me to believe there's not a conspiracy, just a bunch of twisted personalities in Gatorade's marketing and Design departments, all of whom are making big bucks, and are all having a private piss-themselves laugh everytime they see America's social gods sticking phalluses in their faces, and joyfully devouring the contents. It's a concept not much unlike Revenge of the Nerds on heroin. High-school jock tortures nerdy kid. Jock becomes sports star, nerd becomes Gatorade design exec. Nerd gets revenge with advertising and phallus-shaped bottle. You forgot to mention what exactly Gatorade mostly tastes like: salty. I'll let the sexually-experienced readers here laugh at the joke, and let the un-experienced readers work it out for themselves.

As to the flamers, I believe they're getting rather 'uncomfortable' with all these penis references. Because it's not 'right' to have any kind of sexual response to that kind of talk, is it you neo-rednecks?! Who are the gay ones here, the ones having a good laugh about a dick-shaped bottle, or the ones shuffling their feet and spewing moronic brain-diaorreha from behind their veil of anonmity? You have my condolances for losing your balls in some hideous accident.

After reading this article, I'm going to have a lot of fun with my friends, pointing out what the bottle looks like after they've taken a long deep swig. I never really drank Gatorade; the taste never seemed quite right.

Anonymous Duneflower said...
I've never really found it salty, though I haven't drunk it in some time. Only flavour I ever really liked was the orange.

And hey, let's not be insulting rednecks; plenty of them (us?) will have at least as big a laugh as anyone else. Let's just let all the neo-Victorian throwbacks have their egotrips, kick them once or twice, and leave them be. ^.^

Blogger Keil said...
a good deal of the posts on this article are so unbelievably stupid, i'm afraid to even imagine what kind of neanderthals made them. unbelievable stupidity.

Anonymous KrisJ said...
This was hilarious! As a female who drinks gatorade almost daily, I never knew the secret message I was sending, haha. But seriously, there are so many penis-shaped things in the world that I'm not really shocked. At least now I'll get a chuckle out of my favorite sport drink.

Anonymous STDs said...
i love how people like to bitch about your blog and leave their names as anonymous. thats proof of freedom of speech right there. the freedom to hate at things and not take the credit for it.
as for your blogs, i think it was really funny. in fact, i might make a mini-movie about it taking ideas off of your blogs to make this video and post it on youtube and our myspace. www.myspace.com/stoopidteenagedudestudios
oh and that dude who bitched about people dying in our country and us laughing at gatorade should grow up. people are gonna die anyway so having something to laugh about just helps. besides, if i see that dude dying on my backyard asking for help, id give him a bottle of gatorade filled with real man-yogurt.

Anonymous Tim said...
who cares if people are dieing all over? Thats been happening for 184308942 years get used to it, thats life.

For those who dont find this funny u have no sense of humor AT ALL. Get that Tampon outa ur ass. You seriously never hung out with a bunch of friends and discovered new shit? Maybe the guy was high when he found out that a gatorade bottle looks like a penis Lol.

either way GREAT discovery do more!!!

Anonymous Zonic said...
Your my hero

Anonymous Anonymous said...
lol, you should write a book about this.

Anonymous Sara.... said...
omg this is sooo halarious....did u get sued?? lol o well if u did i bet it was worth it cuz i know u had me and my friend laughin...so that means that every 10 pplz that read this at least 5 or more r gonna laugh about it!! lol anyways....this is the awsoomest thing ever...

Anonymous Anonymous said...
Amazing!!! I also noticed that my penis also looks like a penis (as well as a gatorade bottle of course..)

Anonymous Anonymous said...
MMM maybe doctor strekker may be involved? perhaps it is mentioned in his memo??

Anonymous Anonymous said...
WTF? to all the people who are bashing this: WHAT THE FUCK? WHY THE HELL ARE U MAD AT PEOPLE WHO ARE FUNNY? GOD DAMN, CAN YOU NOT TAKE A FUCKING JOKE? JESUS FUCKING CHRIST!! go eat an apple or something

Anonymous Brian said...
What could Gatorade say though? Yes, it does look phallic but we're not going to change the shape of the bottle? Of course they had to say "oh, uh, um, of course we had no idea."

Anonymous Julian Bryant said...
Some of the comments left are even funnier than the articles. And they were pretty damn funny. I really have to wonder, though, why some of these people are so dead set on defending their favorite sports drink. Are they in denial? Are they being paid off? Either way, to think an opinion about bottles could stir so much commotion is truly hilarious. I tip my hat to you, sir.

Anonymous Anonymous said...
So true. I stumbled upon this at FARK actually. I couldn't believe what I was seeing when I saw the original post, but then I got to thinking. My wife and I were at the local supermarket the other day and picked up bottled water on sale. I think it was Glaceau or something like that. It comes in a long/tall cylindrical bottle, and we both said at the same time "WOW...that's rather phallic!" Now...there has to be more to this. Remember the old Coke poster? The one with the highly suggestive ice cube in the bottom corner?

Anonymous Anonymous said...
omg so i'm sitting at my computer drinking gatorade and i mention it to my friend and he sends me the link for this...and i almost threwup half grossed out but cracking up at the same time lol now i never see him without getting him a gatorade and laughing about it while everyone else is like whats so funny? ...whats even more funny is to give someone a gatorade and me and him laugh while the unsuspecting person gulps it down....

Anonymous Roxio said...
I don't think I will ever be able to look at a Gatorade bottle the same way. Although I agree with most that all advertisers know that Sex sells, I still find this grossly hilarious. (don't mind my spelling please, I know it sucks.) I can not WAIT to send this to all my jock guy friends who love gatorade. Thank you so much for this incredibly hilariously satisfying article. I always thought there was something funny about those gatorade bottles... You rock my socks :)

Anonymous Anonymous said...
You have clearly never taken a closer look at an Aquafina bottle -- it's a far more blatant example of an unfortunately shaped bottle.

Anonymous Anonymous said...
Ok first off the guy that said "Your ither 10 or gay" you seem to be projecting just a tid bit (The tid bit being sarcasam) and secondly whoppty fucking do people are dieing haven't you ever seen the lion king!?!? it's called the Circle of Life buddy and if your gonna get all bent out of shape over this go play your o-so-precious basketball or football or whatever you guys play...and then insted of comming here and bitching like a little bitch why not just post a blog how "Cartoons are for kids" or "Mt. Dew is lepord piss" these are actual examples of how stupid joks and preps are to us little "non-athletic" kids...Oh and here's a thought I'm sure you could find some time inbetween your oh-so-competive NON famous sports and circle jerking your best buds after the game with your gatorade being shoved down your throat.

Anonymous Anonymous said...
BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA the company itself is covering it up!!! this is fuckin funny to the fullest extent

and to everyone else still taking offense to this...once again....SUCK MY GATORADE BOTTLE YOU FAGS!!!!

www.myspace.com/mcmastat
www.soundclick.com/mcmastat

Anonymous Anonymous said...
LMAO! to whoever said "It's not the bottle that rehydrates you, it's whats inside"(some guy way up there that was ranting)... o c'mon dude you walked right into that one XD

Anonymous Anonymous said...
dude! did u know that if u look directly at the top of any bottle, u can c an eye? And c'mon! wut's with all the cursing? The guy that complains is cursin' cuz he'z upset and the guy that complains 'bout that guy curses... talk 'bout a freakin' circle. Maybe yall should go to steam room with each other and talk 'bout how your dik is bigger than his.

This is a freakin' hilarious post and should be laughed at, not argued over.
And the dude was right... that guy sooooo walked into it.

Anonymous Anonymous said...
just had to respond to this post:

I just had to leave a comment for the stupid asses who thinks the Gatorade Bottle looks like a penis. Really now, are you that bored that you have to imagine shit or are you just pissed because you can't come up with something as awesome as Gatorade. People are so bored lately, they have to make up shit about something else to amuse their little brains.

Seriously, who really gives a shit what the hell the bottle looks like. It's not the bottle that rehydrates you, it's whats inside.

You are either 10 or gay. Im sure if the bottle looked like a pair of tits it would much more appealing to you. However, for a *guy* to automatically think its a penis? Riiiiiiight!?!?!?! Free speech is a wonderful thing, isnt it?

There are much more things in this world than to worry about a damned bottle. Our people are dying and your writing about a fucking bottle!

I hope that Gatorade can sue you Lame Ass Losers.
# posted by Anonymous : 4/06/2006 8:12 PM


i am in the military (USMC), and i think this article is funny as all hell. being that i am in the military means maturity is a given (not exactly for all members of the armed forces, but for the most part), and i am no longer in the hehe penis=funny stage as another post said it. and agian, this shit is funny. you are obvously not 10 because of your style, but you might be gay, but certainly not because of this article.
rather, this article is hilarious because of the style and your sense of humor, not because 'oh hey, look, a giant penis. oh wait its just another damned bottle of gatorade'. so the people that are telling everyone on this post to grow up and gay and fag and shit, they are in fact the ones that need to do some growing, because im perfectly comfordable where i am at, being this does not piss me off but make me laugh. relax, i dont want your negative aura rubbing off on me

Anonymous Anonymous said...
Oh my gosh fuck all the people with the negative comments this article and the first one are AMAZING your a genius.i havent laughed this much in a while. marry me? haha

Anonymous Anonymous said...
oh yeah

I want it in me, baby

I want it in me so good

mmmmmmmm

harder

Anonymous NipplePower said...
LOL @ all the flamers. How is this not funny to you? and if you think hes wanker for writing this why are you reading then posting about it? ^_^ love you dude.

Nipple

Anonymous Anonymous said...
have you guys seen an aquapod?
that looks like a tit.

Anonymous Shannon said...
Lmao, this popped up when I searched for "duck" on mystery google (lol, wtf?). Seriously awesome article and great sense of humor! ^_^ Total fan, you're awesome, I bow down, and totally support your theory.

The commenters of the world need to lighten the fuck up, seriously.

Anonymous mskris2u said...
omg this is so funny. it does look like a giant inflated dildo. the sweet and salty liquid gushing out when you squeeze the shaft i mean bottle. LMAO! they're just mad cuz they enjoy putting their lips up to the mouth of this sweaty 'bottle'!!

Anonymous Anonymous said...
wow, I laughed for a good long time on that one. Gotta give it to ya, you got a point! (pun intended)

Anonymous Deannah said...
1. Bottle resembles a penis.
2. It is intentional, therefore, manipulative.
3. Gatorade is unhealthy (type of sugar/salt).
4. Gatorade is expensive (gotta pay for that marketing).
5. Distilled water+raw honey+Celtic sea salt=healthy equivalent.
6. Don't get mad, get smart -reject being mind controlled through marketing and advertising.
7. I like sexy curvy glassware, but I'll pass on the plastic penis.

Anonymous Anonymous said...
Gaydar-ade

Anonymous zain said...
I have a cup that is made from a cast of one of my dad's friend's mom's tits. She made them back in the day and gave one to my dad. I'm very creative so I keep coffee creamer in it.


Energy Patent Agent



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