In an effort to bolster their team image, the Portland Trailblazers are now offering electronic greeting cards. I stumbled across these things while researching crappy player Ha Seung Jin, and let me just tell you that my funny bone was in no way ready for this:

hathinkcard
That's...great. I'm, uh, thinking of you too.

I don't know why they did it. Were they trying to make children cry, or did they just want to make it very clear that Ha's sitting around thinking about complete strangers? A mildly obsessive and borderline psychotic tag line, a close-up of a half-dead mutant basketball player staring listlessly out into our very souls...it's like East German surrealistic filmmaking crossed with the production values of a local used car commercial.

While cards like the one above serve only to frighten and disturb us, others try help us celebrate the holidays. And nothing can say "Happy Valentine's Day" any better than a pissed-off looking Zach Randolph surrounded by hearts and holding out a pot of flowers.

randolphecard_valentines
Zach is not feeling the love.

Still others, like this one staring Bo Outlaw, are just insane. I can only assume that the photographer either 1) paid Bo a lot of money, 2) got him very drunk, or 3) used some kind of Tiki Curse.

outlaw_aloha_ecard
Career move...or Tiki Curse?

I searched through most of the other team sites at NBA.com and, fortunately, it appears that this greeting card gimmick isn't catching on. Although I did find one more horrific card with Scot Pollard from his Sacramento days:

pollard b-day
Holy sweet merciful Jesus.
8 Comments:
Anonymous Brett said...
Completely hilarious. I'm guessing the original Bo Outlaw photo was just him holding fistfulls of money, and then the photographer used some heavy duty Photoshop to make it look the way it does now.

Anonymous Anonymous said...
Bo Outlaw looks pretty young, and since when does he play for the Blazers?

Blogger Josh said...
its travis outlaw.

Anonymous Anonymous said...
What an interesting blog. You might find this interesting as well.birthday cards http://www.prosonline.biz/sochello.htm birthday cards

Anonymous Anonymous said...
Call off the dogs. The search is over. Funniest thing ever.

Anonymous Anonymous said...
Josh you made me look stupid. I know thats Outlaw, I was just making fun of Brett. Bo outlaw? I mean c'mon.

Anonymous Cat said...
best site

Anonymous Anonymous said...
The last one kinda reminds me of a horror movie - a freaky-smilin' guy with storm clouds for a background, making you wonder if he had gifts or weapons in the bag...

(btw - not a good sign for any joyous occasion!)

Links to this post:
Create a Link